Hello!
I just finished watching the movie Sharknado. Has anyone seen Sharknado? You haven't lived until you've seen Sharknado. If you don't have time for Sharknado, here's
Sharknado In A Nutshell
by Elizabeth
SPOILER ALERT
Once upon a time, there was a man named Fin who owned a bar/restaurant on a beach where he lived. He had a barmaid whose name I forget, so I'm going to call her Bea Keeny (Bea is short for Beatrice). Fin also had a friend whose name I also forget, so I'm going to call him Lou Zurr.
One stormy day, Lou Zurr decided to go surfing with his Lady Friend, so he went surfing with his Lady Friend. Then the storm got closer, and a Buttload Of Sharks started coming towards the beach. Fin rescued Lou with a Jet-ski but Lou's Lady Friend got eaten by a shark. Then some more people got eaten by a shark and everybody on the beach ran screaming in different directions and Fin told them all to get off the beach and get as far away from it as possible, because Global Warming is making the storm, which is driving all the sharks to the beach.
Everybody leaves the beach, but most of them just get into the bar which is on/right next to the beach. Then, a bunch of Massive Tidal Waves come and wipe out the bar and everybody runs screaming in different directions. Fin says that he has to go make sure that his ex-wife and daughter are OK. Bea Keeny wants to come too. So Fin, Bea Keeny, Lou Zurr, and Drunk George from the bar all grab weapons and hop into Fin's car and they start driving to Fin's ex-wife's house.
While they're driving along, they notice that all the streets are flooded and there are sharks everywhere. Bea Keeny has a Big Gun, so she shoots some of the sharks and they die. Then, I forget why, but they stop the car and all get out of the car. Drunk George notices a lady trying to get her dog out of her car, so he helps her, but then gets eaten by a shark.
Fin, Lou, and Bea keep driving through the sharks and water and eventually arrive at Fin's ex-wife's house. Fin's ex-wife whose name is April thinks that they're all idiots and that there's nothing really wrong. Then, April's boyfriend whose name I also forget so I'm going to call him Zac Efron because he looks like Zac Efron comes out and tells Fin that he's an idiot. While they're all arguing about who's an idiot and who's not an idiot and whether or not there are sharks terrorizing Los Angeles, Bea Keeny looks out the window and sees that there's a shark in April's swimming pool, so she interrupts the conversation to tell everybody that there's a shark in April's swimming pool. Zac Efron says that she's an idiot and goes to look out the window, but the shark jumps out of the swimming pool, through the window, and eats Zac Efron.
April is finally convinced that there is a shark problem, and she and the daughter Claudia get into the car along with Fin, Lou, and Bea so they can drive as far as they can away from the sharks. But then April and Fin remember that they have a son named Matt who looks like a Ken Doll and that they should go and get him to escape too.
On the way to rescue Ken Doll, a shark falls out of the sky and lands teeth-first onto the roof of the car. The shark then proceeds to bite a hole in the roof of the car and tries to wriggle in through the hole. Lou pokes it in the nose with a baseball bat, but the shark isn't moved, so Fin attacks it with a chainsaw, if I'm remembering that right, and it dies and falls off the car.
As they're driving along, the city is still flooding like the dickens, and there are still sharks everywhere. Fin drives the car on an overpass and notices a school bus underneath the overpass sort of floating in the water. So, he stops the car, hops out, takes out his Handy Dandy Grappling Hook/Pulley Kit which he has because a good barman is prepared for any situation, and lowers himself down to the school bus. The school bus, as he suspected, is filled with School Kids and a School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair. Fin attaches each of the kids to his Grappling Hook/Pulley System one by one, and Lou pulls them all up. After Lou pulls up the School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair, it's Fin's turn, but oh, no! The rope is breaking! And not only that, but a shark jumped up, bit the rope, and is now attempting to climb the rope with its teeth! Fin is not in the mood to die, so he calls up to Lou, "Hand me down the Shark Repellent Bat-Spray!" No, I'm thinking of Batman in "Batman: The Movie." Anyway, Lou doesn't have any Shark Repellant Bat-Spray handy, so Fin has to cut the rope above where the shark's hanging onto it, thus causing the shark to plummet to a watery death. After Fin gets up on the overpass, the wind picks up and the big HOLLYWOOD sign which happens to be nearby starts blowing in all different directions. Everyone dodges the big metal letters, except for the School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair gets hit with an H.
Our heroes continue to drive to save Ken Doll from the sharks. Then, for no apparent reason at all, they all jump out of the car and run the heck away from it, and then it explodes. I don't know why, but it was cool anyway. So, since they have no vehicle, they decide to stop at a gas station and get a snack. The TV in the gas station says that there are tornadoes coming from the ocean carrying bushels of sharks and heading for the city. Then, Lou conjures a Big Shiny Jeep Thing out of Nowhere, and they all make like a tree again.
Finally, they get to the airport where Ken Doll works. They look around for him, and then they find him in a closet with a Bunch Of Other People. Fin warns them that there is a tornado wielding sharks heading this way, and a Stupid Lady goes to look at it, and is sucked up. Everybody else holds onto something so that they don't blow away and get sucked in the tornado and be eaten by sharks.
A bit later, the wind dies down. April says we need to get out of here, but Fin says, no! we must fight! Ken Doll has an IDEA. Ken Doll says that they should take all the tanks of propane at the airport and manufacture some bombs, and then Ken Doll will fly around the tornado in his little helicopter, chuck the bombs into the tornadoes, thus, killing the sharks and dissolving the tornadoes. Fin and everyone else are all for it, so they get to work making the bombs.
Ken Doll works with Bea Keeny making bombs. He notices that she has shark-tooth-shaped scars on her leg, so he asks her about them. She doesn't want to answer, so he shows her his own scar on his stomach that looks more like a blob of snot. Bea says that she doesn't want to talk about it, so she talks about it. Apparently, her Grandpa took her out to the ocean and was eaten by a shark, and she got bit on the leg. This is literally the conversation Bea and Ken have after she tells the story:
Bea: The sharks took my grandfather. That's why I hate sharks.
Ken: Oh. Now I hate sharks too.
Excuse me while I throw up.
Anyway, now the bombs are ready for tornado-shark blasting, so Bea and Ken get into Ken's helicopter and fly towards Tornado #1. Lou puts a bunch of bombs in the car, so that he can drive the car into the tornado, set off all the bombs, blow up all the sharks, dissolve the tornado, and save everybody if the need arises, except for it wouldn't work very well because there are three tornadoes and only one car full of bombs.
Ken and Bea fly towards Tornado #1. The sharks don't like having a helicopter so close to their tornado, so they start freaking out and attacking the helicopter. Fin saves Ken and Bea from the sharks by shooting them, except for then a bunch of dead sharks start falling out of the sky because it's harder for a tornado to keep a dead shark airborne than a live one.
Ken and Bea chuck Bomb #1 into Tornado #1. Bomb #1 blows up, bits of dead shark fly everywhere, and Tornado #1 disappears. Hooray! Except for a few sharks have survived and are now falling on top of Fin, April, Claudia, Lou, and Ken's Airport Friends. Some of Ken's Airport Friends get eaten. Then a shark bites Lou's leg, but then Tornado #2 comes closer and starts to suck everything towards it, including the shark that's holding onto Lou's leg. Lou grabs onto the car, but the shark is still being sucked into Tornado #2, so both Lou and the shark are hanging off the car being sucked into the tornado. Eventually, the tornado wins, so Lou is dead.
Ken and Bea catch up with Tornado #2 and chuck Bomb #2 into Tornado #2. Bomb #2 blows up, bits of dead shark fly everywhere, and Tornado #2 disappears. Hooray! Then they fly over to Tornado #3. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I think what happened is that before Bea could activate the bomb and throw it into Tornado #3, she fell out of the helicopter and into a live shark's mouth. Ken gets upset or something, I'm not sure, but anyway he ended up crashing the helicopter. He survived though. Hooray!
I forgot to say that the airport is right next to a Retirement Home. In the backyard of the Retirement Home is a swimming pool. A couple of Old People have decided that, since there are three ginormous tornadoes full of flying sharks, it would be a good time to go swimming. So, one Old Man is swimming in the pool while an Old Lady is sitting next to the pool in her swimsuit. The Old Lady sees Tornado #3 coming straight towards them, and falls into the pool. Fin and everybody get the Old People out of the pool and into the Retirement Home Building along with Ken, Claudia, and April. Then he runs to the car.
Fin gets into the car, which is still packed with explosives, activates the explosives, and makes the car drive straight into Tornado #3 right when the explosives explode. Then he takes up his chainsaw, turns it on, and uses it to dismember the sharks from Tornado #3 that are now falling from the sky because the explosion made Tornado #3 disappear. But wait! What is this? A shark is about to fall on top of Claudia! Fin takes his chainsaw, pushes Claudia out of the way, and jumps into the shark's mouth with the chainsaw still going. When the shark hits the ground, everybody comes out of the Retirement Home and stares at it. Something in the shark is moving and making the shark's stomach do weird rippling movements. Then, Fin's chainsaw comes up through the shark and slices through the shark's stomach, and out comes Fin. Everyone's happy to see him, but he ignores everybody, reaches into the dead shark, and pulls out Bea Keeny, who is still alive. So, they all have a jolly group hug and congratulate themselves on how awesome they are for defeating the flying sharks and the tornadoes, and they all live Happily Ever After.
The End
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
More On Batman Begins
WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS OFFENSIVE CONTENT AGAINST CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S BATMAN BEGINS
A couple of days ago, my brother Anthony was watching Batman Begins. I didn't watch it with him, but I was popping in an out while doing other stuff, and sort of half-watching it. I saw Batman Begins for the first time a few years ago, and thought it was great, but not nearly as great as Adam West's Batman. That, like I said, was a few years ago, so when I saw bits of it now, I noticed some things in the plot/characters/what-not that bothered the b'gosh out of me. So, if you are a die-hard fan of Christopher Nolan's Batman, stop reading now, because I'm going to roast it.
The first thing that bothered me is that while Bruce is sort of a criminal and he's in Some Sort of Prison Camp and gets chucked into Solitary Confinement, Raj Al Gool or however you spell it is waiting for him. So he sort of intuitively knew somehow that Bruce was going to beat the snot out of some Fellow Prisoners and get chucked into Solitary Confinement at that time on that day. That, or he was just sitting there waiting for Bruce to beat the snot out of some Fellow Prisoners and get chucked into Solitary Confinement. Plus, Bruce isn't Sufficiently Weirded-Out on discovering that he has a Weirdo Stalker with a mustache and a Weirdo Name. But maybe that's just me.
Thing That Bothered Me #2 is Bruce Wayne as a kid. He's a sweet kid and all that, but he says almost all his lines with the same inflection in his voice.
"Did you build this TRAIN, Dad?
"BETter men?"
"Can we GO?"
I don't know how to type voice inflections, but whatever.
Thing That Bothered Me #3 is that there's a sort of Remote Group Of Ninja People in The Middle of Nowhere, and they've singled out a Random City across the Globe in America, and decided they'd like to destroy it because they think it sucks. Not that it doesn't suck, it probably does, but it's not like The Middle Of Nowhere gets the Daily Gotham Times that talks about all the crime and corruption in Gotham. And they don't use technology like TV or computers, so they wouldn't hear about How Much Gotham Sucks through the news or the Drudge Report or Facebook. That's like a group of Amish people in America deciding that they have to go and put an end to crime and corruption in Timbuktu. Not that there is crime and corruption in Timbuktu. I don't know squat about Timbuktu. But Timbuktu doesn't know squat about me, so I'm all right with that.
Coming back to Bruce Wayne As A Kid, I don't understand why they're in this Big Fancy Opera House, and decide to use the Teeny Exit that opens up to a Dark Spooky Alley. I don't think I've ever been to an Opera House, but I have been in a few orchestra concerts, and there's usually a Grand Entrance Hall With Lights And People and most of the other exits are Emergency Exits and make a bit of a fuss if you try to open the doors. The ones that aren't Emergency Exits are usually ones just for the performers, and sometimes you sort of have to go backstage in order to get to the door.
Anyway I wonder why Bruce's parents would want to take their 10 ish year old son to an opera featuring bats, which they pretty much know scare the heck out of him. If they wanted to have a Nice Family Outing, they should have taken him to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 or Land Before Time 35566322, or they should have gone on a picnic or out for ice cream or something.
Bruce: Hey, Mom and Dad, I want to go on a Nice Family Outing.
Bruce's Dad: Ok! That's a great idea we'll do that!
Bruce's Mom: What do you want to do?
Bruce: Oh! You know how I've got this Massive Phobia of Bats? Can we dress up in our Uncomfortable Dressy Outfits and go see a Creepy Opera With Lots Of Bats?
Bruce's Dad: Why, Bruce, that's a magical idea! Of course we'll do that.
Bruce: Hooray! I'm the Luckiest Boy in Gotham!
I don't remember much of the rest of the movie. It was good, but it didn't tickle me as pink as I would have liked to be tickled. Apologies if you're a Christopher Nolan Batman Fan.
A couple of days ago, my brother Anthony was watching Batman Begins. I didn't watch it with him, but I was popping in an out while doing other stuff, and sort of half-watching it. I saw Batman Begins for the first time a few years ago, and thought it was great, but not nearly as great as Adam West's Batman. That, like I said, was a few years ago, so when I saw bits of it now, I noticed some things in the plot/characters/what-not that bothered the b'gosh out of me. So, if you are a die-hard fan of Christopher Nolan's Batman, stop reading now, because I'm going to roast it.
The first thing that bothered me is that while Bruce is sort of a criminal and he's in Some Sort of Prison Camp and gets chucked into Solitary Confinement, Raj Al Gool or however you spell it is waiting for him. So he sort of intuitively knew somehow that Bruce was going to beat the snot out of some Fellow Prisoners and get chucked into Solitary Confinement at that time on that day. That, or he was just sitting there waiting for Bruce to beat the snot out of some Fellow Prisoners and get chucked into Solitary Confinement. Plus, Bruce isn't Sufficiently Weirded-Out on discovering that he has a Weirdo Stalker with a mustache and a Weirdo Name. But maybe that's just me.
Thing That Bothered Me #2 is Bruce Wayne as a kid. He's a sweet kid and all that, but he says almost all his lines with the same inflection in his voice.
"Did you build this TRAIN, Dad?
"BETter men?"
"Can we GO?"
I don't know how to type voice inflections, but whatever.
Thing That Bothered Me #3 is that there's a sort of Remote Group Of Ninja People in The Middle of Nowhere, and they've singled out a Random City across the Globe in America, and decided they'd like to destroy it because they think it sucks. Not that it doesn't suck, it probably does, but it's not like The Middle Of Nowhere gets the Daily Gotham Times that talks about all the crime and corruption in Gotham. And they don't use technology like TV or computers, so they wouldn't hear about How Much Gotham Sucks through the news or the Drudge Report or Facebook. That's like a group of Amish people in America deciding that they have to go and put an end to crime and corruption in Timbuktu. Not that there is crime and corruption in Timbuktu. I don't know squat about Timbuktu. But Timbuktu doesn't know squat about me, so I'm all right with that.
Coming back to Bruce Wayne As A Kid, I don't understand why they're in this Big Fancy Opera House, and decide to use the Teeny Exit that opens up to a Dark Spooky Alley. I don't think I've ever been to an Opera House, but I have been in a few orchestra concerts, and there's usually a Grand Entrance Hall With Lights And People and most of the other exits are Emergency Exits and make a bit of a fuss if you try to open the doors. The ones that aren't Emergency Exits are usually ones just for the performers, and sometimes you sort of have to go backstage in order to get to the door.
Anyway I wonder why Bruce's parents would want to take their 10 ish year old son to an opera featuring bats, which they pretty much know scare the heck out of him. If they wanted to have a Nice Family Outing, they should have taken him to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 or Land Before Time 35566322, or they should have gone on a picnic or out for ice cream or something.
Bruce: Hey, Mom and Dad, I want to go on a Nice Family Outing.
Bruce's Dad: Ok! That's a great idea we'll do that!
Bruce's Mom: What do you want to do?
Bruce: Oh! You know how I've got this Massive Phobia of Bats? Can we dress up in our Uncomfortable Dressy Outfits and go see a Creepy Opera With Lots Of Bats?
Bruce's Dad: Why, Bruce, that's a magical idea! Of course we'll do that.
Bruce: Hooray! I'm the Luckiest Boy in Gotham!
I don't remember much of the rest of the movie. It was good, but it didn't tickle me as pink as I would have liked to be tickled. Apologies if you're a Christopher Nolan Batman Fan.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Pride and Prejudice Hair/Alphabetic Language
Recently, my mom and Mary have been re-watching the six-volume Pride and Prejudice movies with Colin Firth. Not meaning that Colin Firth was in the room watching it with them, but he was in the actual movie, and still is. I've seen every episode of Pride and Prejudice about 300 times, and I still enjoy it. The only thing that bothers me about it is the hair.
All of the siblings in the movie have completely differently colored hair. Jane is blonde and Lizzy has dark hair, Darcy has dark hair and Georgiana is blonde, Bingley is blonde and Caroline is dark-haired, and Charlotte is dark-haired and Maria is blonde. Of course it's possible for that to happen, but it doesn't usually happen to a lot of people at the same time in the same place. But it doesn't really bother me that it's statistically unlikely, it just bothers me because it bothers me, and I don't know why, but there you are.
I think I saw the Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice a while ago. Oh yeah that was Bride and Prejudice. I never understood the whole Bollywood thing. It's not like Indian people are like Scooby Doo except for they start every word with the letter B instead of R. What if every language was the same, except in each language people began each word with a different letter? Then we'd have to have only 26 languages. I wonder how many languages there are. Scuse me while I bing that. Oh by the way I found out that "to google" something is an Official Verb and in Spanish it's "googlear." But that's not the point.
I forgot what the point is again.
Oh I was going to bing how many languages there are. Ok I found a website called "How Many You Ask, We Reply" and it says that in a nutshell, there are about 6800 to 6900 "distinct" languages. That's a bit of a problem. But I don't have time to fix it now, I need coffee.
Cheerio!
All of the siblings in the movie have completely differently colored hair. Jane is blonde and Lizzy has dark hair, Darcy has dark hair and Georgiana is blonde, Bingley is blonde and Caroline is dark-haired, and Charlotte is dark-haired and Maria is blonde. Of course it's possible for that to happen, but it doesn't usually happen to a lot of people at the same time in the same place. But it doesn't really bother me that it's statistically unlikely, it just bothers me because it bothers me, and I don't know why, but there you are.
I think I saw the Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice a while ago. Oh yeah that was Bride and Prejudice. I never understood the whole Bollywood thing. It's not like Indian people are like Scooby Doo except for they start every word with the letter B instead of R. What if every language was the same, except in each language people began each word with a different letter? Then we'd have to have only 26 languages. I wonder how many languages there are. Scuse me while I bing that. Oh by the way I found out that "to google" something is an Official Verb and in Spanish it's "googlear." But that's not the point.
I forgot what the point is again.
Oh I was going to bing how many languages there are. Ok I found a website called "How Many You Ask, We Reply" and it says that in a nutshell, there are about 6800 to 6900 "distinct" languages. That's a bit of a problem. But I don't have time to fix it now, I need coffee.
Cheerio!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: The Musical
(Non-Musical Part: The Dursley's have the Masons over for dinner, Harry has to hide in his room, Dobby shows up and tells Harry not to go back to Hogwarts because there's an Evil Plot, Harry says no, Dobby drops the desert on Mrs. Mason's head and makes it look like Harry did it, Harry gets locked in his room for the rest of his life).
Act 1: Harry Locked in His Room ("I Dreamed a Dream" from "Les Miserables"
(Harry)
♪ There was a time when aunts were kind
and their voices soft
and their words inviting
A time when uncles didn't mind
Magic wizard nephews
they thought it was exciting
There was a time when it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream that Ron would write
I dreamed Hermione sent a letter
I dreamed my broom and I took flight
I dreamed of Hogwarts where it's better
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There were no sickles to be paid
There was no butterbeer untasted
But then Dobby dropped the pie
On the head of Mrs. Mason
Dobby said that I would die
If I go, but I won't listen
I had a dream that life would be
So different from this Muggle hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed that dream I dreamed ♪
(Ron, Fred, and George come and rescue Harry. Harry spends the Summer at the Burrow. Harry and Ron miss the train and fly the car to Hogwarts and get detention)
Act 2: Harry Has Detention With Lockhart and Hears a Weird Voice
("When Will My Life Begin?" from "Tangled")
(Harry)
♪ First day of school, the usual morning lineup
Start out with Potions, Snape still wants me to fail
Then it's Dark Arts and Lockhart just made me throw up
Now detention, I'm helping him with his fan mail
And then I'll fly my broom around the Quidditch field
And then I'll make Snape slip on a banana peel
And then I'll duel with Malfoy 'till he has to yield
And wonder when will detention end?
But now I hear a voice from outside the office
It's really scary, I think it wants to kill
Lockhart can't hear it, maybe he's its accomplice
Time to go, I don't know what that voice was, oh well
I'll tell Her-mi-oh-nee and Ron about the voice
They say to tell someone would be a stupid choice
So I'll ignore it now and meanwhile I'll rejoice
Because I'm back where I want to be
I'm back in Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
This is the life for me!
I know the elf
told me not to go
but I can't help it
'cause this is my home
I have survived
some bad things before
if something happens
I can take it, for sure....♪
(Harry, Ron, and Hermione find the writing on the wall that says the Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Mrs. Norris gets petrified. Harry almost gets killed with the Bludger. Some muggle-born students get petrified. Harry speaks Parsletongue. More students get petrified. Everyone blames Harry. Harry blames Malfoy. Harry and Ron interrogate Malfoy using Polyjuice Potion. Malfoy's innocent, but still a jerk. Harry finds Tom Riddle's diary in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom)
Act 3: Tom Riddle's Diary ("You've Got a Friend in Me" from "Toy Story")
♪I found a diary
I found a diary
In the girls' bathroom on the floor
It's disgusting and wet, but there might be more
It might hold answers to the mystery
Yeah, I found a diary
It's from way, way back when the Chamber was opened last time
I think it has a clue, maybe
Tom Riddle says that yes, that is true
So bid adieu
To the Common Room 'cause
Tom's sucking me right in
the book now just on a whim
to show me more 'bout who did it before
It's in the diary
It's alllll in the diary ♪
(Harry founds out that Hagrid apparently opened the Chamber of Secrets 50 years ago and that a girl died in the bathroom and Tom Riddle turned him in. Hermione gets petrified. Harry and Ron sneak out to interrogate Hagrid, but Dumbledore and Fudge and Lucius Malfoy show up. Harry and Ron hide under the Invisibility Cloak. Hagrid gets arrested and he and Dumbledore are escorted off the premises until further notice. Hagrid tells Harry and Ron to follow the spiders. Harry and Ron follow the spiders into the Forbidden Forest)
Act 4: Aragog and the Spiders ("Little April Shower" from "Bambi")
(Harry and Ron)
♪ Creep, creep creep,
lots of giant spiders
creeping around in the forest at night.
Creep, creep, creep
big and scary spiders
tell us that Hagrid was framed out of spite
Framed out of spite
Framed out of spite
Creep, creep, creep, creep
Creep, creep, creep
all the scary spiders
want us to stay for their spidery feast
creep, creep, creep,
sorry, creepy spiders
we don't want you to eat us in the least
not in the least
not in the least ♪
(Harry and Ron escape via the Flying Car. They visit Hermione in the Hospital Wing and find her crumpled paper she tore out of a library book. Then they report her for vandalism. But first they find out that Hermione figured out that the monster in the Chamber of Secrets is Probably A Basilisk and that it's been hiding in the plumbing. Then, Harry and Ron hear that Ginny has been taken down into the Chamber of Secrets. Professor MacGonagall peer pressures Lockhart into going down into the Chamber. Lockhart goes to his office to "get ready." Harry and Ron follow him to tell him what they know, find him packing, get PO'd, disarm Lockhart, and make him come with them to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom)
Act 5: The Chamber of Secrets ("Castle on a Cloud" from "Les Miserables")
(Harry)
♪ There is a chamber underground
We're both afraid, but we must go
to save Ron's sister from the foe
down in the chamber underground.
I found that I speak Parsletongue
That way I can open the door
Now there's a tunnel in the floor
Leads to the chamber underground.
There is the guy from the diary
I think that he wants to kill me
he's weird and creepy and mean and such
he says "Harry, I hate you very much."
Now there's a snake of giant size
it wants to kill and eat my face
but, Fawkes the Phoenix comes around
helps kill the serpent underground ♪
(Harry finds Ginny and Tom Riddle/Voldemort. Voldemort explains his Diabolical Scheme to Harry for the benefit of the readers who otherwise wouldn't know what the heck's going on if Voldemort had just got on with it and killed Harry instead of chatting. The Basilisk comes out, Fawkes comes and blinds it, Harry kills it with Gryffindor's Sword that came out of The Sorting Hat which Fawkes brought because Harry showed Great Loyalty To Dumbledore. Harry stabs the diary with a basilisk fang, and Voldemort/the diary die again. Harry and Ginny go back to Ron and Lockhart. Lockhart's memory is messed up. Fawkes flies them back up the tunnel. Dumbledore and Hagrid come back. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout unpetrify all the petrified people. Dumbledore cancels all the exams, everybody's happy and there's jam for tea.)
The End
Act 1: Harry Locked in His Room ("I Dreamed a Dream" from "Les Miserables"
(Harry)
♪ There was a time when aunts were kind
and their voices soft
and their words inviting
A time when uncles didn't mind
Magic wizard nephews
they thought it was exciting
There was a time when it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream that Ron would write
I dreamed Hermione sent a letter
I dreamed my broom and I took flight
I dreamed of Hogwarts where it's better
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There were no sickles to be paid
There was no butterbeer untasted
But then Dobby dropped the pie
On the head of Mrs. Mason
Dobby said that I would die
If I go, but I won't listen
I had a dream that life would be
So different from this Muggle hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed that dream I dreamed ♪
(Ron, Fred, and George come and rescue Harry. Harry spends the Summer at the Burrow. Harry and Ron miss the train and fly the car to Hogwarts and get detention)
Act 2: Harry Has Detention With Lockhart and Hears a Weird Voice
("When Will My Life Begin?" from "Tangled")
(Harry)
♪ First day of school, the usual morning lineup
Start out with Potions, Snape still wants me to fail
Then it's Dark Arts and Lockhart just made me throw up
Now detention, I'm helping him with his fan mail
And then I'll fly my broom around the Quidditch field
And then I'll make Snape slip on a banana peel
And then I'll duel with Malfoy 'till he has to yield
And wonder when will detention end?
But now I hear a voice from outside the office
It's really scary, I think it wants to kill
Lockhart can't hear it, maybe he's its accomplice
Time to go, I don't know what that voice was, oh well
I'll tell Her-mi-oh-nee and Ron about the voice
They say to tell someone would be a stupid choice
So I'll ignore it now and meanwhile I'll rejoice
Because I'm back where I want to be
I'm back in Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
In Hogwarts
This is the life for me!
I know the elf
told me not to go
but I can't help it
'cause this is my home
I have survived
some bad things before
if something happens
I can take it, for sure....♪
(Harry, Ron, and Hermione find the writing on the wall that says the Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Mrs. Norris gets petrified. Harry almost gets killed with the Bludger. Some muggle-born students get petrified. Harry speaks Parsletongue. More students get petrified. Everyone blames Harry. Harry blames Malfoy. Harry and Ron interrogate Malfoy using Polyjuice Potion. Malfoy's innocent, but still a jerk. Harry finds Tom Riddle's diary in Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom)
Act 3: Tom Riddle's Diary ("You've Got a Friend in Me" from "Toy Story")
♪I found a diary
I found a diary
In the girls' bathroom on the floor
It's disgusting and wet, but there might be more
It might hold answers to the mystery
Yeah, I found a diary
It's from way, way back when the Chamber was opened last time
I think it has a clue, maybe
Tom Riddle says that yes, that is true
So bid adieu
To the Common Room 'cause
Tom's sucking me right in
the book now just on a whim
to show me more 'bout who did it before
It's in the diary
It's alllll in the diary ♪
(Harry founds out that Hagrid apparently opened the Chamber of Secrets 50 years ago and that a girl died in the bathroom and Tom Riddle turned him in. Hermione gets petrified. Harry and Ron sneak out to interrogate Hagrid, but Dumbledore and Fudge and Lucius Malfoy show up. Harry and Ron hide under the Invisibility Cloak. Hagrid gets arrested and he and Dumbledore are escorted off the premises until further notice. Hagrid tells Harry and Ron to follow the spiders. Harry and Ron follow the spiders into the Forbidden Forest)
Act 4: Aragog and the Spiders ("Little April Shower" from "Bambi")
(Harry and Ron)
♪ Creep, creep creep,
lots of giant spiders
creeping around in the forest at night.
Creep, creep, creep
big and scary spiders
tell us that Hagrid was framed out of spite
Framed out of spite
Framed out of spite
Creep, creep, creep, creep
Creep, creep, creep
all the scary spiders
want us to stay for their spidery feast
creep, creep, creep,
sorry, creepy spiders
we don't want you to eat us in the least
not in the least
not in the least ♪
(Harry and Ron escape via the Flying Car. They visit Hermione in the Hospital Wing and find her crumpled paper she tore out of a library book. Then they report her for vandalism. But first they find out that Hermione figured out that the monster in the Chamber of Secrets is Probably A Basilisk and that it's been hiding in the plumbing. Then, Harry and Ron hear that Ginny has been taken down into the Chamber of Secrets. Professor MacGonagall peer pressures Lockhart into going down into the Chamber. Lockhart goes to his office to "get ready." Harry and Ron follow him to tell him what they know, find him packing, get PO'd, disarm Lockhart, and make him come with them to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom)
Act 5: The Chamber of Secrets ("Castle on a Cloud" from "Les Miserables")
(Harry)
♪ There is a chamber underground
We're both afraid, but we must go
to save Ron's sister from the foe
down in the chamber underground.
I found that I speak Parsletongue
That way I can open the door
Now there's a tunnel in the floor
Leads to the chamber underground.
There is the guy from the diary
I think that he wants to kill me
he's weird and creepy and mean and such
he says "Harry, I hate you very much."
Now there's a snake of giant size
it wants to kill and eat my face
but, Fawkes the Phoenix comes around
helps kill the serpent underground ♪
(Harry finds Ginny and Tom Riddle/Voldemort. Voldemort explains his Diabolical Scheme to Harry for the benefit of the readers who otherwise wouldn't know what the heck's going on if Voldemort had just got on with it and killed Harry instead of chatting. The Basilisk comes out, Fawkes comes and blinds it, Harry kills it with Gryffindor's Sword that came out of The Sorting Hat which Fawkes brought because Harry showed Great Loyalty To Dumbledore. Harry stabs the diary with a basilisk fang, and Voldemort/the diary die again. Harry and Ginny go back to Ron and Lockhart. Lockhart's memory is messed up. Fawkes flies them back up the tunnel. Dumbledore and Hagrid come back. Madam Pomfrey and Professor Sprout unpetrify all the petrified people. Dumbledore cancels all the exams, everybody's happy and there's jam for tea.)
The End
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone: The Musical
Act 1: The Boy Who Lived ("Miracle Child" from "Joseph: King of Dreams")
(Dumbledore)
♫ Youuuu are the Boy who Lived
You are the best
You shine the brightest
You'll staaay with your jerk relatives
Though they don't love
you in the slightest
You were made for wizardry
You'll be just as good as me
Voldemort will not forgive
For you are the Boy who Lived!
(Harry)
Dear professor, I'm just a baby
But Voldemort gave me a scar on my head
To remind me things you've told me all my life
I am special, I am smart
I am somehow set apart
I'm protected by the love my mother gived
for IIIIIIII am the Boy who Lived
I've got black hair
And bright green eyeballs
Though Voooooldemort maybe still lives
My life's been charmed
Amazingness calls
I was made for something more
Not to struggle, but to soooooooar
To my life my mother gived
For I am the Booy who Liiiiiiived! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: Harry lives with the Dursleys for ten years, they hate him, he starts getting Letters From Hogwarts,Uncle Vernon won't let him read any.)
Act 2: Hagrid ("Lonely Goatherd" from "The Sound of Music")
♫ In Privet Drive lived a lonely wizard
laydee odle laydee odle lay hee ho!
But he did not know he was a wizard
Laydee odle laydee odle loooooo.
Then Hagrid came, Harry thought he misheard
laydee odle laydee odle lay hee ho!
'Cause Hagrid told him he was a wizard
laydee odle laydee odle looo.
Oh, ho, laydeee odle lay, ho
Ho, ho, laydee odle lay.
Oh, ho, laydee odle lay, ho
laydee odle lay ho lay! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: Hagrid takes Harry to Diagon Alley, Harry buys all his stuff and meets Malfoy ( in the book), later goes to Kings Cross to board The Hogwarts Express.)
Act 3: Harry Meets the Weasleys ("Old McDonald Had a Farm")
♫ Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And in that clan she had a Perce
E I E I O!
With a prefect here, and a prefect there
Here a pre, there a fect
Everywhere a prefect
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And in that clan she had some twins
E I E I O!
With a Freddie here, and a Georgie there
Here a Fred, there a George,
Everywhere a Fred-George
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And on that clan she had a Ron
E I E I O!
With a Harry here, and a Harry there
They hung out, in the end
Harry was his best friend
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
(Non-Musical Part: Harry and Ron go to Hogwarts, get sorted into Gryffindor, take their first classes, meet Hermione, hate Hermione)
Act 4: Hermione ("How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" from "The Sound of Music")
(Harry and Ron)
♫ How do you solve a problem like Hermione?
How do you shun a pushy braniac?
How do find some words that mean Hermione?
A bossy fuss-budget?
A hand in the air?
On crack?
Oh, many a thing you know we'd like to tell her
Many a time we'd like to chuck her out
But how do you shut her face?
And get her to vacate the place?
How to break rules when all she does is shout?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Hermione?
How do you pass a test when she's put out?♫
(Non-Musical Part: Troll-incident = Harry, Ron and Hermione are now friends. Harry plays Quidditch. They find out about the Sorcerer's Stone and think Professor Snape's going to steal it to bring Voldemort back.)
Act 5: Planning to Save the Stone ("I'll Make a Man Out of You" from "Mulan")
(Harry)
♫ Let's get down to business
To protect........the Stone
Dumbledore's not with us
So we'll be........alone
If we fail, I think that Voldemort
Will come back and kill me dead
So let's try
not to fail
like I said.
(Ron)
♫ I'm pretty good at playing Wizard's Chess♫
(Hermione)
♫ Devil's Snare will not confuse me♫
(Harry)
♫ I'm not very smart, but I've got lots of guts♫
(Neville)
♫ Hey, you guys are gonna lose our points!♫
(Hermione)
♫ I must blast you, Neville, sorry♫
(Ron)
♫ When Hermione's mad, I know now I should duck ♫
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
♫ We must be swift as my Nimbus
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
With all the force of a Blast-End Skrewt
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
With all the love of the Three Amigos
And when we are done
we'll turn Snape to
A Newwt!
Ha! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: They go through the obstacle courses, Harry goes to confront Snape alone, finds out it's Quirrel with Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head, Harry has the stone, touches Quirrel, Quirrel dies, Harry goes to the hospital and chats with Dumbledore, Gryffindor wins the House Cup, everybody's happy and there's jam for tea.)
The End
(Dumbledore)
♫ Youuuu are the Boy who Lived
You are the best
You shine the brightest
You'll staaay with your jerk relatives
Though they don't love
you in the slightest
You were made for wizardry
You'll be just as good as me
Voldemort will not forgive
For you are the Boy who Lived!
(Harry)
Dear professor, I'm just a baby
But Voldemort gave me a scar on my head
To remind me things you've told me all my life
I am special, I am smart
I am somehow set apart
I'm protected by the love my mother gived
for IIIIIIII am the Boy who Lived
I've got black hair
And bright green eyeballs
Though Voooooldemort maybe still lives
My life's been charmed
Amazingness calls
I was made for something more
Not to struggle, but to soooooooar
To my life my mother gived
For I am the Booy who Liiiiiiived! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: Harry lives with the Dursleys for ten years, they hate him, he starts getting Letters From Hogwarts,Uncle Vernon won't let him read any.)
Act 2: Hagrid ("Lonely Goatherd" from "The Sound of Music")
♫ In Privet Drive lived a lonely wizard
laydee odle laydee odle lay hee ho!
But he did not know he was a wizard
Laydee odle laydee odle loooooo.
Then Hagrid came, Harry thought he misheard
laydee odle laydee odle lay hee ho!
'Cause Hagrid told him he was a wizard
laydee odle laydee odle looo.
Oh, ho, laydeee odle lay, ho
Ho, ho, laydee odle lay.
Oh, ho, laydee odle lay, ho
laydee odle lay ho lay! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: Hagrid takes Harry to Diagon Alley, Harry buys all his stuff and meets Malfoy ( in the book), later goes to Kings Cross to board The Hogwarts Express.)
Act 3: Harry Meets the Weasleys ("Old McDonald Had a Farm")
♫ Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And in that clan she had a Perce
E I E I O!
With a prefect here, and a prefect there
Here a pre, there a fect
Everywhere a prefect
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And in that clan she had some twins
E I E I O!
With a Freddie here, and a Georgie there
Here a Fred, there a George,
Everywhere a Fred-George
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
And on that clan she had a Ron
E I E I O!
With a Harry here, and a Harry there
They hung out, in the end
Harry was his best friend
Molly Weasley had a clan
E I E I O!
(Non-Musical Part: Harry and Ron go to Hogwarts, get sorted into Gryffindor, take their first classes, meet Hermione, hate Hermione)
Act 4: Hermione ("How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" from "The Sound of Music")
(Harry and Ron)
♫ How do you solve a problem like Hermione?
How do you shun a pushy braniac?
How do find some words that mean Hermione?
A bossy fuss-budget?
A hand in the air?
On crack?
Oh, many a thing you know we'd like to tell her
Many a time we'd like to chuck her out
But how do you shut her face?
And get her to vacate the place?
How to break rules when all she does is shout?
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Hermione?
How do you pass a test when she's put out?♫
(Non-Musical Part: Troll-incident = Harry, Ron and Hermione are now friends. Harry plays Quidditch. They find out about the Sorcerer's Stone and think Professor Snape's going to steal it to bring Voldemort back.)
Act 5: Planning to Save the Stone ("I'll Make a Man Out of You" from "Mulan")
(Harry)
♫ Let's get down to business
To protect........the Stone
Dumbledore's not with us
So we'll be........alone
If we fail, I think that Voldemort
Will come back and kill me dead
So let's try
not to fail
like I said.
(Ron)
♫ I'm pretty good at playing Wizard's Chess♫
(Hermione)
♫ Devil's Snare will not confuse me♫
(Harry)
♫ I'm not very smart, but I've got lots of guts♫
(Neville)
♫ Hey, you guys are gonna lose our points!♫
(Hermione)
♫ I must blast you, Neville, sorry♫
(Ron)
♫ When Hermione's mad, I know now I should duck ♫
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
♫ We must be swift as my Nimbus
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
With all the force of a Blast-End Skrewt
(All)
Save the Stone!
(Harry)
With all the love of the Three Amigos
And when we are done
we'll turn Snape to
A Newwt!
Ha! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: They go through the obstacle courses, Harry goes to confront Snape alone, finds out it's Quirrel with Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head, Harry has the stone, touches Quirrel, Quirrel dies, Harry goes to the hospital and chats with Dumbledore, Gryffindor wins the House Cup, everybody's happy and there's jam for tea.)
The End
Friday, July 5, 2013
Thoughts on The Velveteen Rabbit
Hullo,
It's late, and I should be asleep, but I'm in a philosophical mood and I feel like blogging. And since I'm The Boss Of Me, I can blog as much as I ruddy well want to.
I went to the library today, and I was looking through the bit of the library with all the children's books. I generally like children's books better than adult books, because in my experience, adult books are usually either boring or depressing, unless they're written by Giovanni Guareschi or PG Wodehouse or Georgette Heyer, but that's not the point.
Anyway speaking of children's books (not that I'm speaking out loud as I'm typing this, because I'm not) I was thinking about The Velveteen Rabbit.
I don't remember the exact quote from the book, but we used to watch a clay-mation movie of The Velveteen Rabbit, and there was one bit where the Rabbit was talking to the Sawhorse, and the Sawhorse says something like, "When a child loves you for a long time-not just to play with but really loves you-then you become real." I think that's a bit like what marriage is like. Plus then, the Rabbit only becomes real after he goes through the boy having scarlet fever and then getting a new bunny and then the Rabbit almost gets burned, so there's a lot of sacrifice and putting up with rotten situations involved, which is also like marriage.
Anyhoo, must be going now, I'm sleepy. Good night!
It's late, and I should be asleep, but I'm in a philosophical mood and I feel like blogging. And since I'm The Boss Of Me, I can blog as much as I ruddy well want to.
I went to the library today, and I was looking through the bit of the library with all the children's books. I generally like children's books better than adult books, because in my experience, adult books are usually either boring or depressing, unless they're written by Giovanni Guareschi or PG Wodehouse or Georgette Heyer, but that's not the point.
Anyway speaking of children's books (not that I'm speaking out loud as I'm typing this, because I'm not) I was thinking about The Velveteen Rabbit.
I don't remember the exact quote from the book, but we used to watch a clay-mation movie of The Velveteen Rabbit, and there was one bit where the Rabbit was talking to the Sawhorse, and the Sawhorse says something like, "When a child loves you for a long time-not just to play with but really loves you-then you become real." I think that's a bit like what marriage is like. Plus then, the Rabbit only becomes real after he goes through the boy having scarlet fever and then getting a new bunny and then the Rabbit almost gets burned, so there's a lot of sacrifice and putting up with rotten situations involved, which is also like marriage.
Anyhoo, must be going now, I'm sleepy. Good night!
Dead Rat Juice
Happy belated 4th of July!
I was going to post something yesterday, but I was too busy eating as much food as possible so I didn't.
Overall, it was a very nice day. We started out celebrating by fishing a dead rat out of the neighbor's swimming pool. She lets us use her pool during the summer, and she was out at the moment, so she didn't know that there was a dead rat in her pool. It was in the deep end at the very bottom, which made the situation much more interesting. Me, my Dad, and my brothers sort of stood around the deep end staring at the rat for a few minutes, then my Isaac and Anthony started arguing about who would get to go fetch it out.
I'm using the phrase "get to go fetch it out" in the literal sense, not the sarcastic sense, because both of them wanted to go eight feet underwater and swim back up with a dead rat with its intestines hanging out. My Dad attached Anthony's butterfly net to a long pole thing we have in the shed, and Anthony thought he should be allowed to scoop out the dead rat because it was his butterfly net. Isaac has had past unpleasant experiences with mice, which I was bummeredly missed because I wasn't there, so I think he might have wanted to redeem himself from being uncomfortable with mice crawling over his legs.
I don't remember who actually got the rat out in the end. I think it was Isaac. But, after it was out, my dad took the net and tried to fling it into the trash bin, which was hard to do, because the net wouldn't cooperate and it kept getting tangled up with the rat's intestines. But we got it in the bin in the end.
It sounds like an rotten thing to have happen, but it actually was sort of fun. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, so when life gives you dead rats, you make dead rat juice. It was delicious.
After all that was over, we had some good company and a ton of food, so it was a jolly good time.
Life is much quieter today. My Ma took Anthony out to hang out with friends, and I took Maisie to the park earlier to play with her friends. By "took Maisie to the park" I mean I drove in my car at about 5 mph and she ran alongside it. I don't know why. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to be driven or not, because the parks just a bit of a walk from our house, so I suggested that I drive and she walk, just as a bit of a joke, but she got all excited about it, so that's what we did.
I was going to post something yesterday, but I was too busy eating as much food as possible so I didn't.
Overall, it was a very nice day. We started out celebrating by fishing a dead rat out of the neighbor's swimming pool. She lets us use her pool during the summer, and she was out at the moment, so she didn't know that there was a dead rat in her pool. It was in the deep end at the very bottom, which made the situation much more interesting. Me, my Dad, and my brothers sort of stood around the deep end staring at the rat for a few minutes, then my Isaac and Anthony started arguing about who would get to go fetch it out.
I'm using the phrase "get to go fetch it out" in the literal sense, not the sarcastic sense, because both of them wanted to go eight feet underwater and swim back up with a dead rat with its intestines hanging out. My Dad attached Anthony's butterfly net to a long pole thing we have in the shed, and Anthony thought he should be allowed to scoop out the dead rat because it was his butterfly net. Isaac has had past unpleasant experiences with mice, which I was bummeredly missed because I wasn't there, so I think he might have wanted to redeem himself from being uncomfortable with mice crawling over his legs.
I don't remember who actually got the rat out in the end. I think it was Isaac. But, after it was out, my dad took the net and tried to fling it into the trash bin, which was hard to do, because the net wouldn't cooperate and it kept getting tangled up with the rat's intestines. But we got it in the bin in the end.
It sounds like an rotten thing to have happen, but it actually was sort of fun. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade, so when life gives you dead rats, you make dead rat juice. It was delicious.
After all that was over, we had some good company and a ton of food, so it was a jolly good time.
Life is much quieter today. My Ma took Anthony out to hang out with friends, and I took Maisie to the park earlier to play with her friends. By "took Maisie to the park" I mean I drove in my car at about 5 mph and she ran alongside it. I don't know why. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to be driven or not, because the parks just a bit of a walk from our house, so I suggested that I drive and she walk, just as a bit of a joke, but she got all excited about it, so that's what we did.
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