Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The Musical

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The Musical

Act 1: Voldemort Makes A Mess Out Of England ("An Actor's Life For Me" from "Pinocchio")

(Voldemort)

♪ Hi, diddle dee dee
A Dark Lord's life for me

I’m killing muggle-borns left and right

I’m wreaking havoc all through the night

Hi diddle dee day

A Dark Lord’s life is gay

It’s great to be a monstrosity

A Dark Lord’s life for me!

Hi diddle dee dum

A Dark Lord’s life is fun!

Hi diddle dee dee!

A Dark Lord’s life for me!

I’m zapping folks with my phoenix wand

I kill brunettes and I’m killing blondes

Now to infinity and beyond!

A Dark Lord’s life for me! ♪

Act 2: Harry Meets Horace Slughorn ("Part of Your World" from "A Little Mermaid")

(Slughorn)

♪Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?

Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?

Wouldn’t you think I’m a guy, a guy who has everything?

Look at this shelf, look and behold

How many photos can one cabinet hold?

Lookin around wouldn’t you think “sure, he knows everyone?”

I’ve got famous great wizards a plenty

I’ve taught names of great interest galore

You want ministry berks? I’ve got twenty

But who cares? No big deal I want more

I wanna teach Harry Potter now

I wanna see, wanna see him learning

It was so cool when he escaped that-what’s that word again? Oh, death.

I’m sick and tired of hiding now

Harry’s required to make me famous

Thinkin about it makes me lose my-what dyou call it? Breath.

Watchin him walk, watchin him run,

He’s truly Lily Potter’s son

Oh, dear Harry

Wish I could be part of your wooooorld.♪

Act 3: Malfoy Brags About Possibly Being a Death Eater ("Hi Ho" from "Snow White")

(Malfoy)

♪Hi ho, hi ho

It’s off to work I’ll go

I’ll leave this school and all these fools

Hi ho,

Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho,

It’s off to work I’ll go

For Him I’ll work to kill these berks

Hi ho,

Hi ho!♪

Act 4: Felix Felices ("When You Wish Upon a Star" from "Pinocchio")

(Slughorn)

♪When you drink this little brew

Makes no difference what you do

Fortune will be yours before you

Make one blink

Here’s the Draught of living death

If you make it, hold your breath

if you make it, Liquid Luck

Is yours to drink♪ 

Act 5: The House of Gaunt (Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe)

(Dumbledore)

♪There was an old geezer

Who lived in a slum

To say he was kindly

Is sooner said than done

He had two children there

His daughter, tis said

Was Voldemort’s mother

Before she got all dead.♪ 

Act 6: Voldemort as a Boy ("Chava Ballet Sequence" from "The Fiddler on the Roof")

(Dumbledore)

♪Little boy

Little Voldemort

Harry, this is how he was when he was young

Everything will soon be clear

Snarky and rude and mischevious 

That weird little boy you were

Voldemort, voldemort

Little boy

Little Voldemort

He was always such a creepy little thing

But everybody’s favorite child

Snarky and rude and mischevious 

That weird little boy you were

Voldemort

Voldemort ♪

Act 7: Slughorn's Memory (Bob the Builder Theme Song)

(Dumbledore)

♪Sluughorn’s mem’ry

Can you get it?

Sluuuuughorn’s mem’ry

(Harry)

Yes I can!

(Dumbledore)

We’ve got to conquer

Voldemort

The memory is our

Last resort

You must convince

My fat old chum

To give you the mem’ry

To get the job done

Can we do it?

(Harry)

Yeah!

(Dumbledore)

Can you get it?

(Harry)

Yeah!

(Dumbledore)

Slughorn’s mem’ry

Can you get it?

Slughorn’s mem’ry

(Harry)

Yes I can! ♪

Act 8: Ron Gets Poisoned ("Healing Incantation" from "Tangled")

(Harry)

♪Boezar, small and round

Let your power shine

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

Ronald has been hurt

Poison in the wine

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine.♪

Act 9: Sectumsempra ("Little Dressmakers" from "Cinderella")

(Harry)

♪Sectumsempra,  sectumsempra

Malfoy’s down with Sectumsempra

He was crying in the bathroom

So I snuck in, did some spying

Then he caught me and he cursed me

He tried to keep me hopping

We went around in circles till we’re very very dizzy

Still he hexed me! So I called out Sectumsepmra♪

(Snape)

♪Hey! Harry did it!

Harry did it, Harry did it

Harry called out sectumsempra

He made Malfoy really bloody

And then he went a-running

(Harry)

Oh, no I didn’t do it!

I don’t even know him

Just going to the loo today

I don’t want any trouble

It was never me who called out sectumsempra

(Snape)

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry,

I know you said Sectumsempry

You are such a little liar

I’m watching you perspire

(Harry)

Someone just cut him with the scissors!

You can just do some sewing

(Snape)

Leave the sewing to the women.

You will get detention

Cause I know that you cursed him with Sectumsempra

Oh! I know that you cursed him with Sectumsempra ♪

Act 10: The Cave ("Poor Unfortunate Souls" from "A Little Mermaid")

(Dumbledore)

♪I admit I’ve got a mind the size of Europe

They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a brain

And you’ll find that nowadays

I haven’t changed my ways

And I believe that you can be the same

And I fortunately know a little magic

It’s a talent that I always have possessed

I think Voldemort won’t laugh

If I use it on his behalf

To destroy his objects that protect his soul

A part of Voldemort’s soul

In a cave, indeed

This one I think is the locket

Not the ring and not the snake

And so we must go with all speed

A part of Voldemort’s soul

So sad, so true

It’s just sitting in a basin

With protections, yes I know

But we must get it

Harry, dude.

Now it’s happened once or twice

That I’ve had to pay a price

To destroy a Horcrux, see I burnt my hand

But I never will complain

Though this hand drives me insane

But we’ll destroy Lord Voldemort’s soul!♪

Act 11: Ode to Dumbledore ("Madeline" from "Madeline")

(Harry)

♪If you believe you must be mean in order to be tough

You should have got to know him

He’d teach you other stuff

Oh, Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

You were so very tall

Oh Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

The wisest of all

He may have been a geezer

A gentleman so soft

But that would never stop him

From pissing villains off

Oh, Dumbledore oh Dumbledore

You weren’t afraid at all

Oh Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

The bravest of all!♪

The End

Pinocchio Saves the World and Does a Great Service to Aslan

Here's another bit of completely useless information:

My family and I just got back from Priest Lake with all the aunts and uncles and cousins and Grandma, which was fantastic fun, by the way, and in the car on the way back, we listened to an audiobook of The Horse and His Boy by Mr. C.S. Lewis.

If you're not familiar with The Horse and His Boy, then let me tell you there's a bit at the end in which the villain gets turned into a donkey. I was trying to picture that happening, and in my brain it ended up looking like the kids turning into donkeys near the end of Pinocchio.

In The Horse and His Boy, the villain, whose name is Rabbidash if I'm spelling that right, gets turned into a donkey by Aslan in order to make him look ridiculous and humilify him. But while watching Pinocchio, the average Pinocchio Watcher might ask, why turn the boys into donkeys? Why not dragons or giant squids so that the villains can take over the world instead of pulling carriages?

Here's why:

1. In The Horse and His Boy, Aslan turns Rabbidash into a donkey in order to humble him and make him look like an idiot, because Rabbidash is a scum-sucking moron. BUT, Aslan tells Rabbidash how to undo the enchantment, which Rabbidash does, so then he can go back to his kingdom and be the Tisroc (may he live forever).
2. This isn't in the book, but Rabbidash has a son who is very angry at Aslan making his father and Tisroc (may he live forever) the laughing stock of Calormene and Narnia and Archenland.
3. So, Rabbidash's son (I don't know his name, so I'll call him Phreddrique) invents The Craft of Turning People Into Donkeys so that he can turn as many people into donkeys as he wants for revenge, and hopefully make everybody forget about his father's brief spell as a donkey pun intended I win. This is evil because he's doing it out of spite and for his own satisfaction, whereas Aslan did it only once, and for Rabbidash's own good.
4. Phreddrique passes on the knowledge of How To Turn People Into Donkeys to his son, who passes it to his son, etc, but nobody uses it because it hasn't been perfected yet.
5. UNTIL we come to The Villain From Pinocchio who is a descendant of Rabbidash and Phreddrique (I'll call him Phreddrique IV because I don't know his name either). Phreddrique IV perfects the Craft of Turning People Into Donkeys, but he doesn't quite know if it works yet, so he tests it out on lots of little boys. First, he tempts them to be bad by bringing them to Pleasure Island, so it's his way of trying to shove it in Aslan's face and saying "Har, Aslan, look I can make bad people into donkeys too."
6. Presumably, his plot was dissolved after Pinocchio escaped and told everybody about it, but that's not in either of the stories.

So, in a nutshell, the Villain from Pinocchio is Rabbidash's descendant trying to get revenge on Aslan, and the whole Pinocchio story takes place in Narnia, which is why Jiminy Cricket can talk. I know Figaro and Chleo can't talk, but there are animals who can't talk in Narnia, so that's OK.

Good night!

The Tao of Idiots

Hello!

I'm in philosophical mood again today, so here goes.

Idiot Philosophy by Elizabeth

From what I've seen on TV and read in books and what-not, stupid people are a lot happier than smart people because stupid people are more easily entertained by and interested in things.

For example:

1. Forrest Gump is stupid and he has fun just cutting grass.
2. Gilligan is stupid and he's very proud of himself for doing small things right like building a sign that says "Gilligan Raft Maker" or for picking up a coconut without breaking it when he's high on radioactive spinach that gives him super strength.
3. Arthur Shappey is stupid and has a lot of fun tossing apples from hand to hand and spotting yellow cars, and like Pooh (see #8), his non-existent brain doesn't tell him that there could be other things that could make him even happier.
4. Sam Gamgee isn't stupid, but he's more simple-minded I guess, and he's always cheerful about whatever's going to happen, which is key in getting Frodo up Mount Doom and getting the Ring destroyed. So Sam saved Middle Earth just as much as Frodo did, although technically Smeagol accidentally saved Middle Earth. But that's a whole other discussion.
5. Gandalf calls Pippin a fool a lot because he's a jerk, but if you read the book, Pippin knows that bottom line, there's a war and his friends are in danger and he's going to do his best to kick orc butt and help his chums while being as cheerful as possible.
6. Neville Longbottom is supposed to be stupid, but he's driven by kicking evil butt the best he can, and this leads him to cut off Voldemort's snake's head, thus destroying another Horcrux and saving the day.
7. Edmund Pevensie isn't known for being stupid, but he was stupid in trusting the White Witch and almost getting his family killed, but that helped him to demolish the Witch's wand because he hated her guts after being in her custody and he probably wanted to make up for his previous stupidity.
8. Pooh Bear is "a bear of very little brain," but he doesn't mind because he has friends and a home and honey, which is enough for him to be happy. He doesn't want more, because his non-existent brain doesn't tell him that there's more he could have to be even happier.
9. St. Bernadette wasn't famous for being smart and there's a story about her where she couldn't remember what the Trinity was, but now she's a Saint in Heaven, so she's probably fairly satisfied with how her life turned out.
10. There's a bit of the book "The Little World of Don Camillo"  by Giovanni Guareschi where Don Camillo is chatting with Christ on the crucifix in the little church, and Don Camillo says something stupid, so he corrects himself by saying something like "I am a poor, ignorant priest and my head is full of fog," to which Christ replies, "where there is Don Camillo, he is sufficient in himself. It is often the intellect which fogs the brain."
11. Bertie Wooster is described by Jeeves as having "a heart of gold" but being "somewhat mentally negligible," if I'm getting that quote right, and that's why he's so awesome.

So in a nutshell (in my opinion anyway)

stupid people = happy and awesome

and

smart people also = happy and awesome except for the ones who are grumpy and lame like Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins as opposed to the Professor from Gilligan's Island.

Truly stupid people are almost never grumpy and lame.

Billions of people have probably already thought of that, and I don't know if it's actually true or not because I haven't evaluated the worldly population's IQ and happiness level, but it's a new-ish concept for me.

The End

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Musical

Act 1: In Which Harry Laments His Being Stuck In Privet Drive Being Attacked By Dementors ("Strange Things are Happening To Me" from "Toy Story")

(Harry)
♪ I was on top of the world, living high
nothing I did was errant
I was living the life
Things were just the way they should be

When, from out of a spell, like a bomb
came that punk who killed my parents
Now all of a sudden
some strange things are happening to me

I had friends, I had lots of friends
Now they're having fun without me
And I'm stuck here in Privet Drive with no company

I had power, I was respected
But not anymore
And I just got attacked
by some jerk Dementors

Let me tell you 'bout the
straaaaaaaaaange things are happening to me
straaaaaaaaaange things
straaaaaaaaaaange things are happening to me
ain't no doubt about it

All this summer I thought I was alone
It turns out I've been stalked
The minute you turn your back
there's weird strangers following you

They think you're a git
for protecting yourself
with some magic
Then they get you expelled
from the school that was so homey to you

Straaaaaaaange things are happening to me
Straaaaaaaange things
Straaaaange things are happening to me
ain't no doubt about it
straaaaaaaaange things...♪

Act 2: #12 Grimmauld Place ("Till I'm Grown" from "The Jungle Book")

(Sirius)

♪ Myyyyyy old hommmme
myyyyyy old hommmme
myyyy old hoommmmme
my old home

Mother's screaming in her portrait
Kreacher's cleaning while he moans
Everyone wants me arrested
So I have to stay at home

Myyyy old hommme
myyyy old hommmme
Everyone wants me arrested
So I have to stay at home ♪

Act 3: Fred, George, and Ginny Celebrate the Result of Harry's Hearing *This part is in the book, not the movie. Fred, George and Ginny dance around the table singing ♪ he got off he got off♪* ("Under the Sea" from "The Little Mermaid")

(Fred, George, Ginny)

♪ The hearing is finally over
And Harry won't be expelled
'Cause Dumbledore came and saved him
from eternal Muggle Hell

And now we can have a party
to celebrate for our chum
and Dumbledore who's a smarty
cause he rescued Harry's bum

Harry got off
Harry got off
Fudge can't expel him
Dumbledore spelled him
just like a boss
Now Harry can go back to school
even though Fudge is such a tool
Drinks all around we
must have a party
Harry got off!♪

Act 4: Professor Umbridge ("The Life I Lead" from "Mary Poppins")

(Umbridge)

♪ A wizard teacher must be a general
the students' future lies within her hands
I will inform the ministry when there is need
when things are getting out of hand.

A wizard ministry is run with precision
A wizard school requires nothing less
Tradition, discipline and rules must be the tooools
without them
disorder!
catastrophe!
anarchy!
in short, we have a ghastly mess!♪

Act 5: In Which Hermione Proposes Harry Teaches Defense ("The Perfect Nanny" from "Mary Poppins")

Hermione: Wanted: a teacher for two adorable children.

♪ If we want to learn defenses
we need someone else to teach us
Handsome face, no warts-

Ron: That's the part I put in!

(Hermione)

♪-learn spells, all sorts.

You must be smart, you must be noble
very brave and very humble
Teach us some jinxes, give advice
charge us no price

If you won't scold and dominate us
we will never give you cause to hate us
we won't hide your spectacles so you can't see
but skrewts in your bed
or maggots in your tea

Hurry, Harry
Many thanks, sincerely

(Ron and Hermione)

♪ Hermione and Ron ♪

Act 6: Fred and George's Fireworks ("The Bare Necessities" from "The Jungle Book")

(Fred and George)

♪Look out for magic fireworks

Our super magic fireworks

Forget about your homework and your tests

I mean the magic fireworks

That make Professor Umbridge shirk

For our fantastic fireworks are best

There’s no one more meaner

So please make her leave

And when she’s mean give her

Hell from us, Peeves

And special discounts to all those

Who want to crush her witchy toes

‘cause we’ve got premises for our shop

To sell joke stuff and bring us to the top

So maybe, try a few

And watch our fireworks, we made them just for you! ♪

Act 7: In Which Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny Go Off To Rescue Sirius ("One Jump Ahead" from "Aladdin")

(Harry)

Gotta make

One jump onto the thestrals

One trip away from the school

Me and Voldemort will have a duel

One jump ahead of his henchmen

To save Sirius from the foes

Those guys don’t appreciate I’m pro

(Ron)

 Harry…

(Hermione)

 think first!

(Ron)

it’s a trick-

(Hermione)

for sure!

(Harry)

I don’t think it is guys...

(Ginny)

Hey he’s here let’s help him out, guys!

(Harry)

I don’t need your help,

You’ll get in my way

Then you all will meet your doom

Ron: Doom?

(Luna)

Yes, but Harry, we’re part of the squadron

(Neville)

We’re supposed to fight the villains’ crime

(Hermione)

I’d blame parents except he hasn’t got ‘em

(Harry)

Sirius will die, if I don’t go now

Tell you more about it when I’ve got the time

One jump onto the thestral

I wish I had my broom

These things sometimes make me want to swoon

One flight over to London

That’s where Sirius is

This time nobody is coming with.

(Hermione)

Harry!

(Ron)

Wait up!

(Ginny)

We won’t-

(Neville)

Give up!

(Harry)

You might never come back…

(Luna)

Look! There goes a Crumplehorn snorcack!

(Harry)

Don’t have time for this

Sirius might die

Fine, then you can come along

One jump ahead of the villains

One hop ahead of the chumps

Or Sirius faces disaster

They’re fast, so let’s be faster

Here goes, gotta throw my hand in

Wish me happy landin,

All we gotta do is flyyyyyyy!

The End. 

Hot Men from The Planet Zoosk

I was on Facebook just now, and there was an ad on the side that said "Find your next hot date on Zoosk." I think Zoosk is meant to be a website, but it sounds like an Alien Planet. Maybe Facebook has noticed that my relationship status has been "single" for the last five years, so it's assuming that if I wanted to have a boyfriend, I'd have one by now because the Planet Earth is teeming with eligible bachelors, but for some reason I've found fault with every single one of them, so Facebook is giving me the option of dating Hot Men from the Planet Zoosk.

I never knew there was a Planet Zoosk, if Facebook is talking about a planet. What bothers me is that if people have found out how to use technology for intergalactic internet dating, why aren't there any cordless vacuum cleaners? Or maybe there are. I don't know. But I've been wanting one for eons and I've never encountered one. But I'd rather have a cordless vacuum cleaner than a Hot Date from The Planet Zoosk.

Speaking of technology, about a year-ish ago, my Dad bought us some toilets with two flushers on them which you use depending on what you felt like doing while using the toilet. The point is to conserve water I think. It's a bit awesome. It'd be even more awesome if the Toilet People took it to the next level and put a dial on the toilet so you can indicate how much you went so that the toilet only uses the bare minimum amount of water that's needed for flushing. It would be like a toaster, only instead of "dark," and "medium," and "bagel," and stuff, there would be something like "a little bit," "a moderate amount," "a lot," and "a ton." I'm sorry I'm getting gross now. And it's time for breakfast. Toodle-pip!

How Smeagol Learned to Like Hobbit Food

The True Account of

How Smeagol Learned To Like Hobbit Food and Became Friends with Sam

by Elizabeth

Inspired by Mr. J.R.R. Tolkien and Dr. Seuss

Sam: I am Sam.

Smeagol: ]:

Sam: Sam I am.

Smeagol: That Sam I am, that Sam I am, I do not like that Sam I am!

Sam: Do you like Lembas with Jam?

Smeagol: I do not like it, Sam I am, I do not like Lembas with Jam.

Sam: Would you like it Here or There?

Smeagol: I would not like it Here or There. I would not like it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you like it in a tent? Would you like it with an Ent?

Smeagol: I would not like it in a tent. I would not like it with an Ent. I would not like it Here or There, I would not like it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you eat it with an Orc? Would you eat it with a spork?

Smeagol: Not with an Orc. Not with a spork. Not in a tent. Not with an Ent. I would not eat it Here or There. I would not eat it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you? Could you? In the Shire? Eat it! Or it will expire.

Smeagol: I would not, could not in the Shire.

Sam: You will like it! you will see. You may like it down at Bree!

Smeagol: Not at Bree. I would not, could not down at Bree, not in the Shire, Sam let me be! I do not like it with an Orc, I do not like it with a spork, I do not like it in a tent, I do not like it with an Ent, I do not like it Here or There, I do not like it anywhere! I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am!

Sam: Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Could you, would you, on Mount Doom?

Smeagol: Not on Mount Doom, not in Bree, not in the Shire, Sam LET ME BE!  I would not, could not with an Orc, I would not, could not with a spork, I will not eat them in a tent, I will not eat them with an Ent, I will not eat them Here or There, I will not eat them anywhere! I will not eat Lembas with Jam, I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Say! In the dark? Here in the dark? Would you, could you, in the dark?

Smeagol: I would not, could not in the dark.

Sam: Would you, could you, with a spoon?

Smeagol: I would not, could not with a spoon, not in the dark, not on Mount Doom. Not in the Shire, not down in Bree, I do not like it, Sam, you see. Not in a tent, not with a spork, not with an Ent, not with an Orc. I will not eat it Here or There. I will not eat it anywhere!

Sam: You do not like Lembas with Jam?

Smeagol: I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Could you eat them on a plate?

Smeagol: I would not, could not on a plate.

Sam: Would you eat at the Black Gate?

Smeagol: I would not eat at the Black Gate. I will not eat it on a plate. I will not eat it with a spoon, I will not eat it on Mount Doom! Not in the dark! Not down at Bree! Not in the Shire, Sam, LET ME BE! I do not like it with a spork, I do not like it with an Orc, I will not eat it in a tent, I will not eat it with an Ent, I do not like it Here or There, I do not like it anywhere! I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: You do not like it, so you say. Try it! Try it and you may! Try it and you may, I say!

Smeagol: Sam, if you will let me be, I will try it. You will see. Say! I like Lembas with Jam! I do! I like it, Sam I am! And I will eat it on a plate and I will eat at the Black Gate, and I will eat it with a spoon, and in the dark, and on Mount Doom, and in the Shire, and down at Bree, it is so good, so good you see! And I will eat it with a spork and I will eat it with an Orc and I will eat it in a tent and I will eat it with an Ent, and I will eat it Here or There, say! I will eat it anywhere! I do so like Lembas with Jam. Thank you! Thank you! Sam I am!

How Peter Pan Created the World of Harry Potter

I was thinking about Peter Pan the other day and I realized something that completely altered my interpretation of Harry Potter. I don't remember why I was thinking about Peter Pan, but I think I'm entitled to think about Peter Pan if I want to without giving a reason, because this is America and I can think about Peter Pan if I jolly well want to. Anyway, like I said, I was thinking about Peter Pan. I was thinking about the part about when Peter says that in order to fly, you have to think Happy Thoughts, and I realized that that's the same thing you have to do in order to get rid of Dementors.

So, if

Happy Thoughts = Flying

and

Happy Thoughts = No Dementors

then

Flying = No Dementors

which doesn't actually make sense because Dementors fly, and that's how they get around.

BUT

maybe

Humans Flying = No Dementors

SO

maybe

There's only a limited amount of flying energy in the Universe, and if humans are taking it all up, then Dementors can't have any. So that would mean that humans require a lot more energy to fly because one human, like Harry Potter, can suck all the flying energy out of hundreds of Dementors, which is what he did in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. The reason that people in Harry Potter World don't fly when they think Happy Thoughts to get rid of the Dementors is because they don't have any Pixie Dust. Presumably, Pixies evolved into things like the Cornish Pixies that Professor Lockhart set loose in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. And those Pixies were unfriendly, so it would be a bit difficult to catch one and coax some Pixie Dust out of it.  

Tinker Bell is a bit unfriendly in Peter Pan, cause she tries to kill Wendy a few times, but the difference between her and the Cornish Pixies is that the Cornish Pixies have more Animal Instincts and are less human-like. This was probably caused by somebody discovering a Cure For Pixie Cancer and feeding it to all the Pixies, except for it somehow went wrong and changed the Pixies into more Fearsome Thingummies, like in I am Legend.

So this is what happened in a nutshell:

1. Peter Pan and Tinker Bell live a jolly life in Neverland.
2. After Wendy and everybody leave and that story's over, somebody in Neverland discovers a cure for Pixie Cancer and all of the Pixies in Neverland get shots.
3. The Pixier Cancer Shots go wrong, and the Pixies become dangerous and start taking over Neverland.
4. Peter Pan leaves Neverland to escape the Pixie Coup and comes to Our World, but accidentally brings some Psychotic Pixies with him.
5. The Psychotic Pixies migrate to Cornland where they become the Cornish Pixies from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
6. Peter Pan has lived in Neverland for so long that Magic is in his Genetic Makeup.
7. Since Peter Pan lives in Our World now, he grows up, gets married, and has children.
8. Peter Pan's children inherit Magic Powers.
9. Peter Pan's children are The First of The Wizards.
10. Eventually, the Magicalness of Peter Pan's children spreads across England and the Whole World, until four Wizards decide to found a School for Witchcraft and Wizardry so that Magic Children can expand their Magical Abilities.
11. Since being happy helps with the ability to fly, it also helps with the ability to become Magical. So, when a Grumpy Child is born into a Wizard family, he isn't very Magical and becomes a Squib. His Happy Magic Energy goes to a different child, sometimes one in a Muggle family, thus creating a Muggle-born. There are Grumpy People who are Magical, like Snape, but Snape got his Magical Energy from his love for Lily Potter. You could say that Voldemort is grumpy, but he sort of enjoys what he does, and he has a goal and a purpose, so that feeds his Wizard Energy. Filch doesn't have much to live for except his cat and his janitor job, which is why he doesn't have much Wizard Energy.