St. Stephen, the poets tell us, was the first of the great martyrs, the people who underwent all forms of violence and physical trauma in defense of the Truth. This was all very well and noble of them; however, according to History, once the people voted for executions to be made public in lieu of reality programs, the number of martyrs decreased by 47.3% almost overnight. A person can withstand physical torment if he must simply because there is nothing else to be done, but if he is made to do it in front of a gathering crowd, his ears turn red, his knees shake, and he stutters horribly over his Last Requests. There is nothing more embarrassing than public humiliation. Private humiliation, on the other hand, is bearable, especially if one is not constantly being watched by the Eye of Sauron which tends to sprout in the more scrupulous of minds like an obsessive Jiminy Cricket who hovers over the bed with a chainsaw and whispers, “Be good.”
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