King Thranduil's Actual Age Calculation

Remember in Desolation of Smaug when Thranduil said, "100 years is a mere blink in the life of an Elf."?

I read on this website (http://askmiddlearth.tumblr.com/post/49417224906/thranduils-age) that Thranduil is at least 5,480 years old. From his statement above, we can calculate that his life so far is 5480/100 = 54.8 blinks long. In other words, he is as old as the time it takes to blink about 55 times.

Judging by the stopwatch and assuming I blink about the average speed, I calculate Thranduil's actual age to be about 35 seconds old. Which is not right, but I was bored.

Why We Laugh

Today, I was laughing at something, and then I realized that the only reason I was laughing at it was that I related to it. Then it occurred to me that a lot of times people laugh at things just because they can relate to them. Which is weird, because it only happens with certain things that we relate to. I don't see someone wearing pants and say, "Hey, you're wearing pants! I'm wearing pants too! HAHAHAHAHA!" But if someone in class said something like, "YOU LEFT A SMIDGEN OF MARKER ON THE BOARD. ERASE IT OR WE WILL ALL DIE," I would laugh because I think that every single time it happens.

I was thinking of saying something very intelligent regarding the reasons why we laugh here, but I can't think of anything. I'm a doctor, not a Happy Laughing Person Psychologist. And I need to finish my homework. Good night!

Remaking Winnie the Pooh

Hello!

I decided, when I'm important and famous, I'm going to re-make Winnie the Pooh in claymation with the following cast:

Rupert Grint will play Pooh.

Billy Boyd will play Piglet.

Ian McKellan will play Eeyore.

Ken Stott will play Owl.

Colin Firth will play Rabbit.

Helena Bonham-Carter will play Kanga.

Will Poulter will play Tigger.

Jude Law will play A.A. Milne telling the story to Christopher Robin.

Unfortunately, I'm not acquainted with any Young British Child Actors, but I will find some to play Roo and Christopher Robin.

Howard Shore will compose the soundtrack.

Poem #31: Alliteration

Alliteration, as an art

all authors ought attempt;

it brings all bounce and beauty back

when brains and backs are bent. 

Caucasians call it clumsy, crying,

"Come, call off this craft!"

But dowagers downtrodden don't

dismay or deem it daft. 

Effectively, it elevates the

ends of elegies

for funerals: the frost, forgotten, 

flushes face and flees. 

Like goodly ghosts it glides through 

gruesome goads, it's glee to gird,

it haunts horrific histories

with healing happy words. 

Important intellectuals 

insist it's ineffective. 

They jest, "These jokers' jaunty jargon

jams the art's objective." 

Some killers kill because the

consonance, they cannot bear. 

They loathe alliteration, but we'll

loose it, if we dare.

Moreover, most men mean well,
but to murderers may morph;
  this needless knack of novelists
annoys them, South to North.

Official orators object
to our obnoxious art.
But playful poets please
the pooped-out public for their part.

Some say, "You give us quite a qualm,
now quit these quaintish quotes!"
But rebel writers write repeatedly
despite reproach.

Their sonnets, songs, and stories with
sweet assonance still sing
of truth, tall tales and twilight,
thanking God for tiny things.

Usurpers understand tales are
uncalled-for in our lives,
but little vital victories they are
for which we strive.

What weirdly words with X in front
will rhyme with words I know?
Xanthosis, X-ray, xenial,
X-men or xenophobe?

Just yesterday, I yearned for
younger days and yellow suns,
I zest in zany prose
and poetry, which brings back funs.

Movie-Narrating

I have a challenge for movie-directors: try making a movie set in a school that is not narrated by the main character.

Of course now that I've said that, I can think of a couple movies that aren't, like She's the Man and I think 17 Again isn't narrated either, but I didn't see that whole movie. Also Freaky Friday. And Harry Potter. Dang it, I can't get anything right. I was thinking of Flipped, Mean Girls, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. And Spider-man. And I was thinking, they're all narrated by the main character, is that a high-school movie thing?

I find too much movie-narrating a bit annoying. Of course too much of anything is annoying, you need to have the right amount of anything for it not to be annoying. The thing is, I like to try to infer what the characters are thinking by their faces and actions and general what-not. I watched Flipped a couple of weeks ago, and I was thinking, "yes, we know you're sad about the tree. I sort of gathered that when you started crying and wouldn't come down from the tree."

I wish I had a lot of money. Then I could hire actors to add narrations to movies they were in, but only in movies where narrations don't work at all and it would be just wrong. Like, for instance, I could hire Christian Bale to narrate The Dark Knight in his guttural Bat-voice and say things like, "I couldn't decide whether to save Rachel or Harvey. I knew Harvey was important to the Gotham, but Rachel was important to me." Or Pirates of the Caribbean. I could hire Johnny Depp to say things like, "I looked at Will, and I saw the disappointment in his eyes. I wanted to tell him that I was on his side, but that would have to wait," and stuff like that in his drunk-voice.

I want to watch that movie again. I haven't seen that in a long time.

Good night!

Disney Haikus

I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. But I found a bunch of Disney movies on Pinterest in Haiku form, and now I feel like writing a lot of Haikus, so here's

Disney Haikus by me.

Cinderella

The girl lost her shoe.
The prince picked up the glass shoe.
He followed the smell.

Snow White

Seven Dwarfs live here.
Why is it "Dwarfs" and not "Dwarves?"
It doesn't make sense.

Sleeping Beauty

A girl took a nap,
but then the Prince woke her up.
The creep kissed her face.

The Jungle Book

Mowgli lives down here,
but left his friends for a girl.
Now he can have pants.

Tarzan

Tarzan's an ape man.
Why does he have no mustache?
He has no razors.

The Fox and the Hound

Friends play together.
The old lady dumps the fox.
It is very sad.

Alice in Wonderland

This place is so weird.
It's like The Phantom Tollbooth 
except with a girl.

Peter Pan

Mr. Smee's dumb shirt
is too bloody small for him.
It's driving me nuts.

Tangled

One does not simply
walk away from the tower.
But Rapunzel does.

Frozen

Elsa tries her best
to be a good, nice person
but viewers hate her.

A Little Mermaid

She shouldn't marry.
She's only bloody sixteen.
Please put on a shirt.

Aladdin 

Oppa Gangnam called,
he says he wants his pants back.
I like your monkey.

Pixar Characters With Bastille Songs

I had a long car drive today, so I put on my Bastille album and tried to match each song up with a Pixar character. For your convenience, I have once again organized my list into a Useful Chart.

Song	Characters	Film	Line From Song
Pompeii	Woody and Buzz	Toy Story 3	♪…great clouds rolled over the hills, bringing darkness from above, but if you close your eyes, does it almost seem like nothing’s changed at all? ♪
Bad Blood	Mike and Sulley and Randall	Monsters University + Monsters Inc.	♪These are the days that bind us together, forever […] oh this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry? ♪
These Streets	Lightning McQueen	Cars	♪These streets are yours, you can keep them, in my mind it’s like you haunt them, and passing through, I think I see you in the shapes of other women ♪
The Silence	Marlin and Dory	Finding Nemo	♪it is not enough to be dumbstruck, can you fill the silence? You must have the words in that head of yours ♪
Get Home	Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl	The Incredibles	♪We are the last people standing at the end of the night, we are the greatest pretenders in the cold morning light ♪
Laughter Lines	Carl and Ellie	Up	♪I’ll see you in the future when we’re older, and we are full of stories to be told. Cross my heart and hope to die, I’ll see you with your laughter lines ♪
Laura Palmer	Remy	Ratatouille	♪Walking out into the dark, cutting out a different path, led by your beating heart ♪