Anxiety Bilbo Episode 2: How To Accept a Friend Request

Last episode, Bilbo showed us how to avoid uncomfortable relatives on facebook. But what about making new friends on facebook?

Friend Request from Gandalf the Grey

Bilbo: Hey, look it's Gandalf! *click* 

You are now friends with Gandalf the Grey.

Write on Gandalf's wall?

Bilbo: Hrm, yes I probably should say something to Gandalf. Ok, "Hi, Gandalf." No, that needs an exclamation mark. "Hi Gandalf!" No, one exclamation mark means "I'm pretending to be excited to talk to you," this needs two exclamation marks. "Hi Gandalf!!" no that's a little on the creepy-stalker side of 'excited to talk to you.' Maybe I'll say something very friendly but with just one exclamation mark. Ok. 

Bilbo >> Gandalf "Good morning!" 

Gandalf the Grey commented on your post. 

"What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not? Or, perhaps are you saying that you feel good on this particular morning? Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?

Bilbo: Oh, crap. What does that mean? Is he annoyed? He didn't put any smiley winky faces. I think he's annoyed. But then Gandalf never puts smiley winky faces on anything. I think he's joking. Is he joking? I'm not sure. Should I apologize for whatever I might've done, or should I pretend I think he's joking and go along with it? Or I could just say LOL. Or I could post a GIF of Mr. Bennett saying "I have not the pleasure of understanding you." Yeah, I'll find one of those. 

...

Bilbo: All right, so apparently Google doesn't have any GIF's for not knowing what Gandalf is talking about. GAH and he know's I'm on facebook because I just accepted his friend request, so he'll be waiting for me to respond. AAAAAUGH I'll just say "All of them at once." No, now it looks like I'm annoyed. I'll say "All of them at once!" With a smiley face? No, I've got an exclamation mark, I don't need a smiley face. I don't want him to think I'm a sentimental mush princess. And I'd better like his comment too. Actually, no, I don't need to do that. Ok, here goes: 

"All of them at once!" 

Gandalf the Grey likes your comment "All of them at once!" 

 Bilbo: Oh, drat, now I have to like his comment. But I didn't like it before I commented, so he'll know that I'm just liking his comment because he liked my comment. But that's ok. I think. I think it's ok. Is that ok? If he just liked my comment and didn't comment back, that probably means we don't have to continue the discussion, which probably means I don't have to do anything about it. Ok, I'll do nothing about it. I wish this "like comment" button never got added to facebook. What facebook really needs to do is take off when everything was posted so nobody can tell whether I'm actually on or not. I think I'll write Gandalf a letter. We should get a couple of carrier pigeons and just send each other notes, or we could get owls like they've got in Harry Potter. Or I could just go live with Gollum in his cave and never try to be social again.