According to the Internet

If there was a man who was raised by wolves or gorillas or mosquitos on a desert island, and the only access he had to civilization was through the internet, I have a theory that he would draw the following conclusions:

According to The Internet,  

People 

1. Love

• cats
• coffee
• alcohol
• eating
• introverts

2. Hate

• Mondays
• People
• wearing pants and a bra

3. Do 

• nothing
• everything

4. Can't 

• even 

5. Can 

• n/a 

Animals 

1. rule

2. are better than people 

3. do not suck in any way whatsoever 

4. not even when they poop

5. or drool 

6. so awesome I can't even

7. like literally I can't even

Government 

1. sucks

2. especially Republicans

3. and Democrats

4. does everything wrong 

5. even though it's made up of humans

Memes

1. will convert an entire audience with one picture and a few words in Impact font

2. except for when they don't