Sunday, August 30, 2015

This is going to be a post in which I whine about other people whining, so you have been warned.

I've been coming across articles lately titled something like "___ is Dead." I never read them, because I don't feel like it. But I've noticed a general vibe of "Good Thing X is Dead," "Happy Thought Y is Dead," "Chivalry is Dead," "Art is Dead," "Your Grandmother's Homemade Biscuits are Dead," and I'm TIRED of it.

So, in response, I have just one thing to say.

Once, for three days, God was dead. Then he came back and was like


YO 





Wednesday, August 26, 2015

A Bit Of Writing I've Been Working On Part 2 [Edition 2]

Here's one of the few bits I'm pleased with:

The expression “follow that car” is one that has been used time and again in films and, to a somewhat lesser extent, in books and, to an even lesser extent, in real life during situations in which the players discover a vehicle that is in some way alluring. The practice is simpler in theory than in reality, especially when “that car” is a few miles ahead of the followers and several layers of space and traffic lie between them. In this case, it was also made difficult by the fact that neither driver nor passenger knew exactly where “that car” was going. There was therefore about ten extra minutes of trying to make illegal U-turns, discovering that said U-turns were illegal and changing directions mid-U-turn, along with the accompanied backseat driving and requests that there be no backseat driving.  However, they managed to drive in and out of two or three restaurant parking lots without murdering any ducklings, nuns, or mothers with perambulators before Gillian pointed in the direction of an El Torito restaurant and shrieked, “Lookit!” 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

A Word Of Encouragement To My Fellow Heretics

Hey, people!

I have a thought in my brain, and it has been on repeat for about a year, so I'm going to expunge it and make you read it because I feel like it.

If you enjoy a book series, and somewhere in the world somebody decides to make a movie series of said book series, and if said movie series isn't exactly like said book series, but you muchly enjoy said movie series anyway, and if your purist friends give you hell for loving said movie series, remember this:

A book doesn't just consist of what happens to whom where how and why. It consists partly of a gut feeling of belonging that's brought to you by the writing style, the mood, the themes, the character of the setting and of the characters themselves. It's a home away from home and a Heaven away from Earth. If the movies give you the same gut feeling as the books, no matter how much they deviate from the books, then so be it and God bless you. Don't let the purists make you feel like a traitor.

Also God bless the purists because they rock too and they keep us grounded. Have a banana, purists.

Here's to loose constructionism!

That's all I got to say about that, Beth out.

According to the Internet

If there was a man who was raised by wolves or gorillas or mosquitos on a desert island, and the only access he had to civilization was through the internet, I have a theory that he would draw the following conclusions:

According to The Internet,  

People 

1. Love

  • cats
  • coffee
  • alcohol
  • eating
  • introverts

2. Hate

  • Mondays
  • People
  • wearing pants and a bra
3. Do 
  • nothing
  • everything
4. Can't 
  • even 
5. Can 
  • n/a 
Animals 
1. rule
2. are better than people 
3. do not suck in any way whatsoever 
4. not even when they poop
5. or drool 
6. so awesome I can't even
7. like literally I can't even

Government 
1. sucks
2. especially Republicans
3. and Democrats
4. does everything wrong 
5. even though it's made up of humans

Memes
1. will convert an entire audience with one picture and a few words in Impact font
2. except for when they don't




Poldark: A Short Review

Me watching Poldark:













Saturday, August 15, 2015

A Bit Of Writing I've Been Working On

It is a strange thing, but the more assurance a person gets that Fact A is true, the more it seems his mind makes him believe that Opposing Fact B is true in place of Fact A. Before Elwin was born, his mother once asked his father if her blouse made her look like an orangutan’s second chin and he answered in the affirmative, knowing that in her mind she would become defensive and rally round all arguments to the contrary, thereby supposedly raisisng her own self-confidence. Had he told her that her blouse did not make her look like an orangutan’s second chin, her conscious mind would have appreciated it, but in her subconscious there would rise a little voice that said, “I bet he says that to all the girls.”

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Poem #54: The Time-Warp

Her best beloved went away, 
to where, she did not know
he stole her heart and took it far, 
and she in sorrow said, “you are
a wicked Romeo.” 

she then devised a cunning scheme
to pay him back in kind
she sought for hire an older maid
and then in secrecy she bade 
her bear this thought in mind:

“Pretend,” said she, “that you are me
some forty years ahead,
and when returns my beamish beau, 
you tell him ‘Sir, you ought to know,
those olden days are dead.’ 

‘Whilst you were scheming on your own, 
a time-warp did ensue,
and this poor lady you behold,
though you are young and I am old,
is still your lady true.’ 

‘I’ve waited forty years for my
beloved to return,
but if you do not care for me,
then at long last you may be free,
regardless that I yearn.’” 

And thus the older lady spoke
to one besotted ear 
now with a sorrow in his heart
that he had ever thought to part
himself from one so dear. 

He said, “My lady, I will find 
a way to change the past. 
I’ll stop myself from leaving you
so you may see my heart is true 
and marry me at last.”

The ancient one perceived at once
a spirit still devout
but she omitted to admit
that it was proved, and she could quit 
parading thus about. 


Until one night her conscience grew 
a conscience of its own
it bade her tell the truth to she
who took her as an employee:
the lady, now alone. 

“My dear,” she said, “your suitor loves you still, 
and so do I,
since on that happy summer morn
when I was young and you were born
amidst our lullaby.” 

The happy couple, man and wife, 
and now the mother too,
who thought lost long ago, in truth,
is now a living, breathing proof,
that love may start anew. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Ed Sheeran and Redemption

We interrupt this program for a Special Shout Out to Ed Sheeran, singer/songwriter of many popular songs including, but not limited to, "A-Team." 

If you haven't heard the song "A-Team," you may click on this link  whereupon you will encounter a video of said song and the relevant lyrics. 

This is a lovely song, and it's also about a prostitute who's addicted to drugs, but it's written in a way that encourages sympathy for her and paints her as just another person with her own dragons and demons to fight. It takes a person who has made some bad choices and/or who has been very unlucky, and it draws out something good, which I feel is very redeeming. Not that it's all right to be a junky prostitute as long as someone writes a nice song about you, just that it's possible to see goodness and beauty in someone who maybe doesn't live a G or PG-rated life. 

So here's a shout-out to Ed Sheeran for being a gentleman. Have a banana, Ed. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

For Rosie and Belladonna

Ok, so in my career as a Middle-Earthling or a Mordork or a Ringer or whatever is the official name for Tolkien's fangirls, I have seen several tributes to the women of Middle-Earth, like this one


and this one 



and this one 



but I have never seen one that includes Rose Cotton and Belladonna Took.


Rose Cotton 

Belladonna Took 

Belladonna Took was the one who gave Bilbo the "Tookishness" to venture outside his hole, and without her the Ring would never be found or, therefore, destroyed. 

Rose Cotton was Sam Gamgee's sweetheart. He thought of her at the Butt-Crack of Doom and she gave him strength. 

Well done, ladies. Have a banana. 

Now I feel better. I can go to sleep now. 



Monday, August 3, 2015

A Catholic's Response to "Take Me To Church"

The song "Take Me to Church" by the artist Hozier (rhyming with nosier) has hitherto been one of my favorite songs by said artist until I recently found out that it was written as a middle-finger at the Catholic Church for teaching that gay unions aren't the same thing as a marriage between a man and a woman. When I heard the song the first few times, I thought that "church" was meant as a metaphor for his lady-friend that he "worships," until I found out that it was not, in fact, meant as a metaphor for his lady-friend that he "worships," but a middle-finger at the Catholic Church for teaching that gay unions aren't the same thing as a marriage between a man and a woman.

My first instinct was to think, "Ok, now as a practicing Catholic, I can't listen to this song with a clear conscience unless I pretend it's still about what I originally thought," so I did that for a while and it was exhausting because I'd be listening to the song thinking, "it's a metaphor it's a metaphor it's a metaphor" and then a part of my brain would say, "no it's not! HAHAHAHAHA!" as anyone's would, which landed me in the soup and made the music very much less enjoyable.

But I have concocted a way to listen to "Take Me to Church" with a clear conscience as a practicing Catholic, which I am very happy about because while I disagree with Hozier's middle-fingeredness at the Church, I do enjoy his voice and the tune and the overall bluesy mood of his music.

Last fall, I listened to the audiobook of C.S. Lewis's The Silver Chair, and have decided that if it's not my favorite Narnia book, then it's definitely in my top three (the other two being The Last Battle and The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe) partly because of the following speech by Puddleglum:

"We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play-world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnia as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."

This is what I try to think in response to the line, "Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies." Which is kind of insulting, now that I know what he's talking about. But I don't have to dismiss him and all of his music completely because he's not an evil terrorist who's going to burn in hell because he supports gay unions, he's just Fern from Charlotte's Web getting upset at her parents when she thinks a terrible injustice is being served. And before anyone accuses me of comparing gay people to pigs, let me assure you that I am not trying to compare them to pigs, I'm trying to compare Hozier to Fern.

And just as an interesting note, now when I listen to "Take Me to Church" and think of Puddleglum, I feel more grounded in my faith than ever because sometimes I like the things I love to be attacked so that I can defend them.

Unless you insult Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings, 'cause then I'll just get pissed.

Good night!