True Story #2

This one is also about underwear. I didn't mean for that to happen, it just did, and it's not my fault.

Once upon a time, my mom's aunt, I think it was, was on an airplane. I don't know why she was on an airplane or where she was going or where she was coming from, but the point I wish to make is that this story takes place on an airplane. Unless it was a train. But I think it was an airplane. But it might have been a train. I'll pretend it was an airplane. It was airplane.

Once upon a time, my mom's aunt was on an airplane. She was at the gate with all the other passengers. One of the passengers was an Very Fat Woman. All the passengers got aboard the plane. The plane was on the ground. Then the plane was in the air. Then the plane was on the ground.

After the plane was back on the ground, the passengers began to disemboard the plane. Apparently that isn't a word because it has a red squiggle underneath it, but you know what I mean. The passengers began to disemboard the plane. One of the passengers, as I said before, was a Very Fat Woman. The Very Fat Woman was wearing a dress. You men don't know this, but when you're wearing a dress without any little shorts underneath, it's a bit like wearing a tent over your underwear and there's nothing really holding your underwear up except for friction.

Bear this in mind as I tell you what my mom's aunt saw happen to the Very Fat Woman in a dress. While she was walking to the door of the airplane in order to disemboard the airplane, friction failed her and her underwear slipped down her legs and fell around her feet. Not to notice. She stepped out of them and kept walking.

The next part of the story I don't remember if it's true, or if my mom was saying it would be funny if it happened. I'm going to pretend it did happened. The man sitting behind the Very Fat Woman saw her step out of her underwear, and being the Good Samaritan that he was, picked them up. He approached the Very Fat Woman from behind, tapped her on the shoulder and held the underwear up so that she could see it. He said: "Are these yours?"

Actually, I don't think that last part happened.

THE END

A True Story

Would anyone like to hear a story?

This is a True Story from when I was about five. I don't remember it at all, but my big sister says it happened, so I suppose it must've happened because she doesn't usually tell fibs.

A True Story

Once upon a time, I was five years old, and my big sister Mary was seven. We lived in a big house in Indiana. One day, our friends came over to play. There was a boy whose name I think was quite possibly Adam, and his little sister whose name I forget, so I'll call her Eve. Adam would usually play with Mary because he was older, and I would usually play with Eve.

On this particular day, Mary and Adam were playing grown-up games in the other room, while Eve and I were doing something else in my baby brother's room. Not that Mary thought she was more grown-up than me; I just always thought of her as a grown-up. Anyway, Mary and Adam decided to join me and Eve in my baby brother's room. We were looking for something. Mary, unless it was Adam, said: "What are you looking for?"
Then, Eve said: "I'm looking for my underwear."
Adam, unless it was Mary, said: "You lost your underwear?????"
Apparently, Eve couldn't remember how she had lost her underwear. Mary and Adam, being the wise grown-up seven year-olds to whom we looked up began helping us look for them.

 Unfortunately, Mr. Adam and Eve's Dad called from Downstairs that it was time to go home. So, we all went down. Eve complained that she didn't want to go home. This was very understandable to me, because it's very embarrassing to accidentally leave your underwear at a friend's house. To cheer her up, Mr. Adam and Eve's Dad lifted her up by her legs and held her upside down. But, unfortunately, Eve happened to be wearing a dress that day. So, her dress came down and she was very upset.

Five years later, we moved to California. We took every single item out of the house and put it into a truck and moved it to a different house, and the underwear never showed its face.

The End

Shopping for People

 I was in the school store today at my school (not meaning that the school belongs to me, just that I go there to learn stuff) and there was a big sign that had a picture of a kid on it and over the picture were the words "Bronco Kids in Store Today." Bronco's our mascot, by the way. So, fair warning, hide your children, because my people will come looking for them to sell in the student store at my school.

It's like a sign I saw outside of Old Navy once that said "Man Sale." I went in and the sale was a "buy one, get one free" sale. Although I don't know why you'd want two men. I suppose you could use one if you didn't like the first one, or you could give one to a friend. I didn't get any because none of them were British or Irish, but then they have to special order those from Europe, so they're more expensive.

Sleepy Time

Ok, nobody read my blog anymore because right now I have 3030 views and that's a very swag number.

I'm really stupid right now because it's almost 1 in the morning. Also, I wish I was brilliant at something. I'm pretty good at a lot of things, but I'm not brilliant at anything so I don't know what to do for a career and it's making me sad because it's almost 1 in the morning and I never had that tea I was going to have.

But on the plus side, my dad bought milk, so I can have some with my coffee tomorrow morning. Hooray! Plus I'm planning on making pancakes and school is starting soon so I can do something other than moan about not having anything to do and looking at adorable British men on pinterest.

My computer battery's dying now, so I need to go to bed and plug it in and brush my teeth and get in bed and turn on my Narnia audiobook so I can go to sleep. But I can't move, because my leg's asleep and I don't want to.

But it's time for bed as soon as I post another quote on my quote page.

Good night!

An Agatha Christie Poem

I just finished reading Agatha Christie's Five Little Pigs. 

And I'm bored. So here's a poem about it. Fair warning, it's rotten. 

SPOILER ALERT

Five Little Pigs by Agatha Christie

Poemed for you by Elizabeth

There was a girl of 21

who learned, perhaps too late in life, 

her father, painting in the sun, 

was killed by his beloved wife. 

The wife-her name was Caroline-

was sent to prison that same year

to pay for her supposed crime

of poisoning her husband's beer. 

But whilst in jail, she quickly wrote

her innocence upon a page

and sent her daughter that same note

to be opened when she came of age. 

The daughter-Carla she was called-

determined that it was the truth

and though so many were appalled, 

she asked that Poirot find the proof. 

So Poirot went about his way, 

pondering the mystery

and while he pondered, he would say, 

"It's all about psychology." 

He thought, then, he would go and ask

each witness of the dreadful crime

and put each one of them to the task

of writing what happened at the time. 

The first one's name was Phillip Blake

the friend of Amyas-the dead. 

He had no pity for the sake

of Caroline, but hate instead. 

The next was Meredith, a man

who dabbled in the art of herbs

With deadly brews in jars and cans

but he was gentle as a bird. 

The third was Elsa, cool and calm

who had been modeling that day 

for Amyas, who painted long

before he died beneath her gaze. 

The fourth one was a governess, 

Miss Williams is what she was called. 

She doubted Caroline's innocence 

But did not blame her, not at all. 

Then Angela was the last one, 

the half-sister of Caroline

who-when they both were very young-

had hurt and scarred her for all time. 

Then all but for the last witness 

said "Oh, she did it. That I know."

But Angela, she did protest

because she loved her sister so. 

Then Poirot learned what Elsa did

 that had angered Caroline

she flirted much with Amyas 

and said "This man will soon be mine." 

So Caroline, all but one said,

she spiked her husbands daily beer. 

She knew that he would soon be dead

while he was painting Elsa Greer. 

Miss Williams saw Caroline

when through the hedges she did glimpse

put the bottle in the dead man's hand

to best secure his fingerprints. 

Then Caroline said "suicide!"

As everyone came to the scene

but "murder!" Elsa Greer had cried

And that's exactly what it seemed. 

But Poirot, he thought differently, 

as the evidence went through his brain

he thought of the psychology 

and which one had the most to gain. 

And then he said, "It's Elsa Greer!

She poisoned Amyas that day, 

she put some coniine in his beer

because he told his wife he'd stay!"

Then Elsa was sent off to jail

and everyone lived happily

and Poirot went to Carla Crale

and together, they had buns for tea. 

The End. 

I'm sorry, I have to say this because it's been bothering me. 

Being nice to somebody isn't the same thing as letting him do something that you believe is wrong. And if he does do something you believe is wrong, it doesn't mean you think he's going to hell. 

And I'm really grateful that I have both a mom and a dad. 

Interpret that how you like, I'm not saying anything else and I don't mean to piss anyone off. 

Time for more coffee. Cheerio!

A Murder Mystery

I'm bored.

So,

here's a murder mystery.

Once upon a time, there was a great detective named Detective Inspector Major Brains. DIM Brains was the greatest detective in all of California. He was, in fact, better than everybody else in California. One day, a woman came into the Police Station crying and sobbing something about a Missing Husband named Sir Lord Count du Fuss. The Countess du Fuss said that her husband had gone out to walk the dog two days ago, and neither he nor the dog had shown his face, or any other part of his body for that matter. To comfort her, Brains offered her a chicken sandwich, which she didn't like, so she threw it into the recycle bin. Remember this, O Best Beloved, because it is important.

After the Countess du Fuss had calmed down, Brains offered to search her home for clues as to where the Count du Fuss might be. When they arrived to the Count du Fuss's estate, Brains questioned the butler, the maid, the housekeeper, the cook, and the gardener as to his whereabouts. Each denied that he had seen the Count since he went out to walk the dog. Brains then searched the house, and found nothing except for everything that was inside the house. Then he proceeded to search the grounds. When he reached the curb where the trash bins were waiting to be emptied, he smelled a terrible smell, a smell that could only be produced by the remains of the rotting dead body of the Count du Fuss and his dog.

Brains opened the trash bin, but the Count was not inside. He then opened the recycle bin, and there was the Count, hacked into pieces with his own chainsaw. Brains knew at once who it must be, and he pointed an accusatory finger at the Countess du Fuss. The Countess was arrested and spent the rest of her life in prison. The police asked Brains how he knew it was the Countess. But all Brains would say was, "A chicken sandwich is not recyclable. And neither is a dead body."

The End

How To Murder People

My family and I have been watching a lot of detective shows lately, and we decided it would be a good idea to have a plan for a perfect crime, just in case we need to murder somebody. I talked about it with my brother Thomas.

Me: If you murdered somebody, how would you do it?

Thomas............I'd stab a guy in a hot tub with an icicle.

Me: Oh! Yeah, so then there's no murder weapon and no fingerprints! Brilliant!

Thomas: Thank you.

Me: Except if it's the right weather to be outside in a hot tub, it's probably not the right weather for icicles.

Thomas: Yeah....but you could keep one in the freezer, and then just keep it hidden while you're on your way to the hot tub.

So that's an idea. Here's another one.

Pretend that I'm at a dinner party with Bob, Ted, and Phil. I want to kill Ted, because he's a moron. We're having Dole salad for an appetizer. I sprinkle some sort of biological toxins on all of our servings, but I put enough on Ted's to kill him. The rest of us will get sick, but we won't die. Ted dies, and the rest of us get sick and it turns out that we all of us ate the same thing (Dole salad). So therefore, it must be food poisoning. Since Ted was my very best favorite pal in the whole wide world, I'm distraught by his death and I sue Dole for accidentally killing him and win loads of money. Then I destroy the biological toxin and hide the remains so that nobody can find it. Everybody's happy and there's jam for tea.

Idea #2:

There's a hill near our house that overlooks the neighborhood. Let's say I want to kill my hypothetical neighbor Frank. In this scenario, I'm an Evil Scientist, so I've created lava that can be controlled via remote control. So, I go up to the hill, dig a ginormous hole, and fill the hole with the remote control lava. Then, I put video cameras all over the neighborhood, go to a nearby hotel with the remote control, and rig up the TV so that I can see the whole neighborhood. When Frank is in the optimum position, I push the detonator button on the remote control which activates the volcano, and the lava runs down the hill. With the video cameras, I can see wherever Frank is running, so I can use the remote control to make the lava follow him, catch up to him, and kill him. Later on, geologists come and say "Well, whatdyou know, that hill's been a volcano this whole time and we never knew it. Oh well. Poor Frank."

If I'm an Evil Scientist, I could probably do the same thing with a twister. I could even make a sharknado. Whatever I do, I'd have to destroy all my plans and equipment so that nobody suspects me, but I'm rich, so I can just move to Australia and buy more.

I just decided, I'm going to be a murder mystery writer and write a book about a man trying to kill his Siamese twin brother. That would be awkward. If they're joined at the chest, he'd have to kill himself, but that's all right because it eliminates him as a suspect. But if they're joined at the hip or something, he could just kill his brother, steal his brother's money and then blame it on a burglar, after wiping all his fingerprints off of everything.

I AM ROZ, THE GREAT AND POWERFUL

BRING ME THE PAPERWORK OF THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST

Awesome Bat-Quote

I just wrote a big ole Complaining Blog Post, but it was very complaining, so I'm not going to post it and now I'm very proud of myself. I also feel guilty for being in a complaining mood, so let me make it up to you for almost posting complaining stuff.

Here's one of my favorite Batman quotes:

Robin: You can't get away from Batman that easy!
Batman: Easily.
Robin: Easily
Batman: Good grammar is essential, Robin.
Robin: Thank you.
Batman: You're welcome.

cheers

Quilt

I was chatting with my brothers last night, and Anthony brought up the subject of Batman Villains. He has a whole book about nothing but Lego Batman Stuff. Apparently, there's a Batman Villain named Quilt who can turn people into rugs, which Thomas, Isaac and I found very funny, and it lead to a lot of Very Bad Puns like:

It's Quilt! Take COVER! HA HA HA HA HA

and

I bet Quilt gets a STITCH when he runs! HA HA HA HA HA HA

and

SEW, Quilt! We meet again! HA HA HA HA HA

and

Because of Quilt, the fate of the world hangs by a THREAD! HA HA HA HA HA

and

Quilt SEAMS very dangerous! HA HA HA HA HA

and

Batman just PINNED Quilt! HA HA HA HA HA

I'm sorry, but when Whoever's In Charge Of Batman decided to name a villain "Quilt," he was practically begging for a lot of stupid puns.

The Battle of Wits

Has anyone not seen The Princess Bride? If you haven't, then there's a bit when a Strange Man in Black is trying to rescue a princess from a Bad Guy. So, the Man in Black confronts the Bad Guy, whose name is Vizzini, and they have a Battle of Wits in which the Man in Black puts some poison called Iocane into one goblet of wine, and Vizzini has to guess which goblet is poisoned, and then they both drink "and find out who is right, and who is dead."

Here's the conversation they have.

Only in Haiku because I'm bored.

Man in Black:

I put the poison
In one of these two goblets
Now you guess which one.

Vizzini:

But it's so simple.
I just have to think of you
and what you would do.

If you were clever,
you would poison your own cup
'cause I'd take that one.

But I could be dumb,
And you don't know that I'm smart,
so mine could be spiked.

Man in Black:

Have you decided?
One is poisoned, one is not.
Choose wisely, my friend.

Vizzini:

I cannot decide
because Iocane is from
Australia, right?

And Australia
has lots of bad criminals
who are not trusted.

And I don't trust you,
and you know that so I think
that your cup is spiked.

Man in Black:

You are confusing.
You're overthinking this thing.
You're annoying me.

Vizzini:

You interrupt me!
Now I don't know where I was.
Do you remember?

Man in Black:

Oh, yes. I do, chum.
You were talking of that place
called Australia.

Vizzini:

Oh, yes. Thank you, sir.
That is where I was, indeed.
I will continue.

This is Iocane,
and I knew where it came from,
and you knew I knew.

Therefore, I believe
that it's my cup that's poisoned
and not yours at all.

Man in Black:

You talk way too much.
And you're really annoying.
You're just stalling now.

Vizzini:

You'd like to think that,
But it just isn't true, bub.
I'm thinking this out.

You beat my giant,
which means you are really strong
so it might be yours.

You beat Inigo
with a sword, which means you're smart
and you know you'll die.

Since you know you'll die,
You don't want to drink poison,
so it might be mine.

Man in Black:

You cannot trick me,
I won't give away a thing.
It will not work.

Vizzini:

I think it has worked!
You HAVE given things away!
I know which to choose!

Man in Black:

Then make your choice, bub,
This is getting stupider
I want my princess.

Vizzini:

Oh, wait a second!
What in the world is that?
That is a weird THING!

Man in Black:

What? Where? Who? Why?
I see nothing, you moron.
There is nothing there.

Vizzini:

Oh, there was something.
I thought there was. No matter.
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Man in Black:

What is so funny?
I see nothing humorous.
Tell me what's funny.

Vizzini:

I will tell you soon.
First I'll drink from my glass and
you will drink from yours

Man in Black:

You guessed wrong, moron.
Now you are going to die.
Hee hee hee hee hee.

Vizzini:

That is what you think!
I switched the glasses you fool!
While your back was turned!

You should not have played
with a man from Sicily
in a game of wits!

HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA

[dies]

THE END

An In-Depth Look at the Life of Steve from Blue's Clues

Anyone who's watched Blue's Clues knows that Steve is brilliant. But no-one really knows where he came from or who he really is. 

Until now. 

Steve's story starts with the Greek gods. The Greek gods, as you may already know, live on Mount Olympus in the clouds. 

In the opening scene of Mary Poppins, we see Mary Poppins putting on her makeup while sitting on a cloud. That cloud was, in fact, a part of Mount Olympus, which means that Mary Poppins is actually a goddess who takes human form in order to go down to Earth and nanny children. 

One of Mary Poppins's powers, as a goddess, is that she can jump into pictures. This is a gift which Steve also has, which means that he is somehow related to Mary Poppins. Our best guess is that Steve is Mary Poppins's son. However, he isn't fully a god, because he doesn't live on Mount Olympus like Mary Poppins, which means that Mary Poppins gave birth to him after she married a human (probably Bert). 

If you watch Blues Clues, then you know that Steve lives in a small house inhabited by inanimate objects which can move and speak, such as Mr. Salt, Mrs. Pepper, the Felt Friends, etc. These inanimate animate objects are a bit like Lumiere and Cogsworth and everyone from Beauty and the Beast. 

So here's what happened: The house Steve lives in was once inhabited by a beautiful but selfish and proud princess with many servants. Steve came along one day looking for shelter and to test the princesses character. He disguised himself as an old, ugly man, and knocked on the door. The princess opened the door and turned Steve away, because he was old and ugly. But then, Steve turned into a handsome man, donned in his magnificent green-striped vestments. As a demigod, Steve has certain powers, so he was able to turn the princess into an old hag and her servants into talking objects. He then gave her a rose and told her that unless she found love by the time the rose had completely wilted, she would remain a hag forever. 

The princess-hag failed. This meant that all her servants would remain inanimate animate objects forever. The princess-hag eventually died, but the servants lived on, because they were no longer made of flesh and blood and what-not. Steve, being a kindly demigod, decided to move into the little house with his dog Blue, whom the gods had bestowed upon him as a gift, and the two of them would keep the servants company in their despair. 

That is what Steve did. And it reveals another thing about his background: Steve had the same power as the Enchantress from Beauty and the Beast, which means that he was some relation of hers. Presumably, she was his sister and the two of them, along with Joe, were the children of Mary Poppins. 

The question has arisen of why a princess would live in a little house like the one in Blue's Clues, rather than a castle. But, as you probably know, there have been many stories of princesses living in small cottages, like Snow White and Aurora from Sleeping Beauty. Snow White lived with seven dwarfs, but Aurora lived with three fairies, who could not be turned into inanimate objects, so our best guess is that the princess whom Steve turned into a hag was Snow White, because no other record of a princess living in a small cottage has been discovered. Snow White's Prince existed, but he was only fond of her because he was an old flame of hers, so he wrote the story with her and the apple for old time's sake, and out of wishful thinking. 

After several years on Blue's Clues, Steve has lived out his time and the gods have made him into a constellation in the sky, and his inferior brother Joe has taken charge of Blue's Clues. 

The End 

Call Me Maybe by William Shakespeare

(Juliet)

♪ I sat on my balcony
I was so cute, as you can see
I looked for you, you looked for me
And now you're in my way ♪

♪ I don't give a hoot about your name
I know your family is insane
But I still love you just the same
And now you're in my way ♪

♪ Your stare was holdin'
Ripped tunic, skin was showin'
Where dyou think you're going baby? ♪

♪ Hey, I just met you
and this is crazy
but I faked my death
so call me, maybe? ♪

(Romeo)

♪ It's hard to see you dead
you look bad, baby
so here's some poison
to kill me, maybe ♪

(Juliet)

♪ Hey, I just met you
and this is crazy
but I faked my death
so call me, maybe? ♪

♪ Oh, no you're dead now
and this is crazy
so here's a dagger
to kill me maybe ♪

The Raven by Lewis Carroll

The Walrus and the Carpenter + The Raven = The Narrator of The Raven Gets PO'd at the Raven and Eats It

The moon was shining in the sky, 

shining with all her might

She did her very best to make 

the stars gleam sharp and bright.

This wasn't odd, because it was

the middle of the night. 

The sun was sleeping sleepily

Because he thought the moon

had every right to be up there

and sing her little tune. 

"It would be rude of me," he said

"to come now much too soon."

My room was dim, as dim could be

I almost fell asleep

my tales of lore were boring me

and worked like counting sheep

but then I heard a tapping

and it gave my heart the creeps. 

I thought it was my lost Lenore,

walking close at hand

I wept like anything because

I wished to hold her hand

but this I could not do because

she was too dead to stand. 

But seven taps, and seven raps

came from the door again

"Do you suppose," I thought to myself

"that it would be a sin

to think it was my lost Lenore?" 

But only a bird came in. 

"Oh, Raven, come and sit with me,

I asked the bird so black

"A pleasant seat, a chance to meet

and maybe have a snack?

And maybe I should know your name?"

And then the bird talked back. 

The bird said "Nevermore" and then 

it perched upon a bust

of Pallas, who is somebody

I don't know, so I trust

that you remember who he is.

I don't although I must. 

I asked the Raven if he knew

of any sort of cure, 

a kind of balm or sweet nepenthe

for my sorrow for Lenore. 

but then the Raven only said,

"Nevermore, nevermore." 

"I weep for me," I said to myself

"I deeply sympathize."

With sobs and tears I ran and got

some knives of notable size

Holding my pocket handkerchief

Before my streaming eyes. 

"Oh, Raven," said I, wielding the knives

'You've had some pleasant fun

with all my sadness, tears and woes."

But answer there was none

and this was scarcely odd because

I'd eaten him in one. 

Complain

I need to complain

Here goes:

1. I feel like an arrogant git because I like showing off on facebook and on my blog and I post stuff way too often.

2. It's hot as heck here and it's also bloody darn humid.

that is all.

thank you!

A Spooky Story

Would anyone like to hear a Spooky Story?

Then attend, O Best Beloved, and I will tell you one.

In our local library, there is a glass case that displays random stuff that library-goers might like to look at. One of these things is a puppet, one of  the kinds that comes to life and kills everybody in the area for no apparent reason.

Today, I went to the library, looked into the display case and

the puppet

was

gone.

And, as far as I know, nobody knows if anybody knows where it went.

The End.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: The Musical

Act 1: Voldemort Continues To Make A Mess Out Of Everything ("Lumberjack Song" by Monty Python)

(Voldemort)

♪ I’m Lord Voldemort and I’m OK

I sleep all night and I work all day! ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He’s Lord Voldemort and he’s OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day! ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ I kill my foes, I eat my lunch, 

I go to the lavatory

On Wednesdays I kill mudbloods

And eat them up for tea! ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He kills his foes, he eats his lunch

He goes to the lavatory

On Wednesdays he kills mudbloods

And eats them up for tea! ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ I kidnap kids, I skip and jump

I like to murder muggles

I put on black goth clothing

And get everyone in trouble! ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He kidnaps kids, he skips and jumps

He likes to murder muggles

He puts on black, goth clothing

And gets everyone in trouble! ♪

♪ He’s Lord Voldemort and he’s OK

He sleeps all night, and he works all day! ♪

(Voldemort)

♪I torture folks, I wear black cloaks

Get pampered at the spa

I’m glad I’m not a muggle

Just like my dear Papa! ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He tortures folks, he wears black cloaks,

Get’s pampered at the spa

He’s Lord Voldemort and he’s OK

He sleeps all night and he works all day! ♪

Act 2: The Seven Potters ("Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo" from "Cinderella")

(Mad-Eye Moody)

♪ Here is some brew I made just for you

Some Polyjuice Potion for you. 

They'll drink it up now, and what have we got?

Six more guys look just like you! ♪

♪ Here is some brew I made just for you

Some Polyjuice Potion for you. 

We can do magic, believe it or not!

Polyjuice Potion for you! ♪

♪ This brew is part of our scheme

to make them all look like you

and the Death Eaters can't-indeed, they shan't-

be able to tell which is you! ♪

Oh!

♪ Here is a brew I made just for you

Some Polyjuice Potion for you.

They'll drink it up now and what have we got?

Six more guys look just like

six more guys look just like

six more guys look just like you! ♪

Act 3: Bill and Fleur's Wedding ("Sunrise, Sunset" from "The Fiddler on the Roof")

(Mrs. Weasley)

♪ Isn't that the little boy I carried?

isn't that the snotty girl I hate? ♪

(Mr. Weasley)

♪ I know at first you didn't like her

but it's too late ♪

(Mrs. Weasley)

♪ How did she get to be a beauty?

When did he get to be so tall? ♪

(Mr. Weasley)

♪ Wasn’t it yesterday when he was small? ♪

(Both)

♪ Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Weasleys turn overnights to adults

Growing up even as we gaze ♪

♪Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears. ♪

(Hermione)

♪ They look so natural together ♪

(Ron)

♪ Just like two newlyweds should be ♪

(Both)

♪ Is there a canopy in store for me? ♪

(All)

♪ Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Weasleys turn overnights to adults

Growing up even as we gaze ♪

♪Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the years

One season following another

Laden with happiness and tears. ♪

Act 4: Kreacher's Story ("Gilligan's Island Theme Song" from "Gilligan's Island")

(Kreacher)

♪ Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,

a tale of a fateful trip

It started in the Dark Lord's cave 

aboard his tiny ship. ♪

♪ I sat in the boat with Voldemort

And through the lake we went

Until we reached a small island

Whence began that tragic event. ♪

♪ The Dark Lord placed in the basin

A locket that he had

Then filled it up with liquid stuff

Which tasted very bad ♪

♪ Then he got on the tiny boat

And left me there to die

But then my master summoned me

So I came back to his side ♪

♪ Then master got into the boat

And we both floated back there

He said the locket must be destroyed

Or else we must beware. ♪

♪ So Kreacher’s had it all these years

But now, alas, it’s lost

I never could demolish it

I disobeyed my boss. ♪

Act 5: Harry, Ron and Hermione Plan To Break Into The Ministry To Find The Locket ("A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from "Cinderella")

(Harry)

♪ Our scheme must be smart and flawless

at the Ministry

We will undermine their prowess

we'll break through their security ♪

♪ Have faith in our scheme, then someday

the locket will come smiling through. 

No matter how our hearts are grieving, if we keep on believing

the scheme that we wish will come true ♪

♪ la laaaa la la LAAAAAA da da dum ♪

♪ dum da dum da deeeee ♪

♪ la laaaa la la LAAAAAAAAA da da dum ♪

♪ da dum dum, da dum dum da deee. ♪

♪ la laaaaa la la LAAAAAAAA da dum dum ♪

♪ da da da da da dum da deeeeee ♪

♪ No matter how your hearts are grieving, 

if you keep on believing,

The scheme that we wish will come true. ♪

Act 6: The Forest of Dean ("Oodelally Oodelally" from "Robin Hood")

♪ Harry Potter and his friends

Campin in the forest

Snqppin back and forth

At what the others have to say

Arguing bout this and that

And having such a rough time,

Oodelally oodelally, golly what a day. ♪

♪ Ever, ever thinking there's Dementors in the area

And always always being so afraid

Ever dreaming that a scheming snatcher and his cronies

Will come follow them and ruin up the day. ♪

♪ Harry Potter and his friends, campin in the forest

Tryin to destroy the horcrux, make it go away

Taking turns in wearing it and getting really grumpy

Oodelally, oodelally, golly what a day ♪

♪ Oodelally oodelally golly what a day. ♪

Act 7: Ron Leaves ("Brave Sir Robin" from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail")

(Harry)

♪ Bravely, bold sir Ronald

Ran away from Hogwarts school

He was not afraid to die,

Oh, brave Sir Ronald ♪

♪ He was not at all afraid

To be killed in nasty ways

Brave, brave, brave, brave, Sir Ronald ♪

♪ He was not in the least bit scared

To be cursed into a pulp

Or to have his eyes gouged out

And his elbows hexed off.

To have his red hair singed

And his freckles scraped away

To have his arm all scraped and mangled

Brave Sir Ronald.♪

♪ His head smashed in

And his heart cut out

And his liver removed

And his guts crushed up

And his nostrils plugged

And his bottom burned up- ♪

Ron: That's enough music for now, Harry. 

(Harry)

♪ Brave Sir Ronald ran away

Bravely ran away away

When Ronald got all sick of it

Yes, brave Sir Ronald turned about

And gallantly he chickened out

Bravely taking to his feet

He made a very brave retreat

Bravest of the braaaave Sir Ronald! ♪

Act 8: Godric's Hollow (The Addams Family Theme Song from "The Addams Family")

(Harry)

♪ Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword ♪

♪ We'll go to Godric's Hollow

I hope we won't be followed

We'll find Bathilda Bagshot

I think she has the sword ♪

♪ We finally finally made it

I do not really like it

It's snowy and it's cold out

but we must find the sword ♪

♪ Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword

Gryffindor's Sword ♪

♪ Oh no! Bathilda's changing!

She's moving really strangely

I think that she is changing

into You-Know-Who's snake! ♪

♪ Voldemort's snake

Voldemort's snake

Voldemort's snake

Voldemort's snake

Voldemort's snake ♪

Act 9: The Silver Doe ("Do Re Me" from "The Sound of Music")

(Harry)

♪ Doe, a deer, a silver deer

Pray, I don’t want it to run

Me, I’ll follow it myself

Far, wherever it will run

So, it’s going to that lake

Blah, the water’s really cold

Gee, there’s so much here at stake

But I’ve got to trust the doe, doe doe doe…..♪

Act 10: Ron Destroys the Horcrux ("I Can Go The Distance" from "Hercules")

(Harry)

♪ You left us, Ron. 

You went far away

But I'm so glad you're back

I can't believe it's you

You just saved my life

And you got the sword

I think you should destroy

the Horcrux, yes I do ♪

♪ You have found a way

to destroy the Horcrux

Make it go away

I think it should be you

And Hermione's smile

will be worth your while

and right here with she and I 

is right where you belong ♪

Act 11: The Tale of the Three Brothers ("The Sound of Music" from "The Sound of Music")

(Hermione)

♪ Now here is the tale of the Deathly Hallows

from Beadle the Bard's book of tales of lore

Three brothers encountered the Deathly Hallows

Three brothers that you've never heard of before ♪

♪ The first one was given Death's wand of enormous strength that could blast off your head

The second was given a magic rock that could bring back the dead

The third was endowed with Death's magic cloak so that he couldn't be seen

But Death wished that they would all die, so these gifts were a scheme ♪

♪ The first one was killed because of his boasting

the second one died out of great despair

But Brother the Third kept himself from croaking 

until he was prepared ♪

Act 12: Dobby Rescues Everybody From Malfoy Manor And Dies ("You'll Be In My Heart" from "Tarzan")

(Dobby)

♪ Come, Harry Potter, it will be all right

Take Dobby’s hand, hold it tight

Dobby protects you from all around you

Dobby is here don’t you cry ♪

(Harry)

♪For one so small, you seem so strong

Dobby will take us somewhere safe and warm

He’ll apparate us to Shell Cottage

Dobby is here, don’t you cry

And he’ll be in our hearts

He’ll be in our hearts

He’ll be in our hearts, always

Always ♪

Act 13: Breaking Into Gringotts ("Fidelity Fiduciary Bank" from "Mary Poppins")

(Harry)

♪ I think that one horcrux

Lies within the bank

Safe and sound

But there are many defenses

All around the bank

To confound

But we’ll achieve a sense of conquest

Once the goblet from the bank

Is in our hands and we have got it

Even though the journey stank

When he deposited his horcrux

In the bank account

He didn’t think he’d see

That he would lose lots of safety in generous amount

Hee hee hee

And he will lose his state of stature

As the horcrux is destroyed

And we’re getting one step closer

To have our enemy really annoyed!♪

Act 14: The Battle of Hogwarts ("The Merry Old Land of Oz" from "The Wizard of Oz")

(Various Hogwarts-People)

♪ Jinx, jinx, jinx,

Hex, hex, hex, 

and a couple of wizard duels

that's how we kill our evil foes

in a battle within the school ♪

♪ shoot, shoot, shoot, 

blast, blast, blast,

and a couple of fearsome ghouls, 

that's how we pick off lousy schmoes

in a battle within the school ♪

♪ We got up at twelve to start the fight at one

It's a deadly atmosphere, it isn't fun. ♪

♪ Not at all fun with a

shoot, shoot, shoot

hex, hex, hex

and a couple of wizard duels

that's how we kill our evil foes 

in a battle within the school. ♪

Act 15: Snape's Memory ("When Somebody Loved Me" from "Toy Story 2")

♪ When somebody loved me

Everything was beautiful

Every hour we spent together lives within my heart

And when she was sad

I was there to dry the tears

And when she was happy, so was I

When she loved me ♪

♪ We first met when we were kids

I thought to myself “I’ve got dibs”

Until she met that Potter

It wasn’t meant to be ♪

♪ But when she was lonely

I was there to comfort her

And I thought that she loved me ♪

♪ So the years went by

She stayed the same

But she thought I drifted away

I was left alone

Still I waited for the day

When she’d say “I will always love you.”♪

♪ And then she had Harry

Whom the Dark Lord tried to kill

But he killed her instead so I

Must watch Harry. ♪

Act 16: Voldemort Calls Harry Over Loudspeaker and Harry Meets Him In The Dark Forest ("I'm Wishing" from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs")

(Voldemort)

♪ I’m wishing ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He’s wishing ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ For the Boy Who Lived 

To find me ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ To find him ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Tonight ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Tonight. ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ If he won’t ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ If he won’t ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Come face me right now

Then his friends ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Then his friends ♪

(Voldemort)

 ♪ Will die ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Will die.♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(all)

♪ Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ I’m wishing ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ He’s wishing ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ For the Boy Who Lived

To find me ♪

(Death Eaters)

♪ To find him ♪

(Voldemort)

♪ Tonight.♪

(Harry)

♪ TOOONIIIIIIGHT! ♪

Voldemort: Ooh!

Harry: Hello. Did I FRIGHTEN you?

Act 17: King's Cross ("The Call" from "Prince Caspian")

♪ I started out as a baby

And then grew into a boy

And then grew into a young adult

And then grew into a real old man

And then that man grew wiser and wiser

Till he was the wisest guy

I’ve come back

‘cause you need me

No need to say goodbye

I’ve come back

‘cause you need me

No need to say goodbye ♪

♪ Just because everything’s changing

Doesn’t mean it’s never been this way before

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the war

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

Till they’re before your eyes

You’ll go back if you want to

No need to say goodbye

You’ll go back if you want to

No need to say goodbye ♪

Act 18: Molly Weasley Kills Bellatrix Lestrange ("Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" from "The Wizard of Oz")

*NOTE: I apologize for the language, but in my defense, Mrs. Weasley said it and it works with the song. 

(Molly)

♪ Ding, dong, the bitch is dead

Which old bitch? The wicked bitch

Ding, dong, the wicked bitch is dead

She wanted all my kids

So I cursed her in the ribs

Ding, dong, the wicked bitch is dead

I killed off my mortal foe

My foe, my foe, my foe, yo ho

And now as you can see

I’m very happy

Ding, dong the merry-oh

Singing high, singing low

Let them know

The wicked bitch is dead ♪

Act 19: Final Faceoff With Voldemort ("Way Back Into Love" from "Music and Lyrics")

(Harry)

♪ You've been living with a shadow overhead

You've been living with a cloud above your bed

You've been evil for so long

Been killing muggles,can't seem to move on ♪

♪ You've been taking all our hopes and dreams away

You are gonna end up miserable someday

You need to set aside some time

To clear a little space in the corners of your mind ♪

♪ All you need to do is find a way back into love

All you need to do is find a way back into love

ohhh ohhhhhhhhh ♪

♪ You just need to have remorse for what you've done

Be a little sorry for ruining our fun

You could use some direction

And I've got a few suggestions ♪

♪ All you need to do is find a way back into love

All you need to do is find a way back into love ♪

Act 20: 19 Years Later ("Two Worlds" from "Tarzan")

♪ Put your faith in what you most believe in

Two worlds, one family

Trust your heart,

Let fate decide

To guide these lives we see ♪

♪ A paradise, no Voldemort

Within this world blessed with love

A simple life, they’ll live in peace ♪

♪ Now their kids will start their year at Hogwarts

Two worlds, one family

Trust your heart

Let fate decide

To guide these lives

To guide these lives we seeee

Two worlds one family ♪