Re-Watching Episode 1

A couple of weeks ago, I finished the last of Netflix's supply of Supernatural episodes, so I'm more or less caught up to the current season. The thing is though, I now have nothing to do with my life, so last night I decided I'd go back to season 1 and start over.

Re-watching the Pilot episode, I was like

SAM YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.

First he said, "I need to be back by Monday." And I went

Then he said "It's just a little family drama." And I went 

Then he said "Everything's going to be OK." And I went 

And then this happened: 

Sam: What would I do without you?

Jess: Crash and burn. 

And I went 

again, because that's literally what happened to Jess. 

She was so mad at him for leaving her, she hit the ceiling. 

OK I'm done. 

"Goyle" by Lorde Voldemort

This is a re-write of the chorus of a song called "Royals" by Lorde.

Potterized by yours truly.

Ahem.

♪ ...cause every song's like
gold snitch
Great Hall
Myrtle's in the bathroom
dungeons
dress robes
trashin' up the dorm room
We don't care,
we're flying hippogriffs in our dreams

and everybody's like
crystal balls and
fortunes in the tea leaves
potions,
charm work
dragons on a gold leash,
we don't care,
we aren't caught up in your love affair

'cause I'm Gregory GOOOYLE (Goyle)
there's no one with purer blood
that kind of stuff just ain't for us
we crave a different kind of buzz

lemme be your RUUUULER (ruler)
I'm so happy being me
'cause baby I rule (I rule, I rule, I RULE!)
lemme live that fantasy ♪

Christmas Equivalents In Nerd Lore

Happy Fourth Sunday Of Advent!

If you, like me, have lived most of your life in an alternate universe, then you might have noticed that most alternate universes share a common thread, which is The Corruption Of The Good By Evil And The Ultimate Defeat Of Evil By Good Via Sacrifice.

Therefore most alternate universes I have encountered include at some point an event that is the equivalent to Easter, aka The Defeat Of Evil Via Christ's Death And Resurrection. And extrapolating this further, if those are the right words, most alternate universes include at some point an event that is the equivalent to Christmas, aka The Beginning Of The Final Stage Of Salvation History.

The three alternate universes I'd like to look at, for my own amusement, are Middle Earth, Hogwarts, and Narnia. Easter is more clear in these stories: in Narnia, it is Aslan's sacrifice, rise from the dead, and defeat of the White Witch; in Hogwarts it is Harry's sacrifice, rise from the dead, and defeat of Voldemort; and in Middle Earth it is the destruction of the Ring.

Unless I'm wrong, Christmas is the very beginning of the final stage of salvation history, which I said before. But I don't think I'm wrong. This means that the equivalent of Christmas in Narnia is whatever started off Aslan's return and the defeat of the White Witch, which would be the time when all four Pevensie children entered Narnia. Christmas in Narnia is easier to spot, because there actually is a Christmas in Narnia, complete with Father Christmas and snow and gift-giving and what-not.

The equivalent of Christmas in the world of Harry Potter is what brought about the downfall of Voldemort, or the murder of Harry's parents by Voldemort and the attempted murder of Harry. Had Voldemort not "marked Harry as his equal," Harry never would have been qualified to fulfill the prophecy re Voldemort's defeat. However, Voldemort obviously had never watched Kung Fu Panda, so he didn't know that "one often meets his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it."

The equivalent of Christmas in Middle Earth, I believe, is the time when Deagol finds the Ring and is murdered by Smeagol, who then takes the Ring for himself. This leads to Bilbo finding the Ring and giving it to Frodo who destroys it, or rather fails to destroy it and accidentally loses it over the edge of Mount Doom during the struggle with Smeagol. You could argue that Christmas in Middle Earth is Isildur taking the Ring from Sauron, but I'm not going to do that because the Ring was meant to be destroyed by smaller folk more suited to power than Men who were more easily corrupted. Also Smeagol's taking of the Ring is significant because it was ultimately Smeagol who caused it to be destroyed at Mount Doom.

The Christmas equivalents in Hogwarts and Middle Earth are not obvious because they involve murder and an overall sense of non-happiness, but this is perhaps a tribute to the Holy Innocents who were murdered by King Herod's soldiers on the first Christmas.

"You can only come to morning through the shadows."
-JRR Tolkien

Merry Christmas!

Titles With "Runners"

I noticed lately that quite a few books/movies are titled "The ___ Runner."

Like

The Maze Runner

The Kite Runner

Blade Runner

Desert Runner

Which leads me to believe that, if you want to write a good story, include "Runner" or "Runners" in the title.

Or just take your favorite books/movies and substitute one word of the title with "Runners" or "Runner" and rewrite it.

Like,

The Fellowship of the Runners

The Two Runners

The Return of the Runners

An Unexpected Runner

The Runners of Smaug

The Battle of the Five Runners

O Runner, Where Art Thou?

Winnie the Runner

Harry Potter and the Runner's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Runners

Harry Potter and the Runner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Runner of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Runners

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Runner

Harry Potter and the Deathly Runners

The Runner, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

Prince-Runner

The Runners of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Runner

The Magician's Runner

The Last Runner

The Horse and His Runner

O Runners!

The Scarlet Runner

The Runner of Monte Cristo 

Gone with the Runners

I realize now that repeating a word over and over again makes it stop sounding like a word. Lemony Snicket did that to me once when he filled an entire page with "never ever ever ever.." I love that man.

The Hobbit: A Short Review

!!!!

mentally preparing

title

SMAUG

BARD!!

THORIN YOU SON OF A 

HOLY BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEPING BLEEP GALADRIEL!

BILBO!!

FILI!

KILI!

LEGOLAS

THORIN!!

HOLY BLEEPITY BLEEPING BLEEP THE ENDING!!!

Useless Charts Re. Parallel Universes

Hello!

Hobbit 3 comes out tomorrow/tonight, and I'm seeing it tomorrow evening. Hooray!

But I need something to do in the meantime. So without further adieu, here's a Useless Chart detailing the reasons why I think that Sam Winchester is really Harry Potter in an Alternate Universe:

Also, I know that it's "ado" and not "adieu," so don't tell me.

Anyway, here goes:

Harry Potter	Sam Winchester
Scar pain = visions	Head pain = visions
Badass life = no girlfriend	Badass life = no girlfriend
Mother died in his nursery via Evil Dark Wizard	Mother died in his nursery via Fugly Demon
Unbeatable Wand	Unbeatable Gun
Has a wise-ass, slightly potty-mouthed best friend with a flying car	Has a wise-ass, slightly potty-mouthed big brother with a car that doesn’t fly but is nonetheless equally awesome
Hair style serves as an indicator of which movie you’re watching	Hair style serves as an indicator of which season you’re watching
Comes back from the dead	Comes back from the dead several times
Voldemort’s horcrux	Lucifer’s vessel
Has to die to kill Voldemort	Has to go to hell in order to defeat Lucifer
Almost everyone he loves is dead	Almost everyone he loves is dead
Ditches school to fight evil	Ditches school to fight evil

And for no extra charge, here's a Useless Chart detailing the reasons why I think Dean Winchester is really Sokka from The Last Airbender in an Alternate Universe:

Sokka	Dean Winchester
Sarcastic	Sarcastic
Protective big brother	Protective big brother
Likes food	Loves food
“There has to be a logical explanation for this.”	“There has to be a logical explanation for this.”
Has a kid sister with an Important Necklace	Has an Important Necklace
Dead mom	Dead mom
Blind friend	Blind friend
Likes puns	Likes puns
Can’t bend the elements but is naturally badass	Isn’t psychic-ish like Sam but is naturally badass
Gets stoned by cactus juice	Gets stoned by Leviathan Turducken Sandwiches
Best friend is the Avatar	Best friend is an angel
Gets trapped in the Spirit World	Periodically gets trapped in Hell, Purgatory, Astral World, Heaven, Alternate Reality, etc.

So by the associative property of addition, 

if the Supernatural universe overlaps with the Harry Potter universe, and the Supernatural universe overlaps with the Avatar universe, then the Harry Potter universe overlaps with the Avatar universe. 

Which [I think] means that Harry Potter is really Aang in an alternate universe. 

Aang	Harry
Has to defeat central villain to save the world	Has to defeat central villain to save the world
Has important tattoos	Has important scar(s)
Travels by flying	Travels by flying (half the time ish)
Comes back to life via Spirit Water	Comes back to life via Voldemort Screwed Up
Has snarky best friends	Has snarky best friends
Has a pet lemur that flies	Has a pet owl that flies
In love with friend’s sister	In love with friend’s sister
Randomly has visions	Has visions

Poem #44: Djinn and Tonic

"Bottle, bottle, my relief,

free me now from hurt and grief

save my mind and heart from pain,

be my fortune, be my gain."

From the glassy curves there sprang

something drawn by my harangue

frothing bubbles formed without,

seeping from the bottle's spout.

Stumbling, I drank it in,

be it whiskey, beer or Djinn

"Spirits, seek my wish," I said,

"Fill my heart and fill my head."

All that merry drunken night,

all the earth was filled with light

in my simple hut I found

lofty wishes brought to ground.

But as the moon began to wane,

sunlight bottled luck and gain

mind and heart began to clear

and faced the sun, bereft of fear.

"I Must Admit" and "I'm Sorry"

I'm not allowed to apologize anymore, so I'm just going to warn you that this is another overanalysis of expressions used by the English-speaking human population which I am writing because I have time to kill. You've been warned, this is not an apology, end of speech.


I've noticed lately that when people want to pay something or someone a compliment, they often start with the phrase "I must admit." And there's nothing wrong with that, it just tickles my brain sensitivity because I always wonder why they "must admit." Admission, as far as I know, usually happens after a person has said the opposite of what he's admitting, but I keep hearing it when people are just making a non-contradicted comment. For example, you only have to "admit" that the spaghetti I made is good if before you said something like "I am of the opinion that your spaghetti will suck big time." But if you didn't say that, which I hope you didn't, you wouldn't have to "admit" anything. You could just say my spaghetti is delicious (which it is) and call it a day.


I don't have a problem with people saying "I must admit." You can say it till the cows come home for all I care, I'm just in an overanalytical mood and now I'm apologizing again so I'm going to stop talking.


That's another thing that bothers me. People, I have found, tend to assume I'm apologizing every time I say "I'm sorry," but it's not always an apology. I say "I'm sorry" when


1. I wish to apologize
2. I wish to give my condolences.


For example,


Person: My cow was hit by a truck.
Me: Oh, dear. I'm sorry.
Person: No, don't apologize, it's not your fault.


I wish I had a nickel for every time. I didn't hit your cow with my truck, and if I did, I'd be the last person to admit it. I'm not apologizing, I'm offering my condolences. If you don't want condolences, then there's nothing I can do for you. I suppose I could get you a new cow, but that is something for which ain't nobody got time, including me. Plus I can't afford a new cow. I don't even think I can afford a used cow. Get your own damn cow.


That's all I got to say about that.

This Is Not A Drill

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Told you. Have a nice day!

Poem #43: Night and Day

The Princess Fay once ran away

and built a great balloon

She warmed its air with greatest care

and sailed beyond the Moon

She drifted far to night and star

that sunny day in June.

"Balloon," said Fay, "take me from day,

from Sun and green and light."

They flew so high the Gemini

came dancing through the night

with good Orion and the Lion

following in flight.

She stopped to dine on fruits and wine

from dippers great and little

in lark and mirth away from Earth

where joy was faint and brittle,

where nothing slept and shadows crept

and stifled fife and fiddle.

The Princess sang, the comets rang

with echoes, sweet and soft

But far from home, she was alone

in utter dark aloft

so none too soon, she called "Balloon!

it's high time we were off."

She touched down basket in the grassy

meadow, damp with dew

And so that day, the Princess Fay

loved Sun and light anew.

In grassy green, she was the queen

of sky, both black and blue.



The Battle of the Five Armies [real] Trailer

My reaction:

BILBO!!!!!

THORIN!!!!!

SARUMAN!!!!

BARD!!!!

WAR BATS!!!!

THRANDUIL + TAURIEL!!!!!

BILBO!!! GANDALF!!!!

KILI!!!!!!

ERMEGHERD!!!!!

copyright note: I don't own these images, I stole them. 

Battle Of Five Armies Trailer

The second trailer for Battle of Five Armies is taking a million years too long to be released. So I'm making my own trailer.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to do that, so I'm going to give you a written description of what happens in it.

♪ Epic music ♪ 

Bilbo: This is like, the best video ever made.

♪ Epic music ♪ 

Bilbo: Thorin, even though you were a jerk to me, I'll always be your friend.
Thorin: Aw, you're so sweet, Bilbo.

♪ Epic music ♪

Galadriel: Why does everybody think we're in love?
Gandalf: I don't know. We're not in love.

♪ Epic music ♪ 

Bilbo: These are Moria Orcs. They will outrun you.
Thorin: These are Battle Goats. I'd like to see them try.

♪ Epic music ♪

Kili: Remember Elizabeth's theory about our "relationship?" She was totally right.
Tauriel: She's a genius.
Kili: I know, right? And she's bewitchingly good-looking.
Fili: Ditto that.
Bofur: Takes one to know one.

♪ Epic music ♪

Smaug: *fire*

♪ Epic music ♪

Epic title sequence 

THE HOBBIT: THE UNEXPECTED DESOLATION OF THE FIVE ARMIES. 

COMING NOT SOON ENOUGH. 

BATTLE GOATS RULE.

Coping With The Death Of Your Favorite Character

Harry Potter fans, Hobbit fans, and others have needed/will need a lot of grief counseling because writers, for reasons of their own, often choose to become heartless killers and consequently cast a vast cloud of misery and despair over their readers.

I mention Harry Potter and The Hobbit for obvious reasons, but none of the main characters of Narnia die (until The Last Battle) and I'm not even going to talk about Sherlock because nobody who dies in that show is actually dead. Doctor Who is a little cruel because it's one character dying over and over and over again. I'm not a Game of Thrones fan (I wish I was, but I couldn't get past the nudity), but apparently every single character and his dog dies in blood, doom, and general wretchedness, except for the sassy blonde Malfoy kid, who, I gather, is the only one people want dead. I'm not much of a Star Wars fan either; again, I wish I was, but I tried it was a little too political for my insufficient brains.

What I'm getting at is that being a fanman/fangirl comes with the occupational hazard of drowning in tears every time you read your favorite books or watch your favorite movies, and what we need, in some form or another, is Grief Couseling For Sad Nerds.

Here's what I recommend:

[and I know I just finished complaining about things written in list-form, but it's an easy way of writing things and I don't have all night. Actually I do have all night, but I'd rather spend it sleeping]

1. Ask yourself, "would I like this character as much if he hadn't died? would he be as heroic?" most often (I think, I'm totally speculating here) the answer will be NO.
2. Ask, "did my character die well, or did he die in disgrace and despair?" most often, the answer will be YES, and when it is, you can remind yourself that now there is no possibility of the character dying in disgrace and despair in the fictional future.
3. Go back to the beginning of the book/movie and watch your character being carefree and happy. This will probably make you cry even more, but as Gandalf said, "not all tears are an evil."
4. Drink a lot of alcohol and pretend your character is alive and you're getting married and living long and happy lives away from the torments of reality.
5. Actually, nothing works, you'll just be sad forever. Sorry about that. I have been a sad fangirl since I was about seven years old.

That wouldn't be saying much if I was eight years old now. But I'm twenty-one, so I'm allowed to say that I've been a sad fangirl for a long time. When the time comes, I'm going to set up a bar especially for sad fanmen/fangirls so that they can come and drink and cry and sing "The Parting Glass" when they need to without suffering the mockery of people who actually "live" in the "real" world.

Prayers for Brittany Maynard

I want to say something about the poor woman with cancer who plans on ending her life on her own terms.

First off, if she does do it, please don't assume she's going to hell for it. No matter what anybody does, there is always always always "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" to look to.

I was going to give a long explanation of why it's horrible to end your own life, but as usual I've overestimated my ability to convert brain waves into actual words. Suicide has always given me the chills, and I can't imagine what it would be like to know someone who could do that to himself and to his family.

I think that's the whole theme of Harry Potter. Voldemort tries both to elude and control death and inflicts suffering on countless others; Dumbledore and Grindelwald look for the Hallows in order to be "masters of death" with horrible results; but Harry masters his own death by accepting it and walking into it by his own will. It's a bit like Abraham Lincoln's saying, "I defeat my enemies when I make them my friends," if I've got that right. Death, the enemy, is defeated when you befriend it.

5 Things That Bother Me About List Articles

I am constantly running into articles entitled something like "20 Things You Should Know About Ebola," "15 Times Disney Proved You Don't Need a Man To Save You," "5000 People I Encountered Today Who Need To Go Soak Their Heads," etc. They sort of bother me after a while, probably for no good reason, I just enjoy being annoyed. But they get a little old, because

1. The list never includes what I think/hope it's going to include, which is annoying.

2. The titles aren't interesting to read, which doesn't really matter, I just get tired of reading them every time I go online which rhymes which is awesome.

3. I ran out of things to say, I just don't feel like getting up to brush my teeth.

4. It's more fun to read something written as a complete thought that flows more and isn't "bam, bam, bam."

5. They cause me to make stupid posts like this one and lose sleep.

Also, Disney, some people do need a man to save them. If I'm ever like, dead, and the only way I can come back to life is if a man kisses me, then I need a man to kiss me, hence, I need a man to save me. So far I've spent most of my life in chill mode. If I'm ever in a desperate situation with little or no hope of escape and no man is coming to save me, I might just be screwed. 

How To Not Be A Complete Wacko

After living on this Earth for 21 years, I've decided to conclude that there are way too many people who need to take a chill pill.

That is, each one of them has to take a separate chill pill. It's not like there's one huge chill pill for all the people who need to chill. Because that would be like trying to put one giant chocolate chip into several little cookies, which doesn't work.

If you happen to be one of the several million people on this planet who needs to take a chill pill, and you don't have access to a chill pill of any kind, here is

How To Not Be A Complete Wacko

by Yours Truly.

1. Don't text someone you only just met about your sister's invasive surgery on her personal anatomy. I don't know your sister, but she probably doesn't appreciate it.

2. Don't try to convince someone you don't know that he [in this case she] needs to make drastic changes in his [her] life.

3. Don't hint to said person that if she doesn't make said drastic changes, she is inadequate as a human being.

4. Don't say offensive things about said person's religious beliefs.

5. Don't smell weird and then try to hug said person.

6. Don't suggest to said person that her mental illness is not a relevant issue.

I think that covers it.

Also,

7. Do compliment person on her awesome shirt as you walk by. The words "nice shirt,"though said with very little effort, are appreciated.

8. Also, don't have the following conversation:
Hopefully Not You: I'm studying this, this, this, and this.
Me: Wow, that's awesome!
Hopefully Not You: Yeah.

Instead, have this conversation:
You: Are you prepared for the zombie apocalypse?
Me: Yep.
You: Me too.

Anyway I'm tired. Good night!

Orc-Latin and Elf-Latin

What ho, fellow Mordorks!

After watching Desolation of Smaug about 500 times this summer, I think I figured out how to sound like you're speaking Black Speech (aka Orc Language of Darkness and Doom).

A lot of words/phrases in Black Speech seem to end with the sound "nash." So, to speak Orc-Latin, you just need to move the first letter of each word to the end of the word and add "nash," or "ash" (unless the word begins with a vowel).

For example,

"Onenash oesdash otnnash implysash alkwash intonash Ordormash"

translates to

"One does not simply walk into Mordor."

And

"Eythnash arenash akingtash ethnash obbbitshash otash Isengardash"

translates to

"They are taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

Elf-Latin is a little more complicated. It is constructed the same way as Orc-Latin, only words that begin with vowels end with "than" and words that begin with consonants will end with "elion" [pronounced "th-ah-n" and "elly-on"].

For example,

"Onethan oesdelion otnelion alkwelion intothan Ordormelion"

translates to

"One does not simply walk into Mordor,"

and

"Eythelion arethan akingtelion ethelion obbitshelion otelion intothan Isengardelion"

translates to

"They are taking the hobbits to Isengard!"

Actually, I explained that really bad. Let me try that again.


 Orc-Latin: translate your speech into Pig-Latin, If the Pig-Latin word ends in a vowel, remove "yay" and add "nash." If the Pig-Latin word ends in a consonant, remove "ay" and add "ash."

Elf-Latin: translate your speech into Pig-Latin. If the Pig-Latin word ends in a vowel, remove "yay" and add "than." If the Pig-Latin word ends in a consonant, remove "ay" and add "elion."

There you go, now you know everything there is to know about Orc-Latin and Elf-Latin.

GAH PEOPLE

I need to stop reading comments on Pinterest, because I always end up like

when people are stupid. 

People aren't always stupid, but when they are, they're stupid in the very way that pets my peeves. 

More On The Tauriel Debate

People [on both sides] are getting way too worked up. The third movie isn't even out yet, so we don't even know how the whole Legolas/Tauriel/Kili thing is going to turn out. If I were in the habit of telling people what to do, I'd say calm the heck down and reserve judgment until December 17th. 

I've noticed that a lot of serious Tolkien Nerds are pro-Tauriel, and I think it's because she seems like a character that Tolkien could have written. I just finished reading The Silmarillion and as I read I came across characters that were very Tauriel-ish. 

So, people, in the spirit of keeping the peace, shut up until December and then you can tar and feather Peter Jackson. Mr. Jackson said in an interview that in the third film, everything is going to come together and tie in, which is SUPER EXCITING. 

One more thing [SPOILER ALERT]

One of the anti-Tauriel/Kili friendship arguments was that Legolas and Gimli's friendship was supposed to be the first time an Elf and a Dwarf became good friends. 

My response to that is: 

Kili and Tauriel won't have a chance to become good friends because Kili's going to die, which is very sad.

Have a nice day!

An Excellent Movie Idea By Yours Truly

I just had an EXCELLENT IDEA.

I'm going to become a movie director and make a movie and tell everybody, "It's got a twist at the end." Then I'm going to end the movie with

and it's going to be brilliant. 

A Thought On Cute People

I was on Pinterest just now [obviously] looking at LOTR/The Hobbit stuff [of course] and I saw a picture of a Random Mirkwood Elf and I thought, "I'm going to pin that, because he's cute." Then I thought, "Wait, I shouldn't just pin that because he's cute, he's not even an important character, don't be a stupid fangirl, don't pin it just because he's cute." Then I thought, "Screw that." And pinned it anyway.

Then I thought, what's wrong with liking a person's face? Faces are nice things to look at. Liking a person's face is like enjoying looking at an interesting flower or bird or soldering iron. I've never asked God this, but I bet He likes it when people appreciate each other's good looks, because He made them good-looking. You can look at a person with a nice face and say "Hey, Lord, that's a neat-looking person You made," and He'll be tickled pink and say, "Aw, really?"

This is a bit of a revelation for me, because I've always beaten it into my head that I can ONLY like a person for his personality, and there can't be anything physical about it at all.

Poem #42: In Which Jack Nicholson Doesn't Give A Hoot

Drinking makes your breath smell,

sugar grays your hair,

smoking gives you cancer, 

but I don't really care. 

GMO's are deadly,

stay away from them. 

Smoke will stop your lungs up,

and now I'm dead again.

Cigarette's are evil, 

so are pipes, they say. 

If I die, I'll smoke first

and die my favorite way. 

Aglet Appreciation

Hello!

Nothing to report, just that I watched an episode of Phineas and Ferb last night, and I now feel that I need to raise awareness and appreciation of the aglet.

This is an aglet. Please take a moment to appreciate it. 

How Not To Man

I just realized, the Prince from Cinderella is a git. Here's why:

According to The Grand Duke, when the Prince sees Cinderella, he knows she's "the girl of his dreams...who she is or whence she came, he knows not, nor does he care..."

Now I'm thinking,

Also because of this meme: 

Also he literally yawns and rolls his eyes when being introduced to less pretty girls in the Kingdom. Not good Husband Material. 

This is not how to man. 

THIS is how to man. 

[this is Will Proudfoot from Son of Rambow]

Last Night's Discussion With Anthony

Anthony: ....they left SOOO much stuff out of Goblet of Fire! They left out some of the best parts! When I grow up I'm going to redo Harry Potter as a TV show and make sure EVERYTHING's in it.

Me: The way I see it, the movies are just companions to the books. They're not supposed to be like the books only on TV, they just go along with the books.

Anthony: What? You mean like Batman and Robin?

Me: What about Batman and Robin?

Anthony: I mean like how the movie's called "Batman," but it has Batman AND Robin in it. So the book would be like Batman and the movie would be like Robin?

Me: No, no, I mean the book would be Batman, and the movie would be an action figure of Batman. You wouldn't pick up an action figure of Batman and say, "What?! How come it doesn't actually move or talk?! It doesn't look exactly like Batman! It's TERRIBLE!"

Maisie: Wait, what're you talking about?

Anthony: She's saying that movies are like action figures of Batman, and books are like the actual Batman.

Maisie: Wait, what?

Me: No, I mean books are to Batman as movies are to action figures of Batman.

Maisie: WHAT??

Anthony: Never mind!

Superhero Science-Fiction vs. Fantasy Adventure

All right.

I wasn't going to say anything, but I have to now, because this cannot go on.

Actually, it can, and technically everything would still be hunky dory, but to quote Morpheus it's "a splinter in [my] mind...driving [me] mad..."

Here goes: Superhero Science-Fiction is NOT, I repeat, NOT, the same genre as Fantasy Adventure. Let me break it down for you. Bear with me; I'm explaining this for your own good.

Similarities Between Superhero Science-Fiction and Fantasy Adventure: 

1. Both usually have a lot of action.

2. Both are usually classified as "Nerdly."

Differences Between Superhero Science-Fiction and Fantasy Adventure:

1. Superhero Science-Fiction usually takes place in the real world, while Fantasy Adventure usually takes place partly or wholly in a different universe.

2. Superhero Science-Fiction characters for the most part have American accents, while Fantasy Adventure characters mostly have British accents.

3. Superhero Science-Fiction usually includes futuristic technology, wardrobes, and ways-of-life, while Fantasy Adventure usually has technology, wardrobes, and ways-of-life similar to Medieval Times or a similar past time period.

4.  Superhero Science-Fiction heroes usually become heroes through tragic backstories, while Fantasy Adventure heroes become heroes because it's either their destiny or their birthright.

5. Superhero Science-Fiction usually features one female character who falls for the main hero, while Fantasy Adventure usually features one or more female character who may or may not fall for one of the main heroes or one of the minor characters.

6. Superhero Science-Fiction has the heroes hiding their identity to protect their loved ones, while Fantasy Adventure features heroes who embrace their identity and become beacons of hope for their loved ones and their people.

7. Superhero Science-Fiction usually features villains who do villainous things for an understandable reason, while Fantasy Adventure usually features villains who do villainous things just because they're assholes.

8. Superhero Science-Fiction usually features a person/group of people who work for the good of protecting one region/city/area, while Fantasy Adventure usually features a person/group of people who work for the good of the whole fantasy world.

9. Superhero Science-Fiction soundtracks usually have an emphasis on beat and rhythm, while Fantasy Adventure soundtracks usually have an emphasis on melody.

10. Superhero Science-Fiction heroes and villains have awesome modes of transportation like motorcycles, spaceships, rocket-boots, etc., while Fantasy Adventure heroes and villains have awesome modes of transportation like horses, eagles, dragons, rams, and elk.

11. Superhero Science-Fiction heroes are usually humble nobodies, while Fantasy Adventure heroes tend to be great kings.

12. That's all.

13. Actually it might not be all, it's just all I can come up with at the top of my head.

14. Have a nice day.

Today is a good day. I don't feel like telling you about it because it would take a long time, and I'm tired and it's almost midnight, but today was good.

Actually no, I will tell you about it.

No there is too much, lemme sum-up.

(That's Inigo Montoya. Must quote The Princess Bride at every given opportunity).

Today's highlights:

1. Hung out with one of my old best friends
2. Babysat my favorite people and fed a lot of princesses to The Dragon
3. Ate delicious pasta
4. Did something my OCD wouldn't let me do for years and enjoyed it. I'm not saying what it was because it would require a lot of tedious explaining, which I don't want to do.

Which brings me to

If you have OCD, just know that it can be stopped. Or at least controlled. Or given a swift kick in the ass. Don't think it can't.

Anyway, what I really wanted to say is that The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and The Silmarillion are brilliant, and I'm going to have a drink and do some more watching/reading/general fangirling until bedtime.

Also here's another pun:

I walked through some poison ivy. It was a rash decision.