Re-Watching Episode 1

A couple of weeks ago, I finished the last of Netflix's supply of Supernatural episodes, so I'm more or less caught up to the current season. The thing is though, I now have nothing to do with my life, so last night I decided I'd go back to season 1 and start over.

Re-watching the Pilot episode, I was like

SAM YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT.

First he said, "I need to be back by Monday." And I went

Then he said "It's just a little family drama." And I went 

Then he said "Everything's going to be OK." And I went 

And then this happened: 

Sam: What would I do without you?

Jess: Crash and burn. 

And I went 

again, because that's literally what happened to Jess. 

She was so mad at him for leaving her, she hit the ceiling. 

OK I'm done. 

"Goyle" by Lorde Voldemort

This is a re-write of the chorus of a song called "Royals" by Lorde.

Potterized by yours truly.

Ahem.

♪ ...cause every song's like
gold snitch
Great Hall
Myrtle's in the bathroom
dungeons
dress robes
trashin' up the dorm room
We don't care,
we're flying hippogriffs in our dreams

and everybody's like
crystal balls and
fortunes in the tea leaves
potions,
charm work
dragons on a gold leash,
we don't care,
we aren't caught up in your love affair

'cause I'm Gregory GOOOYLE (Goyle)
there's no one with purer blood
that kind of stuff just ain't for us
we crave a different kind of buzz

lemme be your RUUUULER (ruler)
I'm so happy being me
'cause baby I rule (I rule, I rule, I RULE!)
lemme live that fantasy ♪

Christmas Equivalents In Nerd Lore

Happy Fourth Sunday Of Advent!

If you, like me, have lived most of your life in an alternate universe, then you might have noticed that most alternate universes share a common thread, which is The Corruption Of The Good By Evil And The Ultimate Defeat Of Evil By Good Via Sacrifice.

Therefore most alternate universes I have encountered include at some point an event that is the equivalent to Easter, aka The Defeat Of Evil Via Christ's Death And Resurrection. And extrapolating this further, if those are the right words, most alternate universes include at some point an event that is the equivalent to Christmas, aka The Beginning Of The Final Stage Of Salvation History.

The three alternate universes I'd like to look at, for my own amusement, are Middle Earth, Hogwarts, and Narnia. Easter is more clear in these stories: in Narnia, it is Aslan's sacrifice, rise from the dead, and defeat of the White Witch; in Hogwarts it is Harry's sacrifice, rise from the dead, and defeat of Voldemort; and in Middle Earth it is the destruction of the Ring.

Unless I'm wrong, Christmas is the very beginning of the final stage of salvation history, which I said before. But I don't think I'm wrong. This means that the equivalent of Christmas in Narnia is whatever started off Aslan's return and the defeat of the White Witch, which would be the time when all four Pevensie children entered Narnia. Christmas in Narnia is easier to spot, because there actually is a Christmas in Narnia, complete with Father Christmas and snow and gift-giving and what-not.

The equivalent of Christmas in the world of Harry Potter is what brought about the downfall of Voldemort, or the murder of Harry's parents by Voldemort and the attempted murder of Harry. Had Voldemort not "marked Harry as his equal," Harry never would have been qualified to fulfill the prophecy re Voldemort's defeat. However, Voldemort obviously had never watched Kung Fu Panda, so he didn't know that "one often meets his destiny on the path he takes to avoid it."

The equivalent of Christmas in Middle Earth, I believe, is the time when Deagol finds the Ring and is murdered by Smeagol, who then takes the Ring for himself. This leads to Bilbo finding the Ring and giving it to Frodo who destroys it, or rather fails to destroy it and accidentally loses it over the edge of Mount Doom during the struggle with Smeagol. You could argue that Christmas in Middle Earth is Isildur taking the Ring from Sauron, but I'm not going to do that because the Ring was meant to be destroyed by smaller folk more suited to power than Men who were more easily corrupted. Also Smeagol's taking of the Ring is significant because it was ultimately Smeagol who caused it to be destroyed at Mount Doom.

The Christmas equivalents in Hogwarts and Middle Earth are not obvious because they involve murder and an overall sense of non-happiness, but this is perhaps a tribute to the Holy Innocents who were murdered by King Herod's soldiers on the first Christmas.

"You can only come to morning through the shadows."
-JRR Tolkien

Merry Christmas!

Titles With "Runners"

I noticed lately that quite a few books/movies are titled "The ___ Runner."

Like

The Maze Runner

The Kite Runner

Blade Runner

Desert Runner

Which leads me to believe that, if you want to write a good story, include "Runner" or "Runners" in the title.

Or just take your favorite books/movies and substitute one word of the title with "Runners" or "Runner" and rewrite it.

Like,

The Fellowship of the Runners

The Two Runners

The Return of the Runners

An Unexpected Runner

The Runners of Smaug

The Battle of the Five Runners

O Runner, Where Art Thou?

Winnie the Runner

Harry Potter and the Runner's Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Runners

Harry Potter and the Runner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Runner of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Runners

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Runner

Harry Potter and the Deathly Runners

The Runner, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

Prince-Runner

The Runners of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Runner

The Magician's Runner

The Last Runner

The Horse and His Runner

O Runners!

The Scarlet Runner

The Runner of Monte Cristo 

Gone with the Runners

I realize now that repeating a word over and over again makes it stop sounding like a word. Lemony Snicket did that to me once when he filled an entire page with "never ever ever ever.." I love that man.

The Hobbit: A Short Review

!!!!

mentally preparing

title

SMAUG

BARD!!

THORIN YOU SON OF A 

HOLY BLEEPITY BLEEP BLEEPING BLEEP GALADRIEL!

BILBO!!

FILI!

KILI!

LEGOLAS

THORIN!!

HOLY BLEEPITY BLEEPING BLEEP THE ENDING!!!

Useless Charts Re. Parallel Universes

Hello!

Hobbit 3 comes out tomorrow/tonight, and I'm seeing it tomorrow evening. Hooray!

But I need something to do in the meantime. So without further adieu, here's a Useless Chart detailing the reasons why I think that Sam Winchester is really Harry Potter in an Alternate Universe:

Also, I know that it's "ado" and not "adieu," so don't tell me.

Anyway, here goes:

Harry Potter	Sam Winchester
Scar pain = visions	Head pain = visions
Badass life = no girlfriend	Badass life = no girlfriend
Mother died in his nursery via Evil Dark Wizard	Mother died in his nursery via Fugly Demon
Unbeatable Wand	Unbeatable Gun
Has a wise-ass, slightly potty-mouthed best friend with a flying car	Has a wise-ass, slightly potty-mouthed big brother with a car that doesn’t fly but is nonetheless equally awesome
Hair style serves as an indicator of which movie you’re watching	Hair style serves as an indicator of which season you’re watching
Comes back from the dead	Comes back from the dead several times
Voldemort’s horcrux	Lucifer’s vessel
Has to die to kill Voldemort	Has to go to hell in order to defeat Lucifer
Almost everyone he loves is dead	Almost everyone he loves is dead
Ditches school to fight evil	Ditches school to fight evil

And for no extra charge, here's a Useless Chart detailing the reasons why I think Dean Winchester is really Sokka from The Last Airbender in an Alternate Universe:

Sokka	Dean Winchester
Sarcastic	Sarcastic
Protective big brother	Protective big brother
Likes food	Loves food
“There has to be a logical explanation for this.”	“There has to be a logical explanation for this.”
Has a kid sister with an Important Necklace	Has an Important Necklace
Dead mom	Dead mom
Blind friend	Blind friend
Likes puns	Likes puns
Can’t bend the elements but is naturally badass	Isn’t psychic-ish like Sam but is naturally badass
Gets stoned by cactus juice	Gets stoned by Leviathan Turducken Sandwiches
Best friend is the Avatar	Best friend is an angel
Gets trapped in the Spirit World	Periodically gets trapped in Hell, Purgatory, Astral World, Heaven, Alternate Reality, etc.

So by the associative property of addition, 

if the Supernatural universe overlaps with the Harry Potter universe, and the Supernatural universe overlaps with the Avatar universe, then the Harry Potter universe overlaps with the Avatar universe. 

Which [I think] means that Harry Potter is really Aang in an alternate universe. 

Aang	Harry
Has to defeat central villain to save the world	Has to defeat central villain to save the world
Has important tattoos	Has important scar(s)
Travels by flying	Travels by flying (half the time ish)
Comes back to life via Spirit Water	Comes back to life via Voldemort Screwed Up
Has snarky best friends	Has snarky best friends
Has a pet lemur that flies	Has a pet owl that flies
In love with friend’s sister	In love with friend’s sister
Randomly has visions	Has visions