Hop On Pop as told by A Personage Of Extravagant Vocabulary

The canine entity is gravitationally disadvantaged.

The canine entity is inside the beverage wielding vessel.

The canine entity is astride the beverage wielding vessel.


The rodential entity is astride the human residence.

The human residence is astride the rodential entity.


The members of this familial gathering are vertically advantaged.

The members of this familial gathering are vertically disadvantaged.

The members of this familial gathering are currently enjoying sport with an amusing sphere.

The members of this familial gathering are currently enjoying sport with an amusing sphere atop a vertically advantaged barrier.

The members of this familial gathering are currently and unwillingly descending from the vertically advantaged barrier.


The members of this familial gathering enjoy certain amusements in the hours between dawn and dusk.

The members of this familial gathering enjoy certain combatic activities in the hours between dusk and dawn.

A certain personage of unknown identity is fraught with the desire to obtain and disembowel my person.

James is fraught with the desire to obtain and disembowel the personage of unknown identity.


In sight is an insect of black and yellow coloring which appears in a striped manner.

In sight are now three insects of black and yellow coloring which appears in a striped manner.

Three entities of marine origin are atop a botanic entity.

Entities of marine origin atop a botanic entity? How came this to be?


The word that my comrades employ to describe me is Vermillion.

Vermillion now resides in his structure of restfulness.

Vermillion, Edward, Theodore, and Nedward now reside in their structure of restfulness.


This personage is known as Patrick.

Patrick has now reclined atop a cranial garment.

Patrick has now reclined atop a feline entity.

Patrick has now reclined atop a tool used in the sport of baseball.

No, Patrick, desist from reclining.


Father is deplorably unhappy.

Deplorably unhappy in the extreme.

He has not enjoyed his time within the solar presence.


What is that object of unknown origin?

The object of unknown origin has the ability to produce pleasing sounds from its vocal chords.

The pleasing sounds from the vocal chords of the object of unknown origin have not yet ceased.

Farewell, object of unknown origin, the sounds from your vocal chords are lengthy and therefore intolerable.


We are currently enjoying the pleasures of striding.

We are now currently enjoying the pleasures of conversing.

We are now currently enjoying the pleasures of temporarily defying gravity.

We are enjoying the pleasures of temporarily defying gravity and then descending upon Father.

Desist! Desist from descending upon Father!


Mr. Brown. Mrs. Brown.

Mr. Brown is sadly inverted.

The canine entity is gravitationally disadvantaged.

Mr. Brown is gravitationally advantaged.

The canine entity is now gravitationally advantaged.

The location of Mr. Brown is unfortunately unknown.

The location of Mr. Brown remains unfortunately unknown.

The location of Mr. Brown have become known. Mr. Brown has retreated from the residence of the townsfolk.


Mr. Brown has now returned to the residence of the townsfolk with Mr. Black.

Mr. Brown and Mr. Black are now enjoying certain culinary articles.


A personage of unknown identity has defied gravity and collided with an unknown object.

Another personage of unknown identity has been detected moving quite quickly.

A personage of unknown identity has entered the outdoor residence.

I persuaded the personage of unknown identity to leave the outdoor residence.


Two canine entities have now been unhappily afflicted with condensation.

Two canine entities are now pleading for the assistance of sympathetic parties.

Father, Mother, Sister, Brother.

This person happens to be another brother of mine.

My brothers are slightly capable of interpreting alphabetical symbols. Small strings of alphabetical symbols like "if" and "it."

My father is capable of interpreting long strings of alphabetical symbols such as "Constantinople" and "Timbuktu."

Are you capable of interpreting the following strings of alphabetical symbols?

seehemewe

patpoppup

hethreetreebee

tophopstop

Acquire the information from me come the morrow.

THE END

The Bat in the Hat

The Bat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss and DC Comics and Christopher Nolan

(narrated by Commissioner Gordon)

I looked at the crime
there was too much to fight
so I stayed in my house
all that cold, cold, dark night.

I sat there with Harvey
we sat there, we two
and I said, "how I wish
there was something to do!"

Too much crime in Gotham
the crooks were too tall
so we sat in the house
and did nothing at all.

So all we could do was to
sit! sit! sit! sit!
And we did not like it.
Not one little bit.

And then something went BUMP!
How that BUMP made us jump!

We looked. Then we saw him
step onto the mat
We looked, and we saw him:
The Bat in the Hat!

And he said to us,
"Why do you sit there like that?
I know there is crime and the crooks are so scary.
But I am here now, so all crooks must be wary!
I know some defense we can use," said the Bat.
"I know some good tricks!" said the Bat in the Hat

"A lot of good tricks.
I will show them to you
And Rachel will not mind
at all if I do."

Then Harvey and I
did not know what to say.
'Cause Rachel was out
of the house for the day.

But the press said "no, no!"
make that Bat go away!
He looks really mean.
we suspect it's foul play!

"He should not be here.
He should not be about.
He should not be here
when Miss Rachel is out."

"Now now! Have no fear! Have no fear!"
said the Bat.
"My tricks are not bad."
said the Bat in the Hat.

"Why we can have
lots of good fun. Take a look!
Here's a game I call
UP UP UP with a crook!"

"Put me down!" said the crook.
"This is no fun at all!
Put me down!" said the crook.
"I do not wish to fall!"

"Swear to me," said the Bat
"Before I let you down.
Swear to me," said the Bat
"there's no drugs in this town!

"You must tell me right now
You must promise me that!
Or this is not all I will do!"
said the Bat.

"Swear to me! Swear to me now!"
said the Bat.
"Or I will let you fall!
I can promise you that!

"I will let you fall down
to the dark street below!
I will let you fall down
'cause I do hate you so!

"Don't think that right now
I'm not having a ball!
And this is not all I can do
Oh, no. This is not all...."

How to Play Monopoly

Because nobody really likes playing Monopoly, but almost everybody has the game anyway, my brothers and I decided to change the rules in order to make it more fun. There's nothing more weird to me than taking a break from your life of worrying about money to play a game in which you worry about money. So here's our new rules:

If you're the little dog, you have to buy the yellow properties

If you're the hat, you have to buy the red properties

If you're the iron, you have to buy the light blue property

If you're the shoe, you have to buy the dark blue property

If you're the ship, you have to buy the pink property.

Everybody starts out with $0. The first player to buy all his property wins.

If you land on Community Chest, you get $500

If you land on Chance, you flip a coin. Heads = win $100, Tails = lose $100

If you land on Electric Company, Water Works, Luxury Tax, or Income Tax, you get $100

If you land on a Railroad, you get $50

If you land on Free Parking, flip a coin. Heads = lose a turn, Tails = skip next player.

If you land on Go To Jail or Jail, you go to jail.

Roll doubles = get a second turn or get out of jail.

We tried it and it's a lot easier to play, given that you don't have a brother who thinks he's General Custard and another brother who thinks he's an Indian Being Beaten Up by General Custard and they both keep squabbling over the rules and pretending to set the money on fire and hitting each other and having meltdowns. Without that it's Jolly Good Fun.

Cheerio!

How to Feel Like a Princess

I don't know how princesses feel in general, because I've never been a princess and I've never met a princess who then told me how she felt. But, I think there's an understanding that princesses normally feel good. So, here's

How to Feel Good, Probably Like A Princess by Elizabeth


1. Give yourself a pedicure. I did this tonight, and it was lovely. First I just stuck my feet in a hot bath for a few minutes, then scrubbed them with a washcloth, then put Foot Lotion on them, then put on my slippers. It was lovely. And I don't know how much getting a pedicure usually costs, but I think it's around 30 dollars, so now I owe myself 30 dollars to spend on whatever I want.


2. Drink a Nice Hot Cup of Coffee. This process is very simple. First, you make yourself a nice hot cup of coffee just the way you like it, then you drink it. Or, if you don't like coffee, drink some nice tea. It doesn't matter what you do while you drink your coffee or tea, just as long as you drink it and enjoy it. If it doesn't turn out just the way you like it, enjoy it anyway.

3. If you have to do work, pretend you're Cinderella and all your dreams will come true. Which would suck for me, because it would mean I'd have to wrestle a terrifyingly fluffy cat in the dark basement to the death.

4. Write a story about all your favorite fictional characters saving you from all your favorite fictional villains. For example, I would write a story about being held captive by Voldemort, Sauron, The Daleks, and Gordon Shappey and then Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Fred, George, Ginny, Neville, Luna, The Doctor, Douglas, Martin, and Arthur rescue me by the means of swords and wands and sonic screwdrivers and polar bears and yellow cars and dragon fruit.

5. Watch an old movie from your childhood. The other night, I was feeling very much not like a princess, so I watched Madeline on youtube and then I felt like a princess.

THE END

The Bat-Blog has a new look again. It doesn't have any bats this time, but it's got black birdies which look a bit like bats, and I'm going to pretend that they're robins, so that's ok.

On a totally different note, we moved bunk beds into our room for me and my kid sister.

bunk beds

are

brilliant.

cheerio

Pig Girls Don't Fly

Pig Girls Don't Fly by Fergie

♪La la la la*

The smell of the birdies lingers on me now

As they make their flight back to their hometown

I need two big wings so I can fly too, baby

To be in the clouds just flying

With clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know

That there is something I wanna do

It’s personal, myself and I we wanna stop rolling around in doo

And I really miss it like a child misses her blanket

And I can’t really go on with this life

It’s time to be a pig bird now

But pig girls don’t fly

Don’t fly, don’t fly, don’t fly

La la la la♪ 

*According to the book Barnyard Dance, "three singing pigs go 'la la la.'" 

How To Get More Than Three Wishes

There are a few old stories out there in which a Poor Humble Man encounters something like a bottle, or a lamp, or a packet of crisps which is the home of some sort of Genie who grants him three wishes. If you've seen Disney's Aladdin, then you know that you're not supposed to wish for more wishes.

BUT

There is a fool-proof, idiot-proof, genie-proof method of getting as many wishes as you want, and this is it:

How To Get More Than Three Wishes by Elizabeth

The key to using this method is to have at least two people.

1. Player 1 finds the vessel containing the Genie. For now, I'll assume it's a lamp.
2. Player 1 rubs the lamp, Genie comes out, offers him three wishes.
3. Player 1 uses up his three wishes.
4. Player 1 hides the lamp in a place where Player 2 can find it.
5. Player 2 finds the lamp.
6. Player 2 rubs the lamp, Genie comes out, offers him three wishes.
7. Player 2 uses up his three wishes.
8. Player 2 hides the lamp in a place where Player 1 can find it.
9. Player 1 finds the lamp.
10. Player 1 rubs the lamp, out comes Genie, Genie offers him three wishes.
11. Player 1 uses up his three wishes.
12. And so on.

It's a bit like the game of The Travelling Lemon in Cabin Pressure, only this way you get three wishes each time you have a turn.

You might think that this method could work with the idea of "see a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck," but it doesn't, because a lot of people forget that there's a second part to the verse which goes something like "see a penny, let it lay, bad luck you'll have for all the day."

Here's what you might think would happen:

1. Every night, leave a penny next to your bed.
2. Every morning, pick up the penny.
3. Have good luck all day.
4. Every night, leave the penny next to the bed.

BUT

Here's what really happens:

1. Every night, leave a penny next to your bed.
2. Have bad luck all night because you left the penny on the ground.
3. In the morning, pick up the penny.
4. Have good luck all day.
5. At nighttime, leave the penny next to the bed
6. Have bad luck all night again.

You could argue that the verse talks only about having bad luck in the daytime, not the nighttime. But the thing is, night is part of a day, because a day lasts for 24 hours and there's no special time set aside particularly for nighttime. And, anyway, I think it's always daytime somewhere in the world like in the song "It's 5:00 Somewhere." That song's always bothered me. I hate it when the singers stop singing to talk to each other. It completely defeats the purpose of singing. I apologize if you're a huge fan of that song.

Anyway, I'm tired and I want to watch Doctor Who. Good night!

Horton Hears Doctor Who

Horton Hears Doctor Who by Dr. Seuss and Russel T. Davies

Note: I didn't change anything except for where the mayor of Whoville talks and I also cut out a lot of stuff so it's not so long.

On the fifteenth of May, in the Jungle of Nool
In the heat of the day, in the cool of the pool,
he was splashing...enjoying the jungle's great joys...
when Horton the Elephant heard a small noise

So Horton stopped splashing. He looked toward the sound.
"That's funny," thought Horton. "There's no one around."
Then he heard it again! Just a faint tiny yelp
as if some tiny person were calling for help.

"I'll help you!" said Horton. "But who are you? where?
He looked and he looked. He could see nothing there
but a small speck of dust blowing past in the air.

"I say!" murmured Horton. "I've never heard tell
of a small speck of dust that is able to yell.
So you know what I think? why, I think that there must
be someone on top of that small speck of dust!

So gently and using the greatest of care,
the elephant stretched his great trunk through the air,
and he lifted the dust-speck and carried it over
and placed it down, safe, on a very soft clover.

Then Horton stopped walking.
The speck-voice was talking!
The voice was so faint he could just barely hear it.
"Speak up, please," said Horton. He put his ear near it.

"Hello," came the voice. "I'm the Doctor." it said
"If you hadn't been here, we all would be dead!
I'm here to see what all this shaking's about.
But you've saved us, so I need not have come out."

"You mean," Horton gasped, "there are more of you there?
"Oh yes," he said. "this place has breathable air.
Why, I've been to most planets both big and small,
but this one, I think, is the smallest of all!

"I thought that the TARDIS would be much too large,
But I said 'Geronimo!' and down we charged!
Now I'm small as well, as are both of my friends.
Oh, what a great place! Oh, the fun never ends!"

And Horton called back to the Doctor of town
"You're safe now. Don't worry! I won't let you down!"

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END

The Princess Bride in the Matrix

We were watching The Matrix the other day, and my Ma pointed out that you can make about 10 billion references to The Princess Bride that fit scarily well.

1. Neo: Why do my eyes hurt?
Dozer: You've been mostly dead all day.
Tank: We had Miracle Morpheus give you a red pill to bring you back.

2. (Kung Fu scene)
Morpheus: You're wonderful!
Neo: Thank you! I've worked hard to become so.

3. Agent Smith: Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.
Neo: My name is Neo! You kill my father. Prepare to die!

4. Agent Smith: I hate this place, this zoo, this prison....It's the smell.
Morpheus: It's not that bad. Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here but the trees are actually quite lovely.

5. (Cypher shoots Tank with the fire gun thing)
Cypher: Well now. That was an adventure. Singed a bit were you?

6. (Neo and Trinity kiss)
Morpheus: Oh, no. No PLEASE. They're kissing again.

7. Morpheus: Welcome to the desert of the real.
Neo: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I think there's more I need to watch the movie again

Livin' on a Prairie

Livin' on a Prairie by Bon Jovi and Laura Ingalls Wilder

♪Laura’s used to live in the woods

Now they’re movin west

The journey is long and tough

So tough

Ma and Pa been workin all day

Building them a house

Made just out of logs and love

And love

They say they’ve got to hold on

To what they’ve got

It doesn’t make a difference

If they make it or not

They’ve got each other

And that’s a lot

For love, we’ll give it a shot

Woooooah! With Pa and Mary

Wooooah! Livin on a Prairie!

Take my hand, with Laura, Ma and Carrie

Wooooooah! Livin on a Prairie!

The Power of Dove by Huey Lewis

The Power of Dove by Huey Lewis and me.

♪The power of dove is a curious thing

Make a one man stink, make another man clean

Change a stench to a little smell of love

More than a feeling that’s the power of dove

Tougher than diamonds, rich like cream

Stronger and harder than a janitor’s dream

Make a bad pit good, make a wrong pit right

Power of dove keeps you clean at night

Don’t need Old Spice, no Irish Spring

Don’t need no Ivory to make you clean

It’s strong and sudden and it’s cruel sometimes

But it might just save your life

That’s the power of Dove♪

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The Musical

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: The Musical

Act 1: Voldemort Makes A Mess Out Of England ("An Actor's Life For Me" from "Pinocchio")

(Voldemort)

♪ Hi, diddle dee dee
A Dark Lord's life for me

I’m killing muggle-borns left and right

I’m wreaking havoc all through the night

Hi diddle dee day

A Dark Lord’s life is gay

It’s great to be a monstrosity

A Dark Lord’s life for me!

Hi diddle dee dum

A Dark Lord’s life is fun!

Hi diddle dee dee!

A Dark Lord’s life for me!

I’m zapping folks with my phoenix wand

I kill brunettes and I’m killing blondes

Now to infinity and beyond!

A Dark Lord’s life for me! ♪

Act 2: Harry Meets Horace Slughorn ("Part of Your World" from "A Little Mermaid")

(Slughorn)

♪Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat?

Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete?

Wouldn’t you think I’m a guy, a guy who has everything?

Look at this shelf, look and behold

How many photos can one cabinet hold?

Lookin around wouldn’t you think “sure, he knows everyone?”

I’ve got famous great wizards a plenty

I’ve taught names of great interest galore

You want ministry berks? I’ve got twenty

But who cares? No big deal I want more

I wanna teach Harry Potter now

I wanna see, wanna see him learning

It was so cool when he escaped that-what’s that word again? Oh, death.

I’m sick and tired of hiding now

Harry’s required to make me famous

Thinkin about it makes me lose my-what dyou call it? Breath.

Watchin him walk, watchin him run,

He’s truly Lily Potter’s son

Oh, dear Harry

Wish I could be part of your wooooorld.♪

Act 3: Malfoy Brags About Possibly Being a Death Eater ("Hi Ho" from "Snow White")

(Malfoy)

♪Hi ho, hi ho

It’s off to work I’ll go

I’ll leave this school and all these fools

Hi ho,

Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho,

It’s off to work I’ll go

For Him I’ll work to kill these berks

Hi ho,

Hi ho!♪

Act 4: Felix Felices ("When You Wish Upon a Star" from "Pinocchio")

(Slughorn)

♪When you drink this little brew

Makes no difference what you do

Fortune will be yours before you

Make one blink

Here’s the Draught of living death

If you make it, hold your breath

if you make it, Liquid Luck

Is yours to drink♪ 

Act 5: The House of Gaunt (Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe)

(Dumbledore)

♪There was an old geezer

Who lived in a slum

To say he was kindly

Is sooner said than done

He had two children there

His daughter, tis said

Was Voldemort’s mother

Before she got all dead.♪ 

Act 6: Voldemort as a Boy ("Chava Ballet Sequence" from "The Fiddler on the Roof")

(Dumbledore)

♪Little boy

Little Voldemort

Harry, this is how he was when he was young

Everything will soon be clear

Snarky and rude and mischevious 

That weird little boy you were

Voldemort, voldemort

Little boy

Little Voldemort

He was always such a creepy little thing

But everybody’s favorite child

Snarky and rude and mischevious 

That weird little boy you were

Voldemort

Voldemort ♪

Act 7: Slughorn's Memory (Bob the Builder Theme Song)

(Dumbledore)

♪Sluughorn’s mem’ry

Can you get it?

Sluuuuughorn’s mem’ry

(Harry)

Yes I can!

(Dumbledore)

We’ve got to conquer

Voldemort

The memory is our

Last resort

You must convince

My fat old chum

To give you the mem’ry

To get the job done

Can we do it?

(Harry)

Yeah!

(Dumbledore)

Can you get it?

(Harry)

Yeah!

(Dumbledore)

Slughorn’s mem’ry

Can you get it?

Slughorn’s mem’ry

(Harry)

Yes I can! ♪

Act 8: Ron Gets Poisoned ("Healing Incantation" from "Tangled")

(Harry)

♪Boezar, small and round

Let your power shine

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

Ronald has been hurt

Poison in the wine

Save what has been lost

Bring back what once was mine

What once was mine.♪

Act 9: Sectumsempra ("Little Dressmakers" from "Cinderella")

(Harry)

♪Sectumsempra,  sectumsempra

Malfoy’s down with Sectumsempra

He was crying in the bathroom

So I snuck in, did some spying

Then he caught me and he cursed me

He tried to keep me hopping

We went around in circles till we’re very very dizzy

Still he hexed me! So I called out Sectumsepmra♪

(Snape)

♪Hey! Harry did it!

Harry did it, Harry did it

Harry called out sectumsempra

He made Malfoy really bloody

And then he went a-running

(Harry)

Oh, no I didn’t do it!

I don’t even know him

Just going to the loo today

I don’t want any trouble

It was never me who called out sectumsempra

(Snape)

Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry,

I know you said Sectumsempry

You are such a little liar

I’m watching you perspire

(Harry)

Someone just cut him with the scissors!

You can just do some sewing

(Snape)

Leave the sewing to the women.

You will get detention

Cause I know that you cursed him with Sectumsempra

Oh! I know that you cursed him with Sectumsempra ♪

Act 10: The Cave ("Poor Unfortunate Souls" from "A Little Mermaid")

(Dumbledore)

♪I admit I’ve got a mind the size of Europe

They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a brain

And you’ll find that nowadays

I haven’t changed my ways

And I believe that you can be the same

And I fortunately know a little magic

It’s a talent that I always have possessed

I think Voldemort won’t laugh

If I use it on his behalf

To destroy his objects that protect his soul

A part of Voldemort’s soul

In a cave, indeed

This one I think is the locket

Not the ring and not the snake

And so we must go with all speed

A part of Voldemort’s soul

So sad, so true

It’s just sitting in a basin

With protections, yes I know

But we must get it

Harry, dude.

Now it’s happened once or twice

That I’ve had to pay a price

To destroy a Horcrux, see I burnt my hand

But I never will complain

Though this hand drives me insane

But we’ll destroy Lord Voldemort’s soul!♪

Act 11: Ode to Dumbledore ("Madeline" from "Madeline")

(Harry)

♪If you believe you must be mean in order to be tough

You should have got to know him

He’d teach you other stuff

Oh, Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

You were so very tall

Oh Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

The wisest of all

He may have been a geezer

A gentleman so soft

But that would never stop him

From pissing villains off

Oh, Dumbledore oh Dumbledore

You weren’t afraid at all

Oh Dumbledore, oh Dumbledore

The bravest of all!♪

The End

Pinocchio Saves the World and Does a Great Service to Aslan

Here's another bit of completely useless information:

My family and I just got back from Priest Lake with all the aunts and uncles and cousins and Grandma, which was fantastic fun, by the way, and in the car on the way back, we listened to an audiobook of The Horse and His Boy by Mr. C.S. Lewis.

If you're not familiar with The Horse and His Boy, then let me tell you there's a bit at the end in which the villain gets turned into a donkey. I was trying to picture that happening, and in my brain it ended up looking like the kids turning into donkeys near the end of Pinocchio.

In The Horse and His Boy, the villain, whose name is Rabbidash if I'm spelling that right, gets turned into a donkey by Aslan in order to make him look ridiculous and humilify him. But while watching Pinocchio, the average Pinocchio Watcher might ask, why turn the boys into donkeys? Why not dragons or giant squids so that the villains can take over the world instead of pulling carriages?

Here's why:

1. In The Horse and His Boy, Aslan turns Rabbidash into a donkey in order to humble him and make him look like an idiot, because Rabbidash is a scum-sucking moron. BUT, Aslan tells Rabbidash how to undo the enchantment, which Rabbidash does, so then he can go back to his kingdom and be the Tisroc (may he live forever).
2. This isn't in the book, but Rabbidash has a son who is very angry at Aslan making his father and Tisroc (may he live forever) the laughing stock of Calormene and Narnia and Archenland.
3. So, Rabbidash's son (I don't know his name, so I'll call him Phreddrique) invents The Craft of Turning People Into Donkeys so that he can turn as many people into donkeys as he wants for revenge, and hopefully make everybody forget about his father's brief spell as a donkey pun intended I win. This is evil because he's doing it out of spite and for his own satisfaction, whereas Aslan did it only once, and for Rabbidash's own good.
4. Phreddrique passes on the knowledge of How To Turn People Into Donkeys to his son, who passes it to his son, etc, but nobody uses it because it hasn't been perfected yet.
5. UNTIL we come to The Villain From Pinocchio who is a descendant of Rabbidash and Phreddrique (I'll call him Phreddrique IV because I don't know his name either). Phreddrique IV perfects the Craft of Turning People Into Donkeys, but he doesn't quite know if it works yet, so he tests it out on lots of little boys. First, he tempts them to be bad by bringing them to Pleasure Island, so it's his way of trying to shove it in Aslan's face and saying "Har, Aslan, look I can make bad people into donkeys too."
6. Presumably, his plot was dissolved after Pinocchio escaped and told everybody about it, but that's not in either of the stories.

So, in a nutshell, the Villain from Pinocchio is Rabbidash's descendant trying to get revenge on Aslan, and the whole Pinocchio story takes place in Narnia, which is why Jiminy Cricket can talk. I know Figaro and Chleo can't talk, but there are animals who can't talk in Narnia, so that's OK.

Good night!

The Tao of Idiots

Hello!

I'm in philosophical mood again today, so here goes.

Idiot Philosophy by Elizabeth

From what I've seen on TV and read in books and what-not, stupid people are a lot happier than smart people because stupid people are more easily entertained by and interested in things.

For example:

1. Forrest Gump is stupid and he has fun just cutting grass.
2. Gilligan is stupid and he's very proud of himself for doing small things right like building a sign that says "Gilligan Raft Maker" or for picking up a coconut without breaking it when he's high on radioactive spinach that gives him super strength.
3. Arthur Shappey is stupid and has a lot of fun tossing apples from hand to hand and spotting yellow cars, and like Pooh (see #8), his non-existent brain doesn't tell him that there could be other things that could make him even happier.
4. Sam Gamgee isn't stupid, but he's more simple-minded I guess, and he's always cheerful about whatever's going to happen, which is key in getting Frodo up Mount Doom and getting the Ring destroyed. So Sam saved Middle Earth just as much as Frodo did, although technically Smeagol accidentally saved Middle Earth. But that's a whole other discussion.
5. Gandalf calls Pippin a fool a lot because he's a jerk, but if you read the book, Pippin knows that bottom line, there's a war and his friends are in danger and he's going to do his best to kick orc butt and help his chums while being as cheerful as possible.
6. Neville Longbottom is supposed to be stupid, but he's driven by kicking evil butt the best he can, and this leads him to cut off Voldemort's snake's head, thus destroying another Horcrux and saving the day.
7. Edmund Pevensie isn't known for being stupid, but he was stupid in trusting the White Witch and almost getting his family killed, but that helped him to demolish the Witch's wand because he hated her guts after being in her custody and he probably wanted to make up for his previous stupidity.
8. Pooh Bear is "a bear of very little brain," but he doesn't mind because he has friends and a home and honey, which is enough for him to be happy. He doesn't want more, because his non-existent brain doesn't tell him that there's more he could have to be even happier.
9. St. Bernadette wasn't famous for being smart and there's a story about her where she couldn't remember what the Trinity was, but now she's a Saint in Heaven, so she's probably fairly satisfied with how her life turned out.
10. There's a bit of the book "The Little World of Don Camillo"  by Giovanni Guareschi where Don Camillo is chatting with Christ on the crucifix in the little church, and Don Camillo says something stupid, so he corrects himself by saying something like "I am a poor, ignorant priest and my head is full of fog," to which Christ replies, "where there is Don Camillo, he is sufficient in himself. It is often the intellect which fogs the brain."
11. Bertie Wooster is described by Jeeves as having "a heart of gold" but being "somewhat mentally negligible," if I'm getting that quote right, and that's why he's so awesome.

So in a nutshell (in my opinion anyway)

stupid people = happy and awesome

and

smart people also = happy and awesome except for the ones who are grumpy and lame like Mr. Banks from Mary Poppins as opposed to the Professor from Gilligan's Island.

Truly stupid people are almost never grumpy and lame.

Billions of people have probably already thought of that, and I don't know if it's actually true or not because I haven't evaluated the worldly population's IQ and happiness level, but it's a new-ish concept for me.

The End

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: The Musical

Act 1: In Which Harry Laments His Being Stuck In Privet Drive Being Attacked By Dementors ("Strange Things are Happening To Me" from "Toy Story")

(Harry)
♪ I was on top of the world, living high
nothing I did was errant
I was living the life
Things were just the way they should be

When, from out of a spell, like a bomb
came that punk who killed my parents
Now all of a sudden
some strange things are happening to me

I had friends, I had lots of friends
Now they're having fun without me
And I'm stuck here in Privet Drive with no company

I had power, I was respected
But not anymore
And I just got attacked
by some jerk Dementors

Let me tell you 'bout the
straaaaaaaaaange things are happening to me
straaaaaaaaaange things
straaaaaaaaaaange things are happening to me
ain't no doubt about it

All this summer I thought I was alone
It turns out I've been stalked
The minute you turn your back
there's weird strangers following you

They think you're a git
for protecting yourself
with some magic
Then they get you expelled
from the school that was so homey to you

Straaaaaaaange things are happening to me
Straaaaaaaange things
Straaaaange things are happening to me
ain't no doubt about it
straaaaaaaaange things...♪

Act 2: #12 Grimmauld Place ("Till I'm Grown" from "The Jungle Book")

(Sirius)

♪ Myyyyyy old hommmme
myyyyyy old hommmme
myyyy old hoommmmme
my old home

Mother's screaming in her portrait
Kreacher's cleaning while he moans
Everyone wants me arrested
So I have to stay at home

Myyyy old hommme
myyyy old hommmme
Everyone wants me arrested
So I have to stay at home ♪

Act 3: Fred, George, and Ginny Celebrate the Result of Harry's Hearing *This part is in the book, not the movie. Fred, George and Ginny dance around the table singing ♪ he got off he got off♪* ("Under the Sea" from "The Little Mermaid")

(Fred, George, Ginny)

♪ The hearing is finally over
And Harry won't be expelled
'Cause Dumbledore came and saved him
from eternal Muggle Hell

And now we can have a party
to celebrate for our chum
and Dumbledore who's a smarty
cause he rescued Harry's bum

Harry got off
Harry got off
Fudge can't expel him
Dumbledore spelled him
just like a boss
Now Harry can go back to school
even though Fudge is such a tool
Drinks all around we
must have a party
Harry got off!♪

Act 4: Professor Umbridge ("The Life I Lead" from "Mary Poppins")

(Umbridge)

♪ A wizard teacher must be a general
the students' future lies within her hands
I will inform the ministry when there is need
when things are getting out of hand.

A wizard ministry is run with precision
A wizard school requires nothing less
Tradition, discipline and rules must be the tooools
without them
disorder!
catastrophe!
anarchy!
in short, we have a ghastly mess!♪

Act 5: In Which Hermione Proposes Harry Teaches Defense ("The Perfect Nanny" from "Mary Poppins")

Hermione: Wanted: a teacher for two adorable children.

♪ If we want to learn defenses
we need someone else to teach us
Handsome face, no warts-

Ron: That's the part I put in!

(Hermione)

♪-learn spells, all sorts.

You must be smart, you must be noble
very brave and very humble
Teach us some jinxes, give advice
charge us no price

If you won't scold and dominate us
we will never give you cause to hate us
we won't hide your spectacles so you can't see
but skrewts in your bed
or maggots in your tea

Hurry, Harry
Many thanks, sincerely

(Ron and Hermione)

♪ Hermione and Ron ♪

Act 6: Fred and George's Fireworks ("The Bare Necessities" from "The Jungle Book")

(Fred and George)

♪Look out for magic fireworks

Our super magic fireworks

Forget about your homework and your tests

I mean the magic fireworks

That make Professor Umbridge shirk

For our fantastic fireworks are best

There’s no one more meaner

So please make her leave

And when she’s mean give her

Hell from us, Peeves

And special discounts to all those

Who want to crush her witchy toes

‘cause we’ve got premises for our shop

To sell joke stuff and bring us to the top

So maybe, try a few

And watch our fireworks, we made them just for you! ♪

Act 7: In Which Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, Luna, and Ginny Go Off To Rescue Sirius ("One Jump Ahead" from "Aladdin")

(Harry)

Gotta make

One jump onto the thestrals

One trip away from the school

Me and Voldemort will have a duel

One jump ahead of his henchmen

To save Sirius from the foes

Those guys don’t appreciate I’m pro

(Ron)

 Harry…

(Hermione)

 think first!

(Ron)

it’s a trick-

(Hermione)

for sure!

(Harry)

I don’t think it is guys...

(Ginny)

Hey he’s here let’s help him out, guys!

(Harry)

I don’t need your help,

You’ll get in my way

Then you all will meet your doom

Ron: Doom?

(Luna)

Yes, but Harry, we’re part of the squadron

(Neville)

We’re supposed to fight the villains’ crime

(Hermione)

I’d blame parents except he hasn’t got ‘em

(Harry)

Sirius will die, if I don’t go now

Tell you more about it when I’ve got the time

One jump onto the thestral

I wish I had my broom

These things sometimes make me want to swoon

One flight over to London

That’s where Sirius is

This time nobody is coming with.

(Hermione)

Harry!

(Ron)

Wait up!

(Ginny)

We won’t-

(Neville)

Give up!

(Harry)

You might never come back…

(Luna)

Look! There goes a Crumplehorn snorcack!

(Harry)

Don’t have time for this

Sirius might die

Fine, then you can come along

One jump ahead of the villains

One hop ahead of the chumps

Or Sirius faces disaster

They’re fast, so let’s be faster

Here goes, gotta throw my hand in

Wish me happy landin,

All we gotta do is flyyyyyyy!

The End.