Hot Men from The Planet Zoosk

I was on Facebook just now, and there was an ad on the side that said "Find your next hot date on Zoosk." I think Zoosk is meant to be a website, but it sounds like an Alien Planet. Maybe Facebook has noticed that my relationship status has been "single" for the last five years, so it's assuming that if I wanted to have a boyfriend, I'd have one by now because the Planet Earth is teeming with eligible bachelors, but for some reason I've found fault with every single one of them, so Facebook is giving me the option of dating Hot Men from the Planet Zoosk.

I never knew there was a Planet Zoosk, if Facebook is talking about a planet. What bothers me is that if people have found out how to use technology for intergalactic internet dating, why aren't there any cordless vacuum cleaners? Or maybe there are. I don't know. But I've been wanting one for eons and I've never encountered one. But I'd rather have a cordless vacuum cleaner than a Hot Date from The Planet Zoosk.

Speaking of technology, about a year-ish ago, my Dad bought us some toilets with two flushers on them which you use depending on what you felt like doing while using the toilet. The point is to conserve water I think. It's a bit awesome. It'd be even more awesome if the Toilet People took it to the next level and put a dial on the toilet so you can indicate how much you went so that the toilet only uses the bare minimum amount of water that's needed for flushing. It would be like a toaster, only instead of "dark," and "medium," and "bagel," and stuff, there would be something like "a little bit," "a moderate amount," "a lot," and "a ton." I'm sorry I'm getting gross now. And it's time for breakfast. Toodle-pip!