How Smeagol Learned to Like Hobbit Food

The True Account of

How Smeagol Learned To Like Hobbit Food and Became Friends with Sam

by Elizabeth

Inspired by Mr. J.R.R. Tolkien and Dr. Seuss

Sam: I am Sam.

Smeagol: ]:

Sam: Sam I am.

Smeagol: That Sam I am, that Sam I am, I do not like that Sam I am!

Sam: Do you like Lembas with Jam?

Smeagol: I do not like it, Sam I am, I do not like Lembas with Jam.

Sam: Would you like it Here or There?

Smeagol: I would not like it Here or There. I would not like it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you like it in a tent? Would you like it with an Ent?

Smeagol: I would not like it in a tent. I would not like it with an Ent. I would not like it Here or There, I would not like it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you eat it with an Orc? Would you eat it with a spork?

Smeagol: Not with an Orc. Not with a spork. Not in a tent. Not with an Ent. I would not eat it Here or There. I would not eat it anywhere. I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Would you? Could you? In the Shire? Eat it! Or it will expire.

Smeagol: I would not, could not in the Shire.

Sam: You will like it! you will see. You may like it down at Bree!

Smeagol: Not at Bree. I would not, could not down at Bree, not in the Shire, Sam let me be! I do not like it with an Orc, I do not like it with a spork, I do not like it in a tent, I do not like it with an Ent, I do not like it Here or There, I do not like it anywhere! I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am!

Sam: Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Mount Doom! Could you, would you, on Mount Doom?

Smeagol: Not on Mount Doom, not in Bree, not in the Shire, Sam LET ME BE!  I would not, could not with an Orc, I would not, could not with a spork, I will not eat them in a tent, I will not eat them with an Ent, I will not eat them Here or There, I will not eat them anywhere! I will not eat Lembas with Jam, I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Say! In the dark? Here in the dark? Would you, could you, in the dark?

Smeagol: I would not, could not in the dark.

Sam: Would you, could you, with a spoon?

Smeagol: I would not, could not with a spoon, not in the dark, not on Mount Doom. Not in the Shire, not down in Bree, I do not like it, Sam, you see. Not in a tent, not with a spork, not with an Ent, not with an Orc. I will not eat it Here or There. I will not eat it anywhere!

Sam: You do not like Lembas with Jam?

Smeagol: I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: Could you eat them on a plate?

Smeagol: I would not, could not on a plate.

Sam: Would you eat at the Black Gate?

Smeagol: I would not eat at the Black Gate. I will not eat it on a plate. I will not eat it with a spoon, I will not eat it on Mount Doom! Not in the dark! Not down at Bree! Not in the Shire, Sam, LET ME BE! I do not like it with a spork, I do not like it with an Orc, I will not eat it in a tent, I will not eat it with an Ent, I do not like it Here or There, I do not like it anywhere! I do not like Lembas with Jam. I do not like it, Sam I am.

Sam: You do not like it, so you say. Try it! Try it and you may! Try it and you may, I say!

Smeagol: Sam, if you will let me be, I will try it. You will see. Say! I like Lembas with Jam! I do! I like it, Sam I am! And I will eat it on a plate and I will eat at the Black Gate, and I will eat it with a spoon, and in the dark, and on Mount Doom, and in the Shire, and down at Bree, it is so good, so good you see! And I will eat it with a spork and I will eat it with an Orc and I will eat it in a tent and I will eat it with an Ent, and I will eat it Here or There, say! I will eat it anywhere! I do so like Lembas with Jam. Thank you! Thank you! Sam I am!