How to Play Monopoly

Because nobody really likes playing Monopoly, but almost everybody has the game anyway, my brothers and I decided to change the rules in order to make it more fun. There's nothing more weird to me than taking a break from your life of worrying about money to play a game in which you worry about money. So here's our new rules:

If you're the little dog, you have to buy the yellow properties

If you're the hat, you have to buy the red properties

If you're the iron, you have to buy the light blue property

If you're the shoe, you have to buy the dark blue property

If you're the ship, you have to buy the pink property.

Everybody starts out with $0. The first player to buy all his property wins.

If you land on Community Chest, you get $500

If you land on Chance, you flip a coin. Heads = win $100, Tails = lose $100

If you land on Electric Company, Water Works, Luxury Tax, or Income Tax, you get $100

If you land on a Railroad, you get $50

If you land on Free Parking, flip a coin. Heads = lose a turn, Tails = skip next player.

If you land on Go To Jail or Jail, you go to jail.

Roll doubles = get a second turn or get out of jail.

We tried it and it's a lot easier to play, given that you don't have a brother who thinks he's General Custard and another brother who thinks he's an Indian Being Beaten Up by General Custard and they both keep squabbling over the rules and pretending to set the money on fire and hitting each other and having meltdowns. Without that it's Jolly Good Fun.

Cheerio!