Ice Cream Flavors According To Lore

Here's something to do next time you're bored: the next time you're bored, get a job at Baskin Robbins, close on a Friday night (which is longer than a Thursday night) with a co-worker who is reluctant to discuss Zombie Apocalypse Strategies, become bored again, then suppress the boredom by re-naming all the ice cream flavors according to your favorite nerd lore.

Of course, if you're me, which you aren't, because I'm me at the moment, and now I've got too many half-sentences separated by commas so I forgot what I was talking about and I'm just going to keep typing until I remember what it was-right, here it is: if you're me (which you're not) you can skip the first two steps because you already have a job at Baskin Robbins with a co-worker who is reluctant to discuss Zombie Apocalypse Strategies and are subsequently now bored a second time, so you may then proceed to re-naming all the ice cream flavors according to your favorite nerd lore. 

So without further ado, here's 

Ice Cream According To My Favorite Lore

Vanilla is now Caradharas because it's white and cold. 

Chocolate is now Kingsley Shacklebolt's Head

Strawberry is now A Study In Pink from series 1 of Sherlock

Cherries Jubilee is now Cherry Valence from The Outsiders

Rainbow Sherbet is now Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Wild and Reckless Sherbet is now Sirius Black because he's wild and reckless. 

Strawberry Cheesecake is now Game of Thrones because it looks like blood in snow. I haven't actually watched Game of Thrones, but I know there's a lot of blood and winter is coming. 

Made With Snickers is now The Battle of Five Armies because it's sweet, but it's a little salty like all our tears. 

Rocky Road is now Lights of Earendil because the marshmallows in the chocolate are like like lights in a dark place when all other lights go out. 

Mint Chocolate Chip is now Dean Winchester's Eyes because sometimes it's green and sometimes it's black.

Cookies 'n' Cream is now Supernatural Season 7 because it looks a little like Leviathan Goo Splatter

Chocolate Chip is now Mulan because it looks like a lot of little Huns buried in snow

Egg Nog is now either Azazel's Eyes because it's yellow or Hufflepuff because it's yellow. I can't decide. 

Pumpkin Pie is now Camp Greenlake because it's orange

Pistachio Almond is now Magnusen, because "pistachio" sounds like an Italian combination of the words "piss" and "mustache," both of which may be attributed to Magnusen from Sherlock series 3. 

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough is now Snape's Patronus because his Patronus is a doe. 

State Fair Fried Dough is now Lily Potter because her Patronus was also a doe, but she was fried by Voldemort. 

Is that too soon?

I think that's too soon.

After all this time?

Always. 

Peanut Butter and Jelly is now Dante's Inferno because it looks and probably tastes horrendously bad, also because the jelly ribbon goes round in circles and looks like the Seven Circles of Hell

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is now Sam Winchester because it's a little crumbly and hard to pack and can't keep itself together. 

Peanut Butter and Chocolate is now Sam Winchester In Hell because it's like a combination of Dante's Inferno and Sam Winchester, but without the jelly. 

Daiquiri Ice is now Superman's Ice Palace

Nutty Coconut is now Gilligan's Island

Butter Pecan is now Bitch, Please (scuse my Klingon) because they have the same initials and I couldn't think of anything else. 

That's all I got, Beth out.