Toy Story 4 [Part 1]

I've been hearing rumors lately that Pixar plans to make a Toy Story 4 movie.

Before everyone starts complaining that this movie will be anticlimactic and unnecessary, let me explain why this could easily be the greatest movie ever in the history of Hollywood. I shall do this by giving a quick summary of the plot I have predicted:

Toy Story 4 

Setting: Woody, Buzz, Jessie, etc. have all been re-donated to Sunnyside which is now Cool and Groovy since the demise of Lotso and his totalitarian society. They live in the Butterfly Room and are played with every day and hitherto have been quite happy.

Buzz and Jessie have been cautiously calculating their affection for each other, which will be a significant constituent of the goings-on of the film.

One day, a batch of new toys is donated to Sunnyside. None of them are important except for one. He is

wait for it

a

Legolas Action Figure.

Like Buzz in the first Toy Story, Legolas is unaware that he is a toy and not a badass physics-defying butt-kicking awesomesauce blonde dude with unequaled skill at absolutely everything. When not on playtime duty, he goes about doing eyeball-bugging stunts and doing his best to impress the hell out of Jessie, for whom he has the hots. This, obviously, makes Buzz a little jealous and he tries to subdue Legolas by telling him that he is, in fact, a toy and not a badass physics-defying butt-icking awesomesauce blonde dude with unequaled skill at absolutely everything. Legolas, however, will have none of that, and is determined to win Jessie's hand.

Jessie, meanwhile, is unaware that the two are vying for her affection, and does nothing to reassure Buzz that her heart belongs to him, and she merely enjoys watching Legolas be a badass physics-defying butt-kicking awesomesauce blonde dude with unequaled skill at absolutely everything.

Buzz soon becomes frustrated and challenges Legolas to a stunt-off. Legolas accepts.

So as not to confuse the laymen who don't know what a stunt-off is, allow me to explain: a stunt-off is basically the same thing as a walk-off in Zoolander: Player 1 does a stunt, Player 2 replicates the stunt and elaborates, Player 1 replicates the elaborated replica and elaborates further, etc. The first player who is unable to replicate and elaborate satisfactorily loses, and the winner gets Jessie's hand and bragging rights.

Unfortunately for Buzz, Legolas wins the stunt-off. We are all very sorry for Buzz, of course, but Legolas just had to win, because it couldn't have happened any other way. Legolas is now convinced that he and Jessie will pledge themselves to one another and live Happily Ever After. However, Jessie is somewhat confused, and Legolas, being the gentleman he is, assures her that they will take it slow and just court each other until she's ready to be his wife.

Meanwhile, Buzz falls into a deep depression. He has lost his dignity and his girl, and he will never be happy again.

Which is all very depressing, but I'm tired now, so I'll finish tomorrow.

Good night!