Here's the first one. It's also a Very Special Birthday Poem Dedicated To Mary Because It's Her Birthday. Happy birthday Mary!
In olden times, the local Wall-Mart
teemed with hags and trolls,
and all the decent folk took flight
and fled into their holes.
Day after evil day these villains
smote the land with fear;
none dared to enter Wall-Mart lest
they fell by spell or spear.
Until there rose from shadows one
who had the strength and mind
to vanquish evil from the land
and pay it back in kind.
A wizard was he, one of the
Istari, we are told.
His raiment was of pinkish hue,
his eyes and teeth were gold.
He cursed the putrid creatures,
sent them crawling to the Void.
He said, "you shall not harm these folk,
or I will be annoyed!"
But lo! there rose their Wicked King,
a fifty-headed rat!
It said, "Who dares to challenge me,
usurper? Tell me that!"
The Wizard said, "I'll tell you!
Swag the Magic is my name!
Now get thee hence to yonder Void,
or I shall show you pain!"
The Thing then laughed and scurried not,
so Swag removed his coat,
releasing magic rainbows, thus,
the Thing became a goat!
The Wizard took the little goat
and taught it to be good,
and so the evil once presiding
left the neighborhood.
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