Justin Bieber: Undesirable #1

I was in the grocery store the other day, and I saw a magazine with Justin Bieber's toothy mug-shot all over it.

The caption read: "JUSTIN BIEBER: CAN ANYONE STOP HIM?"

A PUBLIC MENACE! WHAT'S HE DOING ON MY FRONT PAGE?

We must all take precautions. I urge everyone to bolt his door, board up his window, arm himself with everything he's got, because this menace will not be stopped. He is out there, and he will strike again. Once again, I urge you, beware Justin Bieber. May God be with you. Good night.