Cheese

All right, I give up.

It is now 4:41 in the Abominable Morning (AM), my alarm is going off in about 19 minutes, and odds are I won't be able to sleep between now and then, since I haven't been able to sleep for the last five hours.

So, instead of trying to sleep, I am going to make a

List Of Things That Are Awesome About Cheese

1. It has protein which gives you energy, which enables you to do Stuff.

2. It comes from cows, which are awesome, because they give you milk, which can be used to make cheese.

3. It comes in all kinds of different textures and consistencies and flavors.

4. It can be eaten with spaghetti and enchiladas, both of which are delicious.

5. It can also come from goats, which are brilliant and more portable than cows.

6. It can melt and then harden again, so you could technically pour it into a mold of Smaug and make a ginormous Smaug Cheese Sculpture.

7. It opens up an infinite number of possibilities for Stupid Puns.

8. It can come from all parts of the world

9. It is endorsed by Wallace

10. It can be eaten with crackers, which are tasty

11. If it gets moldy, you can just cut off the mold and it's still OK to eat

12. It can also come from sheep, which are almost as brilliant as goats

13. I haven't tried this, but I bet if you soften some and roll it into a ball it'll bounce

14. It isn't tofu

15. It doesn't kill you or otherwise try to harm you in any way, unless it's poisonous, but even if it was it wouldn't be the cheese's fault, but the person who put the poison in the cheese

16. It improves with age like wine and good books

17. It's soft, so you can carve messages to your associates into it with a dull knife

18. It's not hard enough to kill someone if you throw it at him, so if you're angry at someone you don't necessarily want to kill, you could throw cheese at him and release some anger without killing him or maiming him

19. String cheese. It tastes disgusting, but it's fun to play with.

20. It tastes even more delicious when it's grated

And there goes my alarm. Good morning! I hope you found the above list enlightening and instructive.