The Fellowship of the Ring
Legolas: This is no mere ranger. It's that damn Aragorn! He's so hot right now.
.....
Frodo: What happened, Gandalf? Why didn't you meet us?
Gandalf: Honestly?
Frodo: Yes.
Gandalf: I think you're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Frodo: I totally agree with you.
......
The Two Towers
Sam: Let me see. Oh yes, lovely. Lembas bread.
Frodo: Sam, are you not aware that I get farty and bloated with Lembas bread?
Sam: My mistake, Frodo!
....
Gandalf: They flee to the mountains when they should stand and fight! Who will defend them if not their king? It's like, ex-squeeze me, but have you heard of military defense?
Aragorn: I'm sure Theoden's heard of military defense, he's the king of Rohan.
Gandalf: Uh, Earth to Aragorn, I was making a joke.
Aragorn: Uh, Earth to Gandalf, duh, OK I knew that!
Gandalf: Uh, Earth to Aragorn, I'm not so sure you did, 'cause you were all, "well I'm sure he's heard of military defense," like you didn't know it was a joke!
Aragorn: I knew it was a joke, Gandalf, I just didn't get it right away!
Gandalf: Earth to Aragorn-
Legolas: Would you guys just stop it already?
....
Treebeard: Release the river! Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty!
The Return of the King
Faramir: I do not believe the darkness will endure.
Eowyn: Look, I gotta go pee, but I'd really like to continue talking about this conversation when I come back.
....
Theoden: Tonight we remember those who gave their blood to defend this country. They were like brothers to me. And when I say "brothers," I don't mean, like, an actual brother, I mean it like the way black people say it, which is more meaningful I think.
An Unexpected Journey
Gandalf: You've been sitting quietly for far too long! I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good-looking.
The Desolation of Smaug
Tauriel: Tell me, mellon, when did we allow evil to become stronger than us?
Legolas: Well, I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade...
....
Tauriel: Are we not part of this world? Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and you do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as a Badass Elf Prince, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way, just so you can make a name for yourself as a Badass Elf Prince, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way?
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