A Thought On Multiple Negatives

I hate double negatives. They make me think.

I've heard about ten billion phrases beginning with "not unless," but I still have to spend five extra minutes thinking about it before I understand what was said. My big sister will say, "we probably shouldn't watch another episode, not unless you want to stay up till one in the morning," and I think "not unless...unless means 'if it's not'.... so then 'not unless' means 'not if it's not'....and two 'not's' is a double negative.....and a double negative means a positive.....so that just means 'if'...or 'only if'......so she's saying we can watch another episode only if we want to stay up till one in the morning." Every effing time.

On particularly bad days I can't even handle "unless" by itself. Every time I hear "unless a grain of wheat shall fall upon the ground and die, it remains but a single grain with no life," my brain shuts down and I have to spend the next ten minutes trying to figure out what "unless" means until I go into hysterics and have to be persuaded not to convert to a religion that doesn't use the word "unless." But I don't think there is one. I could always convert to Buddhism; they don't say "unless" because, if my sources are correct, they speak Hindustani and I don't understand Hindustani so even if they say "unless" in Hindustani I wouldn't know, so I'd be happy.

On the other hand, double negatives can be very useful if you're trying to insult somebody without them knowing it. For example, "there are few things I don't enjoy less than not listening to you talk about your problems," comes in handy when you feel the need to make someone shut up. Or at least it would be, theoretically, if you tried it. Actually, if you tried it it would come in handy practically and not theoretically. If you continue not trying it, it'll remain theoretical. I haven't tried it. But, in theory, the target would either spend the next few hours trying to figure out what you said, or he would let it go out the other ear and you would congratulate yourself in insulting someone without his knowing it.

That's why Bilbo Baggins is my idol. If I knew what a 'spirit animal' was, I'd say he's my spirit animal. But I don't, so I shan't.

Good night!