Poem #47 (?): In Which We Learn Why Humpty Dumpty Is An Egg

Humpty Dumpty sulked at his keg,

"Why does everyone think I'm an egg?

Never, not once, does my history tell

what was my countenance before I fell." 

"Sir," said I, "the problem is plain:

why, it's obviously in you name. 

'Humpty' and 'Dumpty' together suggest 

eggs with their mother bird all in a nest. 

" 'Humpty' as you probably know 

is the sound of a camel, and so 

this word primarily has the effect 

of making one think of the old cigarette. 

"Next, the second part of your name

is, as I'm about to explain,

simply a reference to dumpsters or trash

where we store moldy tomatoes and hash.

"Now, if these two words are combined,

'cigarettes' and 'dump,' you will find

as smoking brings on a shortage of breath,

throw them away, and you throw away death.

"This, I think, is perfectly clear:

your name means death no longer is near. 

What is death's antonym? why, it is birth!

Hence an egg means 'new life,' all 'round the Earth."

Humpty Dumpty pulls out his gun,
shots ring out, the lecture is done.
Happily, he resumes drink at the keg;
he no longer cares why we think him an egg.