Uncomfortable Relatives On Facebook 101 For Overthinkers

I feel bad for people who have Uncomfortable Relatives on facebook whom they're obliged to be friends with. I always think of Bilbo Baggins's facebook relationship with the Sackville-Bagginses. I imagine it would go down something like this:

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins posted a status. (1 minute ago) 

Bilbo: Oh, crap, Lobelia's on facebook. If I post a status now without liking or commenting on hers, she'll know I'm on facebook and I'm ignoring her on purpose. Best wait a few minutes, then I can post a status and pretend her status got lost in my news feed and I just didn't see it.

(waits several minutes)

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins likes Otho Sackville-Baggins' album Frodo Making Dumb Faces LOL (Just now)

Bilbo: Dammit, I want to post a status *now*. How long is she going to be on? Ya know what, I'm just going to post my status anyway because I want to. 

  Bilbo Baggins reminiscing over old maps and missing my dwarf friends! -with Thorin Oakenshield

Bilbo: Ooh, that's probably Gandalf liking my status. 

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins commented on your status.

Bilbo: Poop. She's probably saying I should've stayed with the dwarves and we're going to get into a whole big discussion and I'll end up saying something offensive, and then I'll have to go back and like all her statuses to make up for it. I'll ignore it. Actually no, she knows I'm on facebook now and she'll be expecting an immediate reply. But then I might've just posted the status quickly and then got off to do something else. So she won't necessarily think I'm ignoring her. But what if she doesn't think of that? Here's what I'll do, I'll just reply LOL to whatever she's saying and leave it at that. Let's take a look at what she commented. 

Lobelia Sackville-Baggins I thought you said Thorin Oakenshield was dead. 

Bilbo: Oh. 

......

Bilbo: Crap, do I have to respond to that? If I don't do it now, I'll have to respond later. Or if I wait till later I can just pretend I never saw her comment. And if she calls me out on ignoring her later, I can just say, "Oh, sorry Lobelia, I never saw you commented. I'll respond to you next time I'm on." Then I can just put a sad face under her comment. Yeah, I'll do that. Or I could just put a sad face now and be done with it. But then she might comment again and I'll have to think of something else to say. What would she say if she comments again? Better make a list of her possible responses and write up my own response for each one just to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. Or I could just delete my status and when she calls me out for ignoring her, I could say "Sorry, Lobelia, I probably deleted my status before I got your notification." Yeah that's a brilliant idea, I'll do that. 

Are you sure you want to delete your status?

Yes. 

Your status has been deleted.