The Great McDonald's Drive-Through Blockage Of The Century

If you’re like every single other person in the whole entire universe, you will have at some point in your life felt like you’re a bimbo who can’t do anything right.

But whatever sort of bimbo-who-can’t-do-anything-right you might be, I’ll lay a monkey you haven’t done anything like cause The Great McDonald’s Drive-Thru Blockage Of The Century. That happened a couple of weeks ago, and I did it.

All I wanted was a coke. I was about to drive from my folks’ house to my Grandma’s house. It’s a long-ish drive, so I wanted a sustaining beverage to keep me awake so that I wouldn’t fall asleep at the wheel, cause a major crash, kill several people, and then have to do a long stretch in the local prison. Speaking of which, that would be awesome if jailors still used the rack for punishment so that I could actually do “a long stretch.” That would be a stupendous play-on-words.

Anyway, like I said, I was getting a coke. I went to the little machine where you tell the man what you want, I told the man what I wanted, he said to come to the next window to pay, so I drove to the next window to pay, and then I drove straight past the very last window where my coke was waiting. I didn’t want to back up my car to go get it, because there were about fifty million cars behind me, so I hopped out of the car and walked back to the window to get my delicious coke.

Having thus obtained said coke, I walked back to my car. It was locked, so patted down my pockets for keys, which weren’t there.  Then I noticed that my car was still running. I peeked in the window and the keys were in the ignition. I didn’t have a spare set of keys anywhere within a reasonable distance, so the next thing to do was to call AAA and get them to break into my car so I could drive out of the drive through. So I reached in my pocket and got out my phone.

Here I would have liked to quote Batman and say “Confound it! The batteries are dead!” but I doubt that the McDonald’s people and the fifty million people in cars behind me would have got the reference. So I hopped on over back to the window and asked to borrow a phone. They said yes, I could borrow a phone, so I borrowed a phone, called my mom, and asked her to call AAA.

Meanwhile, the fifty million cars behind me seemed to have noticed that the line wasn’t moving. I yelled “SORRY!” in their general direction about ten billion times until the manager decided that they could squeeze and make a tight u-turn and drive the wrong way out of the drive through.  They did it, and it was very embarrassing. Luckily, I was wearing my Lord of the Rings shirt, which made me feel better.

AAA got there about fifteen minutes later, broke into my car, and bunged the keys at me. So, all’s fair in love and war. But still, I'd have been happy with just the coke.