The Princess Bride: Grand Finale

Last time: Westley has joined forces with Inigo and Fezzik. Westley's set to get Buttercup back just like he promised, Inigo's all set to kill Count Rugen just like he promised, and Buttercup's just about to marry Humperdink just like she promised, so they're all men of their word, really. Except for Buttercup, who is, in fact, a woman.


Part 5

Westley, Inigo and Fezzik broke into the castle by means of being clever. Then they sneaked around the castle for a bit until Count Rugen and a Lot Of Angry Soldiers found them. Inigo killed the Angry Soldiers. Then he turned to Count Rugen and said "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Count Rugen made like a drummer and beat it. Inigo followed. .But Count Rugen was ahead. He ran through a doorway, shut the door, locked it, and kept running. When Inigo came to the door, he hollered for Fezzik, who left Westley alone in the hallway and then pummeled the door to smithereens so Inigo could continue pursuing Count Rugen. When Fezzik came back to Westley, he found that Westley had made like a jolly tree, which was very inconvenient for Fezzik, because he was now left on his own, not knowing what to do.

Meanwhile, Buttercup was in the process of getting married to Humperdink. The Impressive Clergyman who was proctoring the marriage gave a long speech about twoo wuv until Humperdink became impatient with the whole bloody process and told him to skip to the end. So, the Impressive Clergyman said "man and wife," thus manning and wifing Humperdink and Buttercup. This made Buttercup very depressed, so she went to her room and was about to kill herself when Westley, who had decided to invade her private space and lie on her bed, made an unnecessary comment about Buttercup's anatomy. Buttercup responded by jumping on top of Westley and kissing him until he nearly died again.

After Fezzik had knocked the door down for Inigo, Inigo ran through it. Not the door, the doorway. Anyway, he ran after Count Rugen and had almost caught up with in when Count Rugen turned around and chucked a throwing knife at Inigo. The knife went into Inigo's stomach and cut up his insides so that he had to use one hand to keep his intestines from falling out, but he did not give up. Then Count Rugen went and stabbed the b'gosh out of Inigo, but didn't manage to kill him. There was a bit of a disagreement and some negotiations and then Inigo killed Count Rugen.

When Buttercup had finished kissing the snot out of Westley, she apologized to him for marrying Humperdink. Westley pointed out that they had skipped most of the wedding procedures, so the marriage didn't count. Then Humperdink came in and screamed at Westley for his very existence and approached the bed with a sword. But Westley was a man who gave Death wet willies for fun, so he was not miffed. He scolded Prince Humperdink for being an overall scum-sucking prat, called him several unpleasant names, and then had Buttercup tie him up.

Then Inigo came into the room full of holes and with his intestines hanging out of his stomach. The general populace wondered where Fezzik was, until Fezzik called from outside and said he had found some horses for them to make their getaway. So, they all jumped out the window, rode away on the horses, and lived happily ever after.

THE END