Sharknado

Hello!

I just finished watching the movie Sharknado. Has anyone seen Sharknado? You haven't lived until you've seen Sharknado. If you don't have time for Sharknado, here's

Sharknado In A Nutshell
by Elizabeth

SPOILER ALERT

Once upon a time, there was a man named Fin who owned a bar/restaurant on a beach where he lived. He had a barmaid whose name I forget, so I'm going to call her Bea Keeny (Bea is short for Beatrice). Fin also had a friend whose name I also forget, so I'm going to call him Lou Zurr.

One stormy day, Lou Zurr decided to go surfing with his Lady Friend, so he went surfing with his Lady Friend. Then the storm got closer, and a Buttload Of Sharks started coming towards the beach. Fin rescued Lou with a Jet-ski but Lou's Lady Friend got eaten by a shark. Then some more people got eaten by a shark and everybody on the beach ran screaming in different directions and Fin told them all to get off the beach and get as far away from it as possible, because Global Warming is making the storm, which is driving all the sharks to the beach.

Everybody leaves the beach, but most of them just get into the bar which is on/right next to the beach. Then, a bunch of Massive Tidal Waves come and wipe out the bar and everybody runs screaming in different directions. Fin says that he has to go make sure that his ex-wife and daughter are OK. Bea Keeny wants to come too. So Fin, Bea Keeny, Lou Zurr, and Drunk George from the bar all grab weapons and hop into Fin's car and they start driving to Fin's ex-wife's house.

While they're driving along, they notice that all the streets are flooded and there are sharks everywhere. Bea Keeny has a Big Gun, so she shoots some of the sharks and they die. Then, I forget why, but they stop the car and all get out of the car. Drunk George notices a lady trying to get her dog out of her car, so he helps her, but then gets eaten by a shark.

Fin, Lou, and Bea keep driving through the sharks and water and eventually arrive at Fin's ex-wife's house. Fin's ex-wife whose name is April thinks that they're all idiots and that there's nothing really wrong. Then, April's boyfriend whose name I also forget so I'm going to call him Zac Efron because he looks like Zac Efron comes out and tells Fin that he's an idiot. While they're all arguing about who's an idiot and who's not an idiot and whether or not there are sharks terrorizing Los Angeles, Bea Keeny looks out the window and sees that there's a shark in April's swimming pool, so she interrupts the conversation to tell everybody that there's a shark in April's swimming pool. Zac Efron says that she's an idiot and goes to look out the window, but the shark jumps out of the swimming pool, through the window, and eats Zac Efron.

April is finally convinced that there is a shark problem, and she and the daughter Claudia get into the car along with Fin, Lou, and Bea so they can drive as far as they can away from the sharks. But then April and Fin remember that they have a son named Matt who looks like a Ken Doll and that they should go and get him to escape too.

On the way to rescue Ken Doll, a shark falls out of the sky and lands teeth-first onto the roof of the car. The shark then proceeds to bite a hole in the roof of the car and tries to wriggle in through the hole. Lou pokes it in the nose with a baseball bat, but the shark isn't moved, so Fin attacks it with a chainsaw, if I'm remembering that right, and it dies and falls off the car.

As they're driving along, the city is still flooding like the dickens, and there are still sharks everywhere. Fin drives the car on an overpass and notices a school bus underneath the overpass sort of floating in the water. So, he stops the car, hops out, takes out his Handy Dandy Grappling Hook/Pulley Kit which he has because a good barman is prepared for any situation, and lowers himself down to the school bus. The school bus, as he suspected, is filled with School Kids and a School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair. Fin attaches each of the kids to his Grappling Hook/Pulley System one by one, and Lou pulls them all up. After Lou pulls up the School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair, it's Fin's turn, but oh, no! The rope is breaking! And not only that, but a shark jumped up, bit the rope, and is now attempting to climb the rope with its teeth! Fin is not in the mood to die, so he calls up to Lou, "Hand me down the Shark Repellent Bat-Spray!" No, I'm thinking of Batman in "Batman: The Movie." Anyway, Lou doesn't have any Shark Repellant Bat-Spray handy, so Fin has to cut the rope above where the shark's hanging onto it, thus causing the shark to plummet to a watery death. After Fin gets up on the overpass, the wind picks up and the big HOLLYWOOD sign which happens to be nearby starts blowing in all different directions. Everyone dodges the big metal letters, except for the School Bus Driver With Terrible Hair gets hit with an H.

Our heroes continue to drive to save Ken Doll from the sharks. Then, for no apparent reason at all, they all jump out of the car and run the heck away from it, and then it explodes. I don't know why, but it was cool anyway. So, since they have no vehicle, they decide to stop at a gas station and get a snack. The TV in the gas station says that there are tornadoes coming from the ocean carrying bushels of sharks and heading for the city. Then, Lou conjures a Big Shiny Jeep Thing out of Nowhere, and they all make like a tree again.

Finally, they get to the airport where Ken Doll works. They look around for him, and then they find him in a closet with a Bunch Of Other People. Fin warns them that there is a tornado wielding sharks heading this way, and a Stupid Lady goes to look at it, and is sucked up. Everybody else holds onto something so that they don't blow away and get sucked in the tornado and be eaten by sharks.

A bit later, the wind dies down. April says we need to get out of here, but Fin says, no! we must fight! Ken Doll has an IDEA. Ken Doll says that they should take all the tanks of propane at the airport and manufacture some bombs, and then Ken Doll will fly around the tornado in his little helicopter, chuck the bombs into the tornadoes, thus, killing the sharks and dissolving the tornadoes. Fin and everyone else are all for it, so they get to work making the bombs.

Ken Doll works with Bea Keeny making bombs. He notices that she has shark-tooth-shaped scars on her leg, so he asks her about them. She doesn't want to answer, so he shows her his own scar on his stomach that looks more like a blob of snot. Bea says that she doesn't want to talk about it, so she talks about it. Apparently, her Grandpa took her out to the ocean and was eaten by a shark, and she got bit on the leg. This is literally the conversation Bea and Ken have after she tells the story:

Bea: The sharks took my grandfather. That's why I hate sharks.
Ken: Oh. Now I hate sharks too.

Excuse me while I throw up.

Anyway, now the bombs are ready for tornado-shark blasting, so Bea and Ken get into Ken's helicopter and fly towards Tornado #1. Lou puts a bunch of bombs in the car, so that he can drive the car into the tornado, set off all the bombs, blow up all the sharks, dissolve the tornado, and save everybody if the need arises, except for it wouldn't work very well because there are three tornadoes and only one car full of bombs.

Ken and Bea fly towards Tornado #1. The sharks don't like having a helicopter so close to their tornado, so they start freaking out and attacking the helicopter. Fin saves Ken and Bea from the sharks by shooting them, except for then a bunch of dead sharks start falling out of the sky because it's harder for a tornado to keep a dead shark airborne than a live one.

Ken and Bea chuck Bomb #1 into Tornado #1. Bomb #1 blows up, bits of dead shark fly everywhere, and Tornado #1 disappears. Hooray! Except for a few sharks have survived and are now falling on top of Fin, April, Claudia, Lou, and Ken's Airport Friends. Some of Ken's Airport Friends get eaten. Then a shark bites Lou's leg, but then Tornado #2 comes closer and starts to suck everything towards it, including the shark that's holding onto Lou's leg. Lou grabs onto the car, but the shark is still being sucked into Tornado #2, so both Lou and the shark are hanging off the car being sucked into the tornado. Eventually, the tornado wins, so Lou is dead.

Ken and Bea catch up with Tornado #2 and chuck Bomb #2 into Tornado #2. Bomb #2 blows up, bits of dead shark fly everywhere, and Tornado #2 disappears. Hooray! Then they fly over to Tornado #3. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I think what happened is that before Bea could activate the bomb and throw it into Tornado #3, she fell out of the helicopter and into a live shark's mouth. Ken gets upset or something, I'm not sure, but anyway he ended up crashing the helicopter. He survived though. Hooray!

I forgot to say that the airport is right next to a Retirement Home. In the backyard of the Retirement Home is a swimming pool. A couple of Old People have decided that, since there are three ginormous tornadoes full of flying sharks, it would be a good time to go swimming. So, one Old Man is swimming in the pool while an Old Lady is sitting next to the pool in her swimsuit. The Old Lady sees Tornado #3 coming straight towards them, and falls into the pool. Fin and everybody get the Old People out of the pool and into the Retirement Home Building along with Ken, Claudia, and April. Then he runs to the car.

Fin gets into the car, which is still packed with explosives, activates the explosives, and makes the car drive straight into Tornado #3 right when the explosives explode. Then he takes up his chainsaw, turns it on, and uses it to dismember the sharks from Tornado #3 that are now falling from the sky because the explosion made Tornado #3 disappear. But wait! What is this? A shark is about to fall on top of Claudia! Fin takes his chainsaw, pushes Claudia out of the way, and jumps into the shark's mouth with the chainsaw still going. When the shark hits the ground, everybody comes out of the Retirement Home and stares at it. Something in the shark is moving and making the shark's stomach do weird rippling movements. Then, Fin's chainsaw comes up through the shark and slices through the shark's stomach, and out comes Fin. Everyone's happy to see him, but he ignores everybody, reaches into the dead shark, and pulls out Bea Keeny, who is still alive. So, they all have a jolly group hug and congratulate themselves on how awesome they are for defeating the flying sharks and the tornadoes, and they all live Happily Ever After.

The End