The True Story of Iron Man

Iron Man: The True Story

retold by Elizabeth

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Tony Stark who was a quiet, intelligent, likable orphan. Tony lived with some miscellaneous relatives and between getting top grades in all his classes he would help them with the household chores.

Meanwhile, a group of Libyan extremists were developing an element called Plutonium-a nuclear substance with the capacity to blow an entire planet to smithereens, if used in the manufacture of a bomb. But this substance also had the ability to bestow Ultra-Human Powers upon a Non-Ultra Human Without Powers, if administered in a certain way.

The Libyan extremists were delivering Plutonium in their private jet across the United states to wherever they were going to, when suddenly oh no! Could this be a bird strike? It could! It was! One of the jet's engines exploded and the plane began falling to bits in mid-air. The Plutonium, however, was unharmed, and plummeted down to the Earth and onto an Iron Factory.

Unfortunately, on the day before which these events occurred, Tony Stark happened to be ironing one of his miscellaneous relatives' shirts, when the iron began to malfunction.

"Oh, drat." said Tony. "The iron is broken. Tomorrow, I will go to the Iron Factory and purchase a new one."

So the next day, the day on which the Libyans' Plutonium fell onto the Iron Factory, Tony went to purchase a new iron. He found one to his liking, brought it home, and continued to iron one of his miscellaneous relative's shirts. BUT: when Tony tapped the iron with his finger to see if it was hot enough, Strange Things began to happen. First, Tony found that he was endowed with Superior Strength, enough to throw a rhinoceros across the Grand Canyon. Then, his head began to grow, and its shape changed, until it was rather triangular and metallic, just like a huge iron.

Tony was very pleased with his new powers. He found that by pouring water into his mouth and turning a dial that appeared on his chest to the desired temperature, he could flatten almost anything with his head. This, combined with his now Super-Human Strength, allowed him to fight crime. So, armed with his Super-Human Strength and his Iron-Head, Tony Stark became Iron Man, and as Iron Man, he helped to rid the city of Dastardly Villains and Moronic Thugs.

The End

P.S. Please note that when I say "Libyan extremists" I'm not trying to be racist, I'm trying to reference "Back to the Future." If you got that reference I'll make you cookies