Hitherto, muggles have been playing Quidditch by holding brooms between their legs and running around throwing balls at each other. And don't get me wrong, that sounds like a brilliant ton of fun, but I believe I've discovered a more effective way for muggles to play Quidditch.
First, we need to eliminate the brooms. And I know, brooms are sort of the whole point of Quidditch, but they are useless to muggles when we want to fly. In order to make a broom fly, you have to be magic, and muggles, by definition, are not.
So instead of brooms, what we need is a giant trampoline. We need a large, rectangular, closed of room that is filled with a trampoline. The audience will sit outside the room and will watch the game through glass walls. The players will be inside the room bouncing around on the trampoline. They won't exactly be flying, but they'll be falling with style while they throw the balls around at each other.
The snitch will be a flying remote-controlled ball controlled by a fifteenth player who is on neither team, and who is blindfolded, moving the controls at random to eliminate bias. It would suck to be that player, but like plumbing and collecting stool samples from exotic animals, it's something that needs to be done and the world wouldn't function without it.
The bludgers would be a couple of Evil Chickens trained to fly and attack people.
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