I Dreamed A Dream (Literally)

I never refer to my goals and aspirations as "dreams," because my actual dreams that I have when I'm sleeping are weird beyond all reasonable levels of weirdness. So whenever I hear someone talking about their "dreams," or in a Disney movie when they say "your dreams will come true," I always think, "why would you want that?"

Here's what "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables would be if I sang it (which I wouldn't, cause I can't sing, but whatever.)

♪ There was a time when fairy godmothers 

protected us from our dreams and nightmares

They knew our dreams were nightly bothers

and if they came true, we must beware.

There was a time when it all went wrong.

I dreamed a dream my mother climbed

out of a whale, which bit her foot off.

I dreamed that insects of all kinds

surrounded me, and I was put off.

When I was young, I was afraid

in one dream when a cat attacked me.

there was a piece of meat which gave

an air of malice, not for snacking.

But I go to sleep at night,

I prepare to leave my bedroom

for a journey or a fight

with a monster up on Mount Doom

I had a dream that Frodo fleed*

from his mission to go shopping. 

He bought some white T-shirts with glee,

but waking killed that dream I dreamed. 

*I know that's not a word, but I'm using it anyway