Grooming

This morning I woke up because the alarm on my phone started making that EHHHHHHHH noise which was very annoying, so I turned it off and said "it's bad luck to wake a man while he's sleepin!" not that I'm a man, that's just how Mr. Gibbs says it in Pirates of the Caribbean, but that's beside the point. After I woke up, I decided to do a bit of grooming. That's unusual for me cause I'm normally all right walking out of the house with rat nests in my hair and my breath smelling like rotten eggs from hell. But anyway, this morning I borrowed my aunt's straightening iron and was trying to make my hair flat when I smelled something like burnt ear. Upon further investigation, I realized that the straightening iron had mistaken my left ear for a bit of hair and was trying to flatten it, which hurt like the dickens, so I pulled it off. Not my ear, the iron. My ear was still on my head, but it looked like that red stuff that grows out of the top of a chicken.

 Even if I had been trying to straighten my ear, it wouldn't have worked because my ear is now even more curled up than it was before and bits of it are starting to come off. Maybe if it comes off altogether I can get a fake one to attach to my glasses like one of my mom's college professors. Apparently he had a fake ear that was attached to his glasses and when he got excited during lecture, he'd pull them off and shake them at the class with the ear still attached. 

Speaking of fake body parts, I've always wondered if they ever run out of the wrong type. Like if a Caucasian dude lost an arm and went to the prosthetic people and all they had left were African American arms,  he'd have to be part black. 

If anyone happens to find out, let me know I'd be very interested. 

Your servant,

Elizabeth