Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince's Bride and Prejudice

 Once upon a time, there was a young man whose name was Harry. Harry was a wizard. At the time this story takes place, he was in the College of Witchcraft in London under the headmastership of Professor Emilius Brown.

One day, Harry went to the Used Magic Book Shop to buy a book for his Potions class. He found the book he needed, bought it, and went back to school to study. When he opened the Potions book, he saw the words "This book belongs to the Half-Blood Prince aka Professor Snape" written on the first page.

Harry took the book to Professor Snape's office and knocked on the door. Professor Snape opened the door.

"Hello, Harry, old pal and delight of my classroom," said Professor Snape. "What can I do for you?"

"Hello, Professor Snape, chummiest of professors," said Harry. "I found this book of yours."

"Oh! you found the book!" said Professor Snape. "This is a special book. It's the book my father used to read to me when I was sick and I used to read it to your father. And today, I'm going to read it to you."

"Does it have any sports in it?" asked Harry.

"Are you kidding?" said Professor Snape. "Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles..."

"Doesn't sound too bad." said Harry. "I'll try and stay awake."

"Oh, thank you very much. That's very nice of you." Said Professor Snape. "Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. All right..." Professor Snape opened the book and began to read. "Pride and Prejudice. By Jane Austen, Chapter One. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in the possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife-"

"Hold it, hold it," interrupted Harry. "What IS this? Are you trying to trick me? Where's the sports? Is this a KISSING BOOK?"

"Wait. Just wait." said Professor Snape. "Keep your shirt on, let me read!"

Professor Snape continued to read. But when he got to the Chapter In Which We Are Introduced To Mr. Darcy, Harry interrupted again.

"Professor, wait, wait." interrupted Harry. "What does Lizzy mean Darcy's proud? He isn't really...proud...Darcy's only faking...right?"

"Do you want me to go on with this?" said Professor Snape in disgruntled tones.

Harry, who had decided to be a Brat, ignored Professor Snape and said "who gets Wickham? Who kills Mr. Wickham? At the end! Someone's gotta do it. Is it Bingley? WHO??"

Professor Snape, who had always been a man with little patience, lost his patience.

"Avada kedavra!" he said, pointing his wand at Harry.

Then Harry died and Professor Snape finished reading Pride and Prejudice. Harry did not interrupt him again.

The End