Pants

Hello again,

So I've managed to rip the seat of my pants AGAIN. I've done this on several occasions. The first time, my cousin was throwing something at me, so I squatted to duck and heard a ripping sound and when I looked behind me, I saw that my pants had split. The second time, I don't remember what exactly I was doing, probably something idiotic, but my pants split again. The third time, I was wearing very very old jeans to do some gardening for my uncle and then I suddenly realized that there was hardly anything covering my hindquarters, so I pulled my shirt down over it and told him that there was some sort of emergency thing I forgot to do and I needed to go home. This time, tonight, I was walking back to my car from class, which ended at 8 PM, so it was dark and I couldn't see that the gate through which I usually make my exit was shut. The way was shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. Sorry that's another Lord of the Rings reference, in case you didn't know. But anyway, I had to jump the fence and my pants caught on it and ripped in the backside. So I'll be buying new ones tomorrow.

I hate shopping.

If I was a caveman-person, I'd just have to kill an animal, skin it, cook it, eat it, and fix up the skin so I could wear it and wouldn't have to deal with going to the mall and trying to figure out what size I am and looking in the mirror to make sure it fit in all the right places after spending hours looking for something I actually like. Then my imaginary husband would come home and I'd say "does this dead animal make me look fat?"

I remember a couple years back when I heard about Lady Gaga walking around in a bikini made out of raw meat. That doesn't sound attractive, or comfortable, plus she could probably get E. coli or something, so it's a lose lose lose. In the 12th book of A Series of Unfortunate Events, Esme Squalor (Count Olaf's Villainous Girlfriend) has a bikini made of lettuce taped to herself. She should meat Lady Gaga HA HA HA HA.

All right that's enough of that. Good night!

Elizabeth