Star Trek

I've been feeling like a bum all day, so I've just been laying around eating and not getting anything done.  In my defense, it's Friday, and I don't feel like doing anything. I watched the series finale of The Office, which was great,  and I just finished watching the first episode of Star Trek on netflix.

I can't believe I've never seen Star Trek before. It's AWESOME. If you're not familiar with Star Trek, here's a sum-up of the first episode:

Star Treck Season 1 Episode 1: The Cage

Captain Pike, Mr. Spock and the crew are in the USS Enterprise on their way to I forget where. They get some interference from meteors on their radar. Then the radar picks up a signal from a planet that is "class M," meaning it has oxygen. Spock thinks there might be some survivors from a crash down there. Capt. Pike says no, and then goes to his room to pout about how much he hates about being the Captain. He tells the ship's doctor that he wants to go home and ride his horse and have picnics. The doctor tells the Captain that he's being a Yellow-Bellied Chicken, and needs to live his life instead of hiding from it. 

Then Spock comes up on a web-cam thing and says that they found out that there are survivors on the planet  that the Captain didn't want to land on. So they land on it, and they all get teleported from the ship onto the ground, except for Number One. Side note: why is she called Number One if she's not the Captain? She isn't higher up than the Captain. Maybe that's her name. That's depressing. 

Anyway, Captain Pike and the Crew land on the planet. The look around and see some plants with Blue Vibrating Leaves. These aren't important, they're just cool. Then the Blonde Guy sees a bunch of Survivors. The Crew and go over to meet them, and tell them that they get to go back to Earth, but then they completely forget what they're doing because a Girl comes out of one of the Hut Things. Apparently, this planet has an Ulta store and a beauty parlor, because she's all made up and hair done. Unless she just looks like that naturally. She might, because all of the men looked like crap. I'm sorry, that's mean. They didn't look that bad, they just looked more like you'd expect a person to look from being stranded on a strange planet for years than the girl did. But I'm digressing. 

The girl's name is Veena. Unless it's spelled Vina. I like Veena better. Veena tells Pike that he's a good specimen, and Pike is a little weirded out. But he goes off with Veena anyway, because she's pretty, and she wants to show him something. She takes him up a little rock-hill, and then she disappears with a weird wawawaa noise. Then a door in the rocks opens up, and some Aliens come out. They look like humans, except for they have Big Heads that look like butts. They promptly kidnap the Captain and bring him down an elevator. 

The Crew sees the Captain being kidnapped, and they freak out and start shooting the elevator door with laser guns, but it doesn't work. Then all the survivors disappear with a wawawawa sound. The Crew thinks that the Butthead Aliens have Mind Powers that created the illusion of survivors in their heads, and they go back to the ship to regroup. 

Meanwhile, Captain Pike finds himself in a glass cage in the wall, like a lizard exhibit at a zoo. He looks around, and sees other cages with men in big costumes, only they're actually orangutan-pig hybrids and other weird animals. Then he wonders what the heck's going on, and some of the Butthead Aliens come out. Pike sees that they communicate with each other telepathically, and that they can read his mind. He tries to break the glass, but just bounces off of it with a BOIIIIING sound. Then he gets pissed, and the Butthead Aliens leave. 

Pike figures out then that the survivors were just an illusion, and suddenly the scene changes and he's in front of a Big Castle. Veena's there, running toward him, dressed up like a Princess. She tells him that they have to hide. He stands there and talks to himself about how they've put that whole scene in his head, and he tells Veena that he won't play along, because he's not their puppet. But then a Viking Dude comes out, and starts attacking them, so long story short, Pike fights him and kills him. Then the scene goes away, and we're back in the cage. Veena is there now, except for she's back to normal-looking. She and Pike talk for a while about what's real and what's not, and what the Butthead Aliens can do and how they can punish them if they don't cooperate. They punish Veena for talking too much, and then teleport her out of Pike's cage. 

Back at the Enterprise, the Crew decide to assemble the Big Gun and shoot at the door in the rocks. So they do that, but it doesn't seem to work, although Number One suggests that it could be working, except for the Butthead Aliens are creating the illusion that it isn't working. 

Pike is pacing his cage, and  a little door opens and a bottle of Stuff comes out. One of the Butthead Aliens comes and tells Pike to drink it, but Pike doesn't want to, so he gets punished. Pike decides to drink it, but then he gets pissed again and charges at the glass, and the Butthead Alien gets startled, which tells Pike that they can't read his mind when he's full of hate. Then the scene changes again, and Pike is back at home with his horses and Veena's there again, except for this time she's his wife and she's making up a picnic. Pike tells her that he figured out they can't read his mind when he's full of hate, and all he has to do is keep hating. She says she's tried it and it doesn't work. Then the scene changes again, and Pike is all dressed up like a Roman Emporer, and Veena looks like the Jolly Green Giant, except for she's doing a Ginger Grant dance. This goes on for a couple of minutes, then they're back in the cave. 

Meanwhile, the Crew decide to teleport back to the planet, armed with more Laser Guns. Something goes wrong, and only Number One and Yeoman are teleported. By the way Yeoman is a lady. They end up in the cage with Pike and Veena. One of the Butthead Aliens comes up, and says that since Pike doesn't seem to like Veena very much, he can pick either Number One or Yeoman, because the Butthead Aliens are trying to do this Adam and Eve thing. Pike tries to fill up his head with hate, but the Butthead Alien punishes him, and leaves, because Pike hurt his feelings. 

Later, Pike, Number One, Yeoman, and Veena are hanging around in the cage, when the little door opens again. Pike jumps up speedy quick and reaches into the door and pulls out a Butthead Alien. The Butthead Alien tries to make himself look like a Giant Orangutan, but Pike resists the illusion via Mind Over Matter. Or I guess that would be Mind Over Somebody Else's Mind, because the alien isn't actually an orangutan. Then he shoots at the door with one of the Laser Guns, which the Butthead Aliens forgot to take away  so that their prisoners wouldn't be able to escape. Then they all come out and go to the planet's surface, with the Butthead Alien as a hostage. But then more Butthead Aliens come up, with the intent of recapturing them,and freeing their fellow Butthead Alien hostage. 

Oh I forgot to say that before the other Butthead Aliens came up, Number One threatened to blow them all up, because they'd rather die than be slaves. After the other Butthead Aliens come up, the Hostage Butthead Alien says that humans are too dangerous, so they're free to go. Number One and Yeoman then teleport back into the ship. Veena says she doesn't want to go, because when she crash landed on the planet in the first place, she was completely totalled, and the Butthead Aliens tried to put her back together but they failed because she didn't come with an instruction manual, so her beauty is just an illusion. Pike sees her as she really is, and agrees that she should stay the heck away from Earth. Git. Then he teleports back to the ship, and they fly away into space and leave Veena to rot. 

The End

Tonight I will make some popcorn and watch Episode Two [: