Stairs

The library at school has six floors. The first floor is on the ground, and there is an escalator on the first floor that leads to the second floor, which is on top of the first floor. Next to the escalator is a set of stairs, if "set" is the word I want. 

Most people, when they wish to ascend from the first floor to the second floor, use the escalator. Apparently, some people find fault with that, because they put a sign next to the stairs that says something like, 

"ONLY 8.71% OF STUDENTS USE THE STAIRS. BE THE 8.71%"

No. 

I like using the escalator, because it goes up without me having to move. And I'm not going to be 8.71% just because some bally sign says I should. In fact, I'm going to protest the sign by using the escalator with Great Enthusiasm. I carry a heavy bag full of heavy books all day, and sometimes that's in addition to a heavy viola case with a viola in it, and I'm going to use the escalator if I bally well want to. 

How do they even know that it's 8.71%? I think they made that up. I can't imagine someone sitting at the foot of the stairs all day long counting the number of people who use it, cause you'd think they'd have better things to do than tell people what percentage of the population they should belong to. And anyway, if I decided that I felt like joining the 8.71%, then I wouldn't be in the 8.71%. I would now be in the 9.71%, if we're counting people out of 100 with 9 average people (including me) and one person who's Not All There. 

Tomorrow, I think I'll put a sign next to the escalator that says, 

"ONLY 91.29% OF STUDENTS USE THE ESCALATOR. BE THE 91.29%."

That'll balance the yin-yang of it all, and then people will be pressured equally from both sides, so then they can decide for themselves what percentage of the population they want to belong to. So, go boil your head, 8.71%.