Previously on Lord of the Rings: The Musical: Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Merry and Pippin are now reunited and Saruman is defeated. Frodo and Sam continue to follow Smeagol through the Secret Way To Mordor. Smeagol has a Diabolical Scheme to get Frodo and Sam killed.
*Note: In the book, Frodo doesn't kick Sam out and tell him to go home. They just get separated in the confusing tunnels in Shelob's lair, then Frodo gets attacked by Shelob and Sam catches up to him and beats the living heck out of Shelob because he's Awesome.
Act 1: Shelob's Lair ("I Wanna Be Like You" from "The Jungle Book")
(Shelob)
♫ Now I'm the Queen of Arachnids
Oooh
In Mordor, VIS [Very Important Spider]
I'm big and black
I want a snack
And that's why you're in a mess.
I wanna eat you up, Frodo
And top it off with Sam
And give Smeagol the leftovers
I really don't give a damn [sorry. it just rhymes]
Oh,
Shoo bee doo! (Whoop dee doody)
I wanna eat up youuuu
(Whup de doody doody)
I wanna chop up you
Whop up you
Toooooo
(Whee boo dee boo)
You see it's truuuuue
(Shooby dee doo)
Someone like mee
(Whup de doody doody)
Can learn to eat Hobbits too
♫
Smeagol: Gee, cousin Shelob! You're doin real good!
Shelob: Now here's your part of the deal, cuz. I'll eat Frodo, and you take the Ring.
Frodo: But I don't want Smeagol to have the Ring!
♫ Now don't try to get free, Frodo
I'll make a meal of you
I'll suck your blood
your name is Mud
Cause I'm gonna gobble you
So, try to hold still now, Frodo
Come on, I'll wrap you up in goo
I think I'll bake
A Hobbit Steak
And put you in the Stew.
(enter Sam wielding Sting and attacks Shelob)
Hey!
♫ Da hop bon lonay
haboo deeboo daboo dop hom loan
aaaaanibidizet shoo daba
hoop doo
day do daba shop do day, do dow, do dop bop lobby
(Shelob fights back)
Haboo doo dee!
(Sam)
With a beep boop lada
(Shelob)
Hebon oben noin!
(Sam)
With a la la seemee
(Shelob)
wonelabob, sinalabop,
do bee da doody
hoo! hoo! hoo! hoo!
a ha! ha! ha!
gettin aaaaugh aaaugh
(Sam)
Gettin MAD baby!
(Shelob)
wonalada wonala
(Sam)
Do seepoo daboo daboo da
(Shelob)
Doo bi doot
Doo bi doot
(Sam)
too seepa do daah daaa bi daa
Woo hoo hoo!
I'm gonna conquer youuu!
I'm gonna slice up you
dice up you
toooo
weeboodeeboo
you see it's truuue!
Someone like meee
Can learn to be
dangerous to thee!
(Shelob)
Take me home, Daddy!
(Sam)
Gettin' learned to be
dangerous to thee!
One more stab!
Yeah!
(Shelob)
Gettin learned to be
dangerous to meee
do sheebo dap hoop daady hootin da n da n da n da n da......maaaaan.
(Non-Musical Part: Shelob gets the heck away from Sam. Sam thinks Frodo's dead, so he takes the RIng. Orcs come and take Frodo to the tower. Sam sneakily follows. Meanwhile, Pippin finds Saruman's Plantir, and Gandalf takes it. Then Pippin steals it back and looks at it and Gandalf gets Pissed).
Act 2: The Plantir ("Beautifyl Briny Sea" from "Bedknobs and Broomsticks")
(Gandalf)
♫ You moron!
Fool of a Took
Fool of a Took
why oh why oh why did you have to take a look?
But, perchance, we got a better peak
Of the plans of our enemy
Let's go
Minas Tirith needs to know
He plans
Tooooo crush them to a jam
Come on you
Fool of a Took
Fool of a Took
Get on my horse and we'll go and take a look
What if the Bad Guys
Have already arrived
To the City of White?
That would be such a bad thing
Fool of a Took,
You're such a schnook
But come with me and we'll
Check on the White City. ♫
(Non-musical part: Gandalf and Pippin leave for Minas Tiirth. They meet Denethor. Denethor is a jerk. Gandalf has Pippin light the beacons so that Theoden will come and help. Theoden comes with the Rohirrim and helps. Eowyn and Merry sneak along so they can fight too.)
Act 3: The Battle of the Pellanor Fields ("Jolly Holiday" from "Mary Poppins")
(Eowyn)
♫ Oh, it's a bloody battlefield with Merry
Merry kills the Orcs from spite
Though he seems so short and ordinary
Merry's putting up a fight.
Oh, deadliness is bloomin all around us
The Oliphaunts are crushing all the men.
But, Merry's stabbed the Wraith,
It feels so great
I am no man, so I can bash his face.
It's a jolly victory with Merry!
No wonder that it's Merry that we love!
Oh, it's a jolly victory with Merry
Gentlemen like him are few
Merry: A vanishing breed, that's me.
(Eowyn)
Though he's just a Hobbit from the Shire,
Merry's such a macho dude
Merry: Common knowledge.
(Eowyn)
He'd never think of pressing his advantage
Forbearance is the whole mark of his creed
Merry: True.
(Eowyn)
A lady needn't fear
When Merry's near
His sweet gentility is crystal clear,
oh, it's a jolly victory with Merry
No wonder that it's Merry that we love! ♫
(Non-Musical part: Gondor and Rohan win. Denethor commits suicide. Meanwhile, Sam rescues Frodo, and they start up Mount Doom)
Act 4: Mount Doom ("Climb Every Mountain" from "The Sound of Music")
♫ Climb every Mount Doom
Search high and low
For the door to lava
Cause the Ring must go
Climb every Mount Doom
Destroy the Ring
Murder every Bad Guy
Chop them up with Sting.
The thing that you'll need
Is the will tooo live
And a piggyback ride
Which Sam will now give
Climb every Mount Doom
Destroy the Ring
Murder every Bad Guy
Chop them up with Sting♫
(Non-Musical Part: Aragorn has the Brilliant Idea of leading all the troops to Mordor to create a Diversion so that Frodo and Sam can get to Mount Doom, so they do that. Frodo and Sam get up Mount Doom and are attacked by Smeagol. Frodo decides not to destroy the Ring and puts it on. Smeagol bites off his finger and takes the Ring. Frodo pushes him into the lava. The Mountain explodes and all the Bad Guys die. The Eagles come and rescue Frodo and Sam, and the Fellowship is reunited. Hooray!)
Act 5: Aragorn's Coronation ("Perfect World" from "The Emperor's New Groove")
(Aragorn)
♫ Oh yeah.
There were despots and dictators,
political manipulators
There were stewards with the courage of a rat
Sauron was a petty tyrant
who was so lacking in refinement
He'd be better suited being beat up with a bat.
I was born and raised to rule
no one has ever been this cool
In a thousand years of aristocracy
An enigma and a mystery
in Middle-Earthean history
the quintessence of perfection, that is me!
I'm the sovereign lord of the nation
I'm the hippest dude in creation!
I'm the Alpha, the Omega, A to Z
And this perfect Middle-Earth
Will now be always filled with mirth
Cause this perfect world begins and ends with
Me!
What's my name?
Aragooooorn
Aragoooorn
That's my name!
Aragooorn
I'm the king of the world!
Aragoooorn
Yeah!
Hah!
Boom, baby! ♫
(Non-Musical Part: Aragorn marries Arwen, Faramir marries Eowyn. The Hobbits go back home. The Scourging of the Shire happens even though that's not in the movie. The Hobbits sort it all out and get things back to normal. Sam marries Rosie. Frodo is depressed. Frodo, Bilbo, Sam, Merry and Pippin go to the harbor to see off Bilbo, Gandalf, Elrond, Galadriel, and Celeborn before they go to the Grey Havens. Frodo tells Sam, Merry and Pippin that he's going too, and it's Sad).
Act 6: The Grey Havens ("Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from "The Wizard of Oz")
(Frodo)
♫ Somewhere across the water
'cross the Sea
There's a land that I've heard of
That's where I'd like to be.
Somewhere across the water
skies are blue
and this pain in my shoulder
will finally be subdued.
Some days I wish upon a star
that non of this had ever happened to me
I thought that Orcs and Saruman
would never bother me again
But I'm still poorly.
Somewhere across the water
Elves dwell there
Elves live across the water
Where everything is fair. ♫
(Non-Musical part: Frodo leaves, everybody cries because it's sad, and then carry on with life as usual.)
THE END
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