The Fellowship of the Ring: The Musical

*Disclaimer: some parts are more true to the movie, other parts are more true to the book. Read at my own risk of you thinking I'm an idiot.

Prologue (Introduction to "The Sword in the Stone")

♫ A legend is sung
of when Middle-Earth was young
and Sauron had control. 
The good king had died
and Isildur denied
that the One Ring should be destroyed. 

It seemed that the Land would be torn by war
unless they'd annihilate the riiiing
and one came to do the deed from Hobbiton 
The Lord of the Rings. ♫

Act I: The Shire ("Belle" from "Beauty and the Beast")

(Sung by Frodo) 

♫ Little town, it's a quiet Shire
every day like the one before
Little town with its little Hobbits
waking up to say.....

(Hobbits) Bon jour! (nothing else sounds right). 

(Frodo) 
♫ There goes the Gaffer with his rake like always
the same old gardens to attend
every morning just the same
since the morning that we came
to this poor provincial town...♫

Random Hobbit: Good morning, Frodo!

Frodo: morning sir!

Random Hobbit: where are you off to?

Frodo: to meet Gandalf. I've got the most WONDERFUL surprise for him and...

Random Hobbit: that's nice. Rosie! The baguettes! hurry up!

(Hobbits)
♫ Look there he goes, the guy whose uncle's cracking. 
he'll go the same way, in the end. 
It's a pity and a sin, they both don't quite fit in, 
they're a wealthy but a weird bunch in Bag End 

(Frodo) 
♫Hooow isn't this amaazing?
It's my birthday and Bilbo's, you seeeeee
We'reeee gonna have a parteee
But I think that Bilbo has got something up his sleeeeve♫

(Enter Gandalf with Fireworks)

Frodo: wow! look at all your fireworks, Gandalf! You're the greatest wizard in the Whole World!

Gandalf: I know! 

Frodo: Bilbo's trick won't stand a chance against you, heheh or no magic ring for that matter. 

Gandalf: It's true, Frodo. And I've got my sight set on Bilbo's. 

Frodo: Bilbo's Ring?

Gandalf: That's the one. That bloody thing is dangerous. 

♫ Right from the moment 
when your unk found the Ring, 
I said "be careful with that thing" 
It looks harmless, only he
isn't quite as wise as me, 
so I plan to warn him "do not use the Ring." ♫

(Hobbits)
♫Look there they goes
that Hobbit's strange but special
And he's got big blue eyes I know
It's a pity and a sin
He doesn't quite fit in
Cause he really is a wealthy guy
A weirdo but a wealthy guy
He really weirdo guy....Frodooooo! ♫

(The Party: Non-musical part. Bilbo disappears but leaves the Ring behind, everyone is weirded out, Gandalf disappears for a while, but then comes back with Distressing News for Frodo)

Act II: The Shadow of the Past ("Be Prepared" from "The Lion King")

(sung by Gandalf)

♫ I know that your love of the Shire
is as great as a Nazgul's backside
But drat! nonetheless, you must leave here
And take the One Ring outside. 

It's clear from you fearful expression
You don't want to vacate your home
But we're talking Wraiths and Repression!
So make sure your cover's not blown. 

Just listen to Gandalf,
I know it sounds chancy, but really I fancy
The Wraiths will not catch you out there.
And Sam Gamgee will go too I swear. 
Be Prepaaaaared!♫

Frodo: Ok. Be prepared. I'll be prepared. For what?
Gandalf: For the death of the Ring!
Frodo: what, did it turn brass?
Gandalf: No, fool! You shall take the Ring far away and destroy it!
Frodo: Great! who needs a Ring? No Ring, no Ring, la la la la la la!
Gandalf: Idiot! the Ring is altogether EVIL! It's trying to get back to its master! IT WANTS TO BE FOUND. 

(Non-Musical Part: Frodo and Sam set off, Gandalf goes to Isengard, Frodo and Sam are joined by Merry and Pippin and they get to Bree)

Act III: Strider ("Gaston" from "Beauty and the Beast")

(Sung by Strider (Aragorn))

♫ Gosh it disturbs me you don't know my name
though I'm a friend of Gandalf's. 
I can help you with this dangerous game
and that is only the half. 

There's no man in Bree quite as badass as me, 
I'm really a fabulous guy. 
Every orc wets his pants when he sees me 
and it's not very hard to see whyyyyyyy!

Nooo ooone's slick like myself
no one's quick like myself
no one's neck is incredibly think like myself's 
For there's no man in Bree half as manly
Please don't call me Eragon
You can ask any Sam, Pip, or Merry
And they'll tell you whose team they'd prefer to be oooon!

Nooo ooone fights like myself
gosh, the sight of myself!
In a wrestling match nobody bites like myself
For there's no one so burly and brawny,
As you see I've got biceps to spare!
not one bit of me's scraggly or scrawny, that's right!
and every last inch of me's covered in HAIR!

No one rules like myself
wears Elf Jewels like myself
In an Orc swordfight nobody duels like myself!
I'm especially good at exterminating! 

My what a guy, myseelf! ♫

(Non-Musical Part: Aragorn joins them, they get chased by Black Riders, Frodo gets stabbed by a Morgul Blade, Glorfindel (in the book) comes, they get to Rivendell, Frodo gets better.)

Act IV: Aragorn and Arwen ( "16 going on 17" from "The Sound of Music")

(Sung by Arwen)

♫You are 87 going on 88, 
baby it's time to think
Better beware of Sauron out there, yo
Baby you're on the brink

You are 87 going on 88 
fellows will fall in line
Hobbits and men again and again 
will ask you to not resign. 

Totally unprepared are you 
to face a world of orcs. 
Timid and shy and scared are you
of looking like a dork. 

You need someone older and wiser
telling you what to dooo
I'm immortal, going on mortal 
I'll take care of you ♫

Act V: The Council of Elrond ("Shall we Dance?" from "The King and I")

(Sung by various Council members)

♫ Shall we march?
Shall we march to the Black Gate?
Shall we walk?
Shall we walk all the way, is it too late?

Boromir

♫One does not
simply walk into Mordor, one does not!
There are Orcs, trolls, and Nazguls
and the Great Eye, it is not cool
It is folly! a silly thought! 

Frodo
I will carry the One Ring
and destroy that ruddy darn thing
I will walk, 
I will walk, 
I will walk!♫

(Non-musical part: The Fellowship gets together, sets out, tries to climb over Cahardras, fails, climbs back down, decides to go through Moria).

Act VI: Moria ("Follow the Yellow Brick Road" from "The Wizard of Oz")

(Sung by all) 

♫Follow the underground road
follow the underground road
follow the 
follow the
follow the 
follow the 
follow the underground road!

We're on our way to Mordor!
To end the Ring once and for all. 
It's not a ball, oh no not at all, it isn't a ball at all. 
Oh no! Pippin dropped something in the well*
now there's a Balrog
and Gandalf fell. 
he fell
he fell
he fell 
he fell
he felllllll!
Now Aragorn must lead us to the Elves. 

We're on our way to Mordor
To end the Ring once and for all! ♫

(Non-Musical Part: the Fellowship gets out of Moria and makes it to Lothlorien, they leave Lothlorien, and get to The Great River. Boromir starts to want the Ring.)

Act VII: Boromir Tries To Take The Ring ("If I were a Rich Man" from "Fiddler on the Roof")

(Sung by Boromir)

♫ If I had the One Ring
yubba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. 
All day long I'd bidda bidda bum. 
If I had a Magic Ring
I wouldn't have to fight hard. 
yubba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. 
If I had a bitty bitty Ring, 
idle didle didle didle dum. 

I'd poke that Great Big Eye on top of the Tower
Right in the middle of the eye
And fighting would not be needed anymore. 
There would be one big jail cell just for the Orcs
and one even bigger for the Trolls. 
And one more big and scary just for show. 

Aigh. 

If I had the One Ring. 
yubba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. 
All day long I'd bidda bidda bum. 
If I had a Magic Ring, 
I! WOULDN'T HAVE TO FIGHT HARD. 
YUBBA DIBBA DIBBA DIBBA DIBBA DIBBA DIBBA DUM. 

Frodo, I don't care if you have Sting. 
Give it to me, give me that darn Ring. 
Give me that moronic evil thing!
Frodo give to me the Ring!♫



(Non musical part: Frodo and Sam leave, the Uruk Hai get there, Aragorn Legolas and Gimli kill a lot of them but they still kill Boromir and capture Merry and Pippin.)

The End

Man, I was hoping to get some songs for Legolas and Gimli or Merry and Pippin to sing, but it didn't happen, so I'm way open to suggestions. 

*side note: in the book, Pippin drops a rock in the well/hole whatever it was I don't remember, but the orcs don't find them till about a day later, so it isn't all his fault like it is in the movie. BOO